ATTRACTIVENESS – MBTI & Enneagram

attractioon 

PREVIOUS: M vs F Brains #8

REVIEW: Relationship stages // Continuum

SITE: ATTRACTION & BEAUTY

 

 

WHAT makes us ATTRACTIVE?

1. Sanity – The ability to distinguish between reality & fantasy
2. Psychological health – A person with good psychological health is more stable, positive & easier to live with

3. Assertive boundary (B) – a form of Personal Bs, expressed in actions
EnneaType: 1s & 8s have the strongest active boundary function, with an internal reference frame of reality, good at pushing their beliefs into the external world
MBTI: T + J gives strong assertive Bs (ENTJ & ESTJ, INTJ & ISTJ)

4. Non-reactive boundary – also a form of personal Bs, but it’s to not take on the fight. Instead, it’s being able to ignore the whole thing (big or small) & move on. It’s expert at conserving energy by not reacting – a preservation mechanism.
EnneaWings: 5w4 & 5w6, 8w9 & 9w8 – are the strongest
MBTI: I-TP (ISTP & INTP) are the strongest

5. Human Depth
We are complicated & easily insulted. Most people seem to think there’s so much more to them than others realize OR that everyone’s just like themselves. However, MBTI shows that –
• Thinkers have more depth in the world of the mechanical
• Feelers have more depth in the world of the living
• iNtuitives are better at abstract, imaginative thinking
• Sensers are better at taking in & processing information through the 5 senses

6. Intelligence – women want a smart partner more than men do
• Men are more visual, so care more about looks than women (proven scientifically)
• Some men are very proud &/or dominant types,  so need to feel smarter than their woman. If a potential partner is much smarter, it could be a deal-breaker
• Women go more by personality, which includes intelligence. so a smart man is never a deal-breaker

7. Brain-side orientation
Opposites attract – someone who mostly uses the Left brain is strangely drawn to someone who mainly uses the Right side. It doesn’t have to be an exact 1-1 correlation, it just needs it to be decent. People who are balanced, with only a slight left side domination (say 55%), can be with a wider range of people.  (Right vs Left sides)


8. Speed
: of action, decision making, physical movements & thinking.
Enneagram Instinctual Variants: – Sexual (sx) brings massive speed,  Social (so) gives some, & Self-preservation (sp) slows things down

HIGH: 2w1, 2w3 / 3w2, 3w4 / 4w3 (burst quality) / 6w7 / 7w6, 7w8 / 8w7
MODERATE: 1w2 / 4w5 (burt) / 6w5 / 8w9
Burst quality depends a lot on the persons’ mood or mental stateattractiveness

9. General physical attraction
• good posture, good skin
• right ratios in face & body
• slim, tall (usually, not always)
• muscular, + other signs of health &/or fertility

10. Personal physical attraction – its purpose is to even out one’s own extremes of some characteristic. The farther away from the “preferable average” of a given trait is, the more compelled a person will be to find a partner that cancels out that extreme, so their combination creates a “healthy average”

11. Genetic smell (immune system switches)
A collection of genes called The Major Histo-compatibility Complex (MHC) coordinates our immune system, & also decides how we smell.
Here too, opposites attract. We like people who have different ‘switches’ in their immune system from ours, & we can tell that by their smell. Our opposites also help to produce healthier offspring. This preference might prevents incest, since we’re less attracted to ‘like’ types

12. Ns and Ss mostly attract each other
This is the exception the opposites-attract rule. Normally, people with these opposing functions are not drawn to each other.
However some Ns & Ss do form a successful relationship that last a life-time, BUT only if they match each other very well on other criteria (OR if the N is used to having their S/N side discounted or abused – as so many ACoAs do!)

NOTES 
Points 4 & 9 are directly related to MBTI type

Points 1 & 3 / 10 & 12 are not. (Though “Sanity” is weakly correlated, since more neurotic types like Ennea 4′s often have mental problems)

• Points 1 & 9 are about the brain / 10 & 12 are about the body
• Points 1, 2 & 3 are ‘invisible’ things unknown to humans, but incorporate some commonly known things

OTHER influences on attractiveness, commonly known & also impossible to scientifically pin down or define:
— character / confidence (big one!) / how funny someone is / how big
— honesty / maturity / street smarts / wit…..
(FROM a Swedish site no longer available)

NEXT: Function Development

4 PARENTING Styles & RESULTS (Part 1)

4 styles

 

 

 

 

I LOVE OVERVIEWS! – They provide perspective

SITES: 10 Parenting Styles  // Other STYLES (slides 16-17)
How the Tigers, Dolphins & Jellyfish Parents Differ
• TIGER MOM – Cultural differences (+ cartoon by Keith Knight)

DEF: Parenting styles are techniques that parents use to take care of their children.
Categories: Authoritative, Autocratic, Permissive & Neglectful (1 healthy, 3 unhealthy), with –
Degrees of:
– Nurturing Affection : warm to cold
– Demand & Control : more or less
Dimensions that are essential: Communication styles / Disciplinary strategies / Expectations of maturity & control / Warmth & nurturance (Diana Baumring – 1967)

Our basic identity is modified & shaped by our experiences with our parents – forming the structure of our adult personality. What we learned then is deeply implanted in our most primitive, powerful emotions as young children, when we were totally vulnerable to being molded.diagram of parenting styles

• Each of us is unique – different from everyone else, both as individuals & in relation to our family structure (gender, birth order, looks, interests….).
• And each parent has their own pre-set core Self & personality style. The mix & match is complex & often at odds.

Finding actual cause-&-effect links between specific parental actions & children’s resulting ‘personality’ is not simple or easy. Some children raised in dramatically different environments can later grow up to have remarkably similar personalities.

Conversely, some who share a home & raised in the same environment can grow up to have astonishingly different personalities –  due to the same or different Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, Astrology….
However, researchers have found correlations between these 4 categories & how children turn out

Realistically, the Parental Style used is the one that each child experiences, not the one the adults ‘think’ they’re working from, or wish they could work from. Actually, most parents switch between all 4.
The length & intensity of their interactions with children are based on emotional states, motivations, engagement, levels of stress, feeling fresh or tired…. at any given moment.
But most parents always default to a favorite negative style, while only a few aspire to / work at living more in the healthy one (Authoritative).

The next 2 composite charts outline the 4 main types (#1 & 2)

MY parenting -1NEXT: Parenting styles (Part 2)