I NEED TO WATCH OUT FOR
ways the Child or Parent take over
PREVIOUS: ADULT Ego State (#2)
See ACRONYM page for abbrev.
PURPOSE of ADULT (cont)
🔻Unintegrated Adult – the rational, competent part of us which many ACoAs use to get along at work & in a variety of relationships, but which doesn’t connect with the Inner Child, is easily swayed or blocked by old damage & can’t ally with a Loving Parent, because there is no LP
🔺Integrated Adult – is expressed in many of the same ways, but mainly as the primary ‘executive’, interacting with both P & C ego states, to form a whole personality. It prevents the WIC or the PP from running our life
✦ The A. E.S. can be compared to a computer or regulator, in charge of un-emotional functions such as decision-making & problem-solving
✦ has a keen sense of awareness, understanding, insight – knows what’s possible & what’s not
✦ is fully awake to the environment, constantly updating itself through every-day experiences, in order to keep on top of things
✦ estimates probabilities, observing & processing information dispassionately
✦ can ask for help & apply practical problem-solving strategies when things get tough
✦ determines appropriate actions given enough rational input, & draws from recorded ‘tapes’ of the Introjected Parent
✦ looks for information rather than staying scared or making assumptions. Makes the effort to search for knowledge both from necessity as well as for pleasure (curiosity)
✦ has the capacity for intimacy because of having good boundaries, as a result of knowing what its rights & personal needs, so is not afraid to connect with others
✦ knows who is safe & who’s not, because it can see people as they truly are, rather than idealizing
✦takes the best from the past & uses it appropriately in the present by integrating its strengths with the P. & C.
✦ Is not overly influenced by harmful childhood experiences, does’t projecting personal or family damage onto others
NOTE: When ACoAs function too much from the A.E.S., we live ‘in our head’, not in touch with our feelings & can’t relate to others emotionally
Eric Berne (T.A.) wrote that coming from an Integrated Adult E.S. does not only mean being rational, but also having access to feelings, values & attitudes, when the 3 parts work together as a whole, in current reality – internally as well as externally. The Adult ego state is “principally concerned with transforming stimuli into pieces of information, then processing & filing them on the basis of previous experience” (Berne, 1961).
🔸 The healthy Adult-in-the-adult (rather than the Child’s version of an adult) fully in contact with Healthy Parent & Child allows us to see all our options & possible resources, given who we are, in relation to what we need & what’s going on now.
❥ So when we experience emotions in response to something in the moment – like feeling sad when a friend moves away – our behavior is consistent with how we actually think and feel, (T.E.A.) rather than reacting from our unhealthy past. In the A ego state we’re aware of what’s real and what isn’t & act accordingly
With the A. in charge we communicate that “WE are OK”, able to choose which mode to switch into depending on what’s called for, without giving up the A. ‘in charge’ position. (see Overview of E.S.)
EXP: As long as the Adult is ‘on’, Child can have fun at the beach or at a nightclub without getting into trouble or hurting others…. & Parent can help someone or run a work project – without overstepping boundaries or taking on too much responsibility….
NEXT: ADULT E.S. (Part 3)