TYPES of Questions (Part 1b)

all I can about myself!!

PREVIOUS: Types of Qs (Part 1a)

SITE: The Incredible Power Of The Right Qs


TYPES of Questions – Subsidiary (Qs)
Qs that extend & stretch the meaning of info being gathered. They take the straightforward (obvious) & see where it might lead, searching below the surface to find implications in the original info (explicit –> implicit). (Reading between the lines, what does this text really mean?”)

Qs that determine the importance, effectiveness, or worth of something or someone. Answers usually require sophisticated levels of thinking & feeling, asking the responder to make evaluations & judgements based on analyzing info at multiple levels & from different perspectives. (“What kind of a teacher was Mr Smith?”)

FACTUALfactual Qs
Qs that ask for reasonably simple, straight forward responses based on obvious facts or awareness. Usually aimed at the most basic level of thinking or feeling (“Did you go to a City College or Ivy League School”?)

Qs that channel the respondent’s answers with a series of Qs that get narrower at each step, starting with open Qs, & ending with closed ones, or vice-versa:
a. From SPECIFIC to BROAD (Deductive)specifics first
Starts by asking a person to remember as many specifics of a situation as possible, & then work toward more general observations (“You saw that hit-&-run accident. What can you tell me about the man & his car?”)
b. From BROAD to SPECIFIC (Inductive)general info first
Here the responder is asked for an overview of a situation, & then using the big picture, try to remember as many specific details as they can (“If everyone has the ability to learn, then why do you think you can’t?”)

Qs designed to explore possibilities & test relationships. They usually project a theory or an option out into the future, wondering what might happen if… Especially helpful when trying to decide between a number of choices, trying to solve a problem, or deciding if hunches, suppositions or hypotheses have any merit (“What do you think would happen of you let yourself be successful?”)

Qs designed to gather facts, searching for needed in a specific context, re some aspect, concept, issue, or problem. They ‘power’ all learning. (“How many inches in a mile?”)

INVENTIVEinventive Qs
Qs that turn findings inside out, upside down. They adjust, alter, distort, modify & rearrange bits & pieces of info – until they produce a Eureka moment – the discovery of something brand new (“If I combine these 5 yarns, I wonder if it would make a beautiful sweater?”)

Qs that are made to distract, sidetrack or divert from the task or conversation at hand. This may be a tactic to keep others off-balance, get away from a sensitive topic or protect the speaker from being caught out. (“So, what did you say about the weather?”)
However, this type of Q can also be beneficial, since the creation of new knowledge almost always requires some wandering off course.
“The search for Truth requires the courage to venture out and away from the familiar and the known ….” From Moby Dick (”How can we understand the unconscious”?)

Qs that explore ideas or facts generally considered off-limits or over-the-top.. They challenge far more than conventional wisdom, holding no respect for authority, institutions or myths, leaping over, under or through walls, rules & regulations. They are considered disrespectful, or at the very least impolite, but are often used in comedy routines (“Why is the Emperor not wearing any clothes?”)

NEXT: Types of Qs – Part 3


old fahionedHOW DO I FEEL ABOUT YOU?
I’m thinking, I’m thinking!

PREVIOUS: Infatuation, Sexual…..

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.


TO LIKE OR NOT TO LIKE, that is the question   🙂
ACoAs are often confused about their thoughts & emotions regarding others.
We  :
• were DIScouraged from knowing needs, preferences, dislikes
• & now are not allowed to have them even if we do know
• are more worried about how others feel about us – if they’ll approve or be angry at us, which leave us….
• in conflict between the damaged (WIC) & our developing Recovery (UNIT) voices

BESIDES being given distorted thinking, ACoAs grow up with little or no information about what ‘normal’ is, to help us figure out what’s going on in our head & with others.
These 2 posts list 60 questions to find out about your thoughts & emotions:
happy couple• regarding a new romance or marriage partner – OR
• review how you feel now about someone you’ve been in relationship with for a while (even yrs) but may be wondering how to evaluate it

Taken from “The Love Test” book by Harold Bessell, PhD, 1984
• The quiz is measures the degree of excitement about a specific person, & your desire for a permanent intimate relationship – sexual, mental, emotional & spiritual – with them. The focus is on the person-to-person factor, not sexual interest

• Research suggests that 6 out of 7x, a strong romantic attraction can dissipate within 3-4 months. If the desires remains after that rime, with enough contact it will likely continue for many years

• The 4 month rule doesn’t apply if there is physical distance, a fantasy connection (letters, email…) or an attraction to someone who’s not truly available. An interest in this type of lover will usually dissipate in a few days if you  spend face-to-face time with the real person

• Also, when someone has a ‘fear of intimacy’, living together or getting married may actually trigger withdrawing affection & sexual closeness. This disruption of the bond with a loved one is not from lack of compatibility but rather a person’s unresolved ifear of intimacy

• When taking the test, you will get the best results if you are NOT too tired, depressed, angry, sad, frightened or overwhelmed. If any of these emotions persist, take the test several times & see if there is a combined average
• There are no wrong answers – only your honest evaluation.
INVENTORY info in Part 2  (Qs, 31-60)
➼  Print out Part 1 & 2.  Put a check mark in the column which best fits your responses about a specific person: _____________ (🧡)

NOTE: Evaluate previous partners & compare. Look for a pattern of qualities missing in any of them. Is that a coincidence?
👀 You may be able to use some of these Qs to evaluate a family member, friends, a mentor…. leaving out the romance / sex part.
🌹 Be gentle on yourself at all times, but especially if you’re a “survivor”.

NEXT : Questionnaire 31-60

MY RIGHTS – Questionnaire (1-24)


Who me?  Really?

PREVIOUS: Healthy RULES – #3

SITE: (UN) What are Human Rights?



•  No matter how long ACoAs are in Recovery, it’s always good to be reminded what we have a right to be and have, as human beings – since we were originally brainwashed by family to not even know what our needs are, much less have a right to fulfill them.

We must provide for our needs as much as possible, both from ourselves and with the help of appropriate others, as a prerequisite to:
• having boundaries                            • being empowered
• eliminating deprivation                  • not being manipulated
• preventing abuse                              • feeling good about ourselves
• minimizing anger & resentment   • enjoying our life

• Fill out these 2 questionnaires, the best you can (Part 2 next post).
If you get stuck, ask someone who knows you well, AND who is respectful, which ones they think you express in your daily life. See what you think – but it’s OK to disagree or not be sure
• Go through the statement again once a year (maybe on your B/day or at the New Year), to clock your Recovery progress

• Take the “nos” as goal to work toward, but NOT as things to beat yourself up about! Remember “We are damaged not defective.”
• Pick a different one each week or month to focus on.

Start with the “SOME” column, since that may be easier.  At the end of each week / month, evaluate if & how you applied it, or at least increased your awareness about the Right
• Eventually many of these rights will become second nature & you will feel safer & stronger.