I NEED TO WATCH OUT FOR
ways the Child or Parent take over
PREVIOUS: ADULT Ego State (#1)
H.A. – Healthy Adult
G.P. = Good Parent
H.C – Healthy Child
PURPOSE of ADULT (cont)
b. Regulating // c. Accounting
🔻Unintegrated Adult – the rational, competent part of us which many ACoAs use to get along at work & in a variety of relationships, but which doesn’t connect with the Inner Child, is easily swayed or blocked by old damage & can’t ally with a Loving Parent, because there is no LP
🔺Integrated Adult – is expressed in many of the same ways, but mainly as the primary ‘executive’, interacting with both P & C ego states, to form a whole personality. It prevents the WIC or the PigP from running our life
✦ The Adult E.S. can be compared to a computer or regulator, in charge of un-emotional activities such as decision-making & problem-solving
✦ it lives in the present, is able to be spontaneous & adaptable
✦ is intelligent, logical, organized, evaluates facts based on available data
✦ has a keen sense of awareness, understanding, insight – knows what’s possible & what’s not in the real world
✦ is fully awake to the environment, constantly updating itself through every-day experiences, to keep on top of things
✦ estimates probabilities, observing & processing information dispassionately
✦ can ask for help & apply practical problem-solving strategies when things get tough
✦ determines appropriate actions with enough rational input, & draws from recorded ‘tapes’ of a Positive Introjected Parent
✦ looks for information rather than staying scared or making assumptions. Makes an effort to search for knowledge, both from necessity as well as for pleasure (curiosity)
✦ while not focused on emotions, is balanced, not over-or under-reacting
✦ functions from understanding that most things are done with a medium level of importance or intensity (not dramatic)
✦ allows the Healthy Child & Good Parent to have intimacy because it provides good boundaries, as a result of knowing what its rights & personal needs, so is not afraid to connect with others
✦ knows who is safe & who’s not, because it can see people as they truly are, rather than idealizing or undervaluing
✦takes the best from the past & uses it appropriately in the present by integrating its strengths with the G.P. & H.C.
✦ Is not overly influenced by harmful childhood experiences, does’t project personal or family damage onto others
NOTE: When ACoAs function too much from the Adult E.S., we live ‘in our head’, not in touch with feelings & can’t relate to others emotionally
Eric Berne (T.A.) wrote that coming from an Integrated Adult E.S. does not only mean being rational / reasonable, but also provides access to feelings, values & attitudes. It allows the 3 parts to work together as a whole, in current reality – internally as well as externally. The Adult ego state is “principally concerned with transforming stimuli into pieces of information, then processing & filing them on the basis of previous experience” (Berne, 1961).
🔸 The healthy Adult-in-the-adult (rather than the Child’s version of an adult) is fully in contact with Healthy P & C, allows us to see all current options & possible resources – given who we are, in relation to what we need & what’s going on now.
❥ When in the A. ego state – we’re aware of what’s real and what isn’t, & act accordingly.
So when we experience emotions in response to something in the moment – like feeling sad when a friend moves away – our behavior is consistent with how we actually think & feel, (T.E.A.) rather than reacting from our unhealthy past (raging, attacking, withdrawing….).
❥ With the A. in charge – we communicate that “WE are OK”, able to choose which mode to switch into depending on what’s called for, without giving up the A. ‘in charge’ position. (see Overview of E.S.)
EXP: As long as the Adult is ‘on’, Child can have fun at the beach or at a nightclub without getting into trouble or hurting others…. & Parent can help someone or run a work project – without overstepping boundaries or taking on too much responsibility….
NEXT: ADULT E.S. (Part 3)
2 thoughts on “Ego States – ADULT (Part 2)”
Thanks Donna! This came at an opportune time.
Hope you are well Dan Horton
Sent from my iPhone
Thanks. Doing well.