ACoAS & WEAK Boundaries (Part 2)

rigid Bs 

so I don’t upset other people

PREVIOUS: ACoAs & WEAK Bs (Part 1)



They represent not having the right to our needs, often expressed as a general passivity in life – letting people & circumstances push us around.
BTW, you may notice that some of these expressions of weak Bs are the same or similar to those of rigid Bs. This is only natural since the underlying causes all come from our unhealthy upbringing.

SEXUALB invasion
We have weak Bs if we:
• can’r distinguish between love and sex
• have sex when we don’t want to
• feel a need to always be in a sexual relationship
• attach our self-esteem to being sexually attractive
• let others touch us, even when it’s uncomfortable or inappropriate
• “fall in love” at first sight  – just because someone seems interested or reaches out to us

We have weak Bs if we:
• are indecisive. & therefore unpredictable, undependable
• set no specific limits on our willingness to help others
• sacrifice our own goals, projects & self-care to help others – from FoA
• don’t protect our need for privacy, letting our physical space be invaded, such as letting people — stand or sit too close
— take and/or use something of ours without asking
— snoop around in our things…… without doing something about it
• allow others to take as much as they want from us (time, $$, energy….)
have to do something a certain way or modify our behavior so that someone else can continue their unproductive or unsafe behavior – as an enabler of any kind of bad or self-destructive behavior
• let others determine our wants, needs & tastes, sacrificing them to the desire of others
no choiceWE:
• give too much, either by being controlling (B invading) OR overly responsible (having to do everything ourselves)
overcompensate for when we think we’ve messed up in word or action
• measure another person’s caring by material gifts – how much, what kind
• accept unwanted gifts to not hurt feelings or make others angry

We have weak Bs if we:
• let other’s influence / effect our behavior, unclear about our own preferences
• always verbally agree with others, even when we actually don’t
• are afraid to ask for help, so have to constantly manipulate others to get what we want (indirectly)
• personalize everything, over-reacting to feelings or behavior of others (assume other’s reactions are all about us)
• feel like we’re covering something up or keeping a secret, such as battered wives hiding injuries, kids covering up parental addictions, emotional torture, mental illness….
• get too close too fast, share too much personal info (especially our faults) before establishing mutual trust
• ignore our inner voice & rely on others’ opinions, values & emotions
• allow the expectations of others to define our potential
• compromise values & beliefs to please others or to avoid conflict

We have weak Bs if we:
• are dependent for our identity & emotional well-being on what others think of us, so have become chameleons OR isolates
• symbiotically attach ourselves to someone, something – anything!
• need constant reassurance from others that we’re acceptable
• feel everything ‘too much’m not able to contain or soothe emotions
• are not cblend or leaveomfortable being alone – at least some of the time
• people-please – say yes when we want to say no, & then act out later, either on ourselves (S-H) or at others (passive-aggression)
• are constantly preoccupied with & overwhelmed by others’ emotions, needs & problems (take on as if our own), feeling responsible for their happiness & fulfillment
• ignore our own discomfort, anger, anxiety or fear so someone else can be happy & comfortable
• feel & act like victims, have no balance of power or responsibility in relationships
• have a high tolerance for abuse, for being treated with disrespect
• can’t say no, even when wanting to, for fear of rejection (abandonment)

NEXT: RIGID Boundaries – #1