Ego States – PARENT (Part 1) Source


SITE: REBT & CENT therapies, and
3 distinctions between them


PES = Parental ego state

Reminder: Ego states are normal internal parts of ourselves, aspects of our True Self that are supposed to work together for our benefit.

Main PURPOSE of P: The survival of the Species
a. For US: In general, the PES ego states allows us to function automatically, so we can respond to many aspects of our life without having to think about ‘How or What’ (how to behave in different situation, how to ride a bike or dress ourselves, what we believe, what comes next, what’s right.good mom…). This saves time & effort, freeing up the Adult part of us to make decisions ‘in the now’.

ALSO – the inner P (P2) directs how we treat ourselves, both in inner dialogues & actions. When we ‘hear’ its voice, it’s either loving or abusive (+NP or -CP). Because its purpose is to tell us how we’re supposed to ‘nurture’ ourselves, we need to evaluate it carefully, to check it for toxic content, & then work to correct what’s harmful & reinforce what’s healthy.

⬇️ P1 in this chart indicates the stage when the ‘early parent’ (C’s P) is formed – from birth to about age five (review CHILD – Part 6“)

b. For OTHERS: It functions as PARENT to the next generation (our own children, & anyone else in genuine need), using a combination of our family experiences + our native personality + what we’ve taught ourselves.
The ideal parent is “all-about-the-child”, nurturing & protective

CHILD ES = “Archaeo-psyche” // ADULT ES = “Neo-psyche”

Inner PARENT Ego State (P.E.S.) ‘Extero-psyche’
1. HISTORIC (rooted in the past)
This ES is our Introject  – either positive or toxic, an internal picture of how we saw & experienced our real parents & other important care-givers when growing up.
Children are highly intuitive, with little antenna up all the time to learn about themself & how they’re expected to behave.
Since all children think they’re the center of the universe, they assume everything the adults do & say is about themself, which leads to a limited understanding of & sometimes distorted perspectives on the grow-ups

⬇️ P1 in this chart indicates the stage when the ‘early parent’ (C’s P) is formed – from birth to about age 5 (review CHILD – Part 6“)
P2 :
Then the grown-up Parent ego state starts developing from age 5 to around 20, with continued input from caretaker & authority figures. After that, any time P1 in C2 (Parent in our Child) gets triggered, we tend to reacts just like our original role models.

EMOTIONS: Most of our emotions are housed in the Inner Child E. S. since we start out as children, & the first way we communicate, before we can talk, and The Adult E.S. is non-emotional
🔸But the Parent E.S. definitely has feelings – anger, compassion, concern, enjoyment, frustration, healthy pride, humor, joy, love, patience, pleasure…

Defenses are maneuvers used by the subconscious mind to protect & serve our various E.S., which can become the way we interact with others & treat ourselves. Not to be used to mediate between conflicts in the subconscious part of ourselves (neural networks), & so reducing anxiety

While they are survival tools, they’re usually not good substitutes for healthy coping behaviors. When over-used & hardened into compulsive life-patterns, defenses become harmful, because they interfere with or prevent us from developing our True Self.

Healthy ADULT – We all need defenses to some degree, & when in this E.S. we use them sparingly & as benefits, in the service of the True Self, such as :
Altruism, Compensation (making up for a perceived weakness), Fantasy (imaging what’s possible or as pleasant diversion), Humor, Sublimation (channeling sexual energy into socially approved activities)….

Damaging PARENT
a. ‘Influencing’ – operates Internally, uses : Denial, Repression, Splitting, Suppression, S-H (negative self-talk)…. (see list of Defenses)

b. Activeexternalizing the PES, can use : Displacement, Projection, Reaction Formation, Rationalization…
If Parent excludes (ignores) A & C, one DEFENSE will be religiosity
 If Adult excludes P & C, it will be intellectualization
 If the Child excludes P & A, then it’s flattering pseudo-compliance

NEXT : Parent ES -#2

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