UNIT: Healthy Adult/Parent (Part 3)

Adult       = a good Dad,
Parent    = a good Mom,
&  Child  = little ME!

PREVIOUS: Adult & Parent (cont.)

📌  PP = pig parent

👂🏾WHY you may not ‘hear’ the IC 🦻🏼 (cont)

2. Introject:  Some people mainly hear the Bad Parent voice – in the form of ‘shoulds’ & judgments, about themselves & others (you know who you are). They’re the ones who know it all, are controlling, bossy, demanding, pushy….  channeling the Introject (PP)!

• So – when you start a conversation with such a person, you’ll be talking to their PP.
EXP: When Mike asked: “Hi, how are you doing?” He got back: “None of your business!”Screen Shot 2015-07-19 at 7.14.30 AM
And when Sara thought about writing a book, she heard “Who do you think you are?”

• It can be very enlightening to dialogue with the PP, to find out more about it’s point of view, what it’s telling the kid all the time, what it wants, what its concerns are…. so we can counter with truth & logic! z🥺

👥 The UNIT has to consistently be in play.
As grownups, we have to prove to the WIC we’re worthy of being in charge, since the ones who raised us were not.
As kids we had to either hide or be super-kid, but all of us were on our own. So developing a functional UNIT is the only way the kid will trust us enough to turn over it’s power, the only way to show the WIC is Safe & Valuable!

This is done by the UNIT’s healthy internal communication + appropriate external actions – which takes time & dedication to develop.  Our ONLY job is to take care of our Kid. If we do – everything else falls into place.

⬇️ CHARACTERISTICS of the LP – ways you can treat yourself!
EXPs: UNIT conversations with the Inner Child ⬇️

♥  Week before an operation:
IC: ‘I want a new red blanket to take with me to the hospital’
LP: ‘OK, honey, let’s go shopping.’
In the store:
IC: ‘I want that one! ‘ (the most expensive)
HA: ‘We only have $– to spend on this.  We need some money for groceries too’
LP: ‘I’ll get you one of these – thesmaller one. We already have 2 red blankets at home – & yes I know they’re old!”

Sensing the WIC’s anxiety:
LP: “I know you’re worried & scared about the procedure. I’ll be with you the whole time & Jerry’s picking us up afterwards.”
HA: “You know I trust this doctor.  We’ll be ok.”
IC: (Pouts but understands)

Waiting to get on a plane
IC: (A little antsy but not talking)
LP: (Noticing, waiting – knows kid is not afraid of flying, so it can’t be that)
IC: (Not saying anything but seems concerned)
LP: (Finally gets an ‘image’ of the issue) — “OK, OK, I’ll take you!”
(Kid doesn’t have to ‘go’ but is worried about needing the bathroom on the plane before seat belt light is off!
They go to the restroom & the kid is happy.😘

After a social gathering with casual friends
IC: (In a lot of pain) “They don’t like me, I talked too much, no one came over to me afterwards, I can’t go back there, I know they’re saying bad things about me …
HA: OK, I hear you.  But what we know about these particular people is that they have shown many ways that they like you. You’ve talked a lot before & they are still nice to us”
IC: “Yeah, but…”

“Yes, we aren’t their age or have the same core beliefs & not in their inner circle, but that’s not a negative reflection on you – or them. It’s just a reality. Different is different, not bad.”
LP: “Honey, the bottom line is that you are who you are & not everyone fits with us. That doesn’t make you undesirable.  We have to find places that suit all parts of us – the mental adult, the feeling kid (you, little one) & the spiritual parent.
IC: Reluctantly “OK”. It took a few days, but the pain went away.
*The next time at that same gathering  – everyone was as friendly as usual.   (“See, honey?” >”I know”)

NEXT: Relationship Form A – #1