PREVIOUS: Ego States – CHILD -#5

SITEs: “Identity & Introjection”
▪️Psychotherapy with the PARENT Ego State

POSTS:  The Introject (PP)

Reminder: Ego states are normal internal parts of ourselves, aspects of our True Self that are supposed to work together for our benefit.

PES = Parental ego state

INNER PARENT
 PES (cont)
Review of PES PURPOSE
❥ To have a strong, safe, loving way to nurture oneself & provide a clear sense of direction in life, based on positive experiences in childhood
❥ To take care of & nurture the next generation, passing on knowledge & skill to help children develop a positive sense of self so they can contribute to society
❥ To express caring behavior toward one’s immediate society & also the world, wherever help is needed – teach, guide, support – to the degree that the person is realistically capable of

🏡 We’re in Parent mode when we evaluate things, make generalized statements about the world, look after ourselves or others. This is OK as long as it’s coming from a Good Parent voice, & the Adult stays in charge

1. Old / Historic ES (Part 1)

2. NEW Parent** voice
The experiences, emotions & instruction we got from family were taken in wholesale, without consciously considering whether we really agree with any of it or if it suited us. The PES is now our ingrained voice of authority, combining our native personality with our conditioning. It’s made up of a huge number of hidden + obvious mental recordings.

People from a reasonably safe family will have automatically formed a positive Inner Parent, with accurate rules & regulations, realistic knowledge about the world, knowing how to be appropriately kind, useful, socially appropriate….

But even for such people, as adults some of their parental messages will be out of date & need to changed or modified because:
• they’re no longer children, so some of those rules no longer apply
• in many cases society is different (role of women, technology, working
styles…), making some of the early info limiting or useless

**Our INNER Loving PARENT voice follows the ‘general guidelines’ for healthy self-care. It is a biological imperative that children require mental, emotional & physical attachment to maintain psychological health.
Some of the things we would have gotten in a functional family (there are no perfect ones) include the need-to-connect common to all children —>
BY:
• having thoughts, emotions, fantasies & our needs validated, so we can do that for ourself later
• providing realistic mirroring, which allows us to know who we are
• giving us opportunities to have an effect / make an impact/ influence others around us
• being listened to, our needs understood & accepted, & at least some of the time wishes / desires provided
BY:
• feeling secure with a safe adult who can be relied on to provide protection, like freedom from humiliation & physical violence
• receiving support & guidance, with physical closeness & positive shared experiences, such as learning & playing together
• opportunities to express our gratitude to & love for good parents & caretakers, received well by them as a sign of bonding & loyal

EXPRESSIONS of GOOD Parenting – PROVIDE :
Physical
✿ security = for child’s body & life. Shelter, clothes, nourishment, protection from dangers….
🌺 development = for physical growth. Includes good health habits, training the body w/ sports, games ….

Intellectual
✿ security = conditions for child’s mental growth. If their dignity is safe, with nobody encroaching on the child physically or verbally, then they  freedom have to learn. Includes bonding times, an atmosphere of peace & justice in family, a “no-fear, no-threat, no-verbal abuse” environment

🌺 development = Intellectual games, with opportunity to learn Reading, Writing, Calculating, & the laws of nature.
Includes Social skills & Etiquette, Moral & Spiritual understanding, Ethics, Values & Norms… contributing to the child’s beliefs

Emotional
✿ security = help protect & shield child’s fragile psyche in a safe environment, with Emotional support & encouragement. Includes giving a sense of being loved, needed, welcomed, by emotional attachment, caressing, hugging, touch….

🌺 development = give an opportunity to love other people & animals, to help siblings, grandparents…. Includes actively caring for / showing empathy & compassion to younger, older, weaker, sicker people.

TREAT YOURSELF in THESE positive WAYS! (+NP to WIC & +NC)

NEXT : Parent ES, Part 2