PROCESS – Recovery (Part 2a)


Yes. And it’s not a dirty word!

PREVIOUS: Process – ACoA version

BOOK:   PASSAGES, by Gail Sheehy

2. HEALTHY PROCESS – using Al-Anon’s 3 As
a. AWARENESS (Aw) – mainly ‘head’
i. What: It’s usually about information, based in reality
• something about ourselves, our past, the people we do/did interact with – those ‘AHA‘ moments that makes sense of something confusing or distressing
• it can be the end result of years of study & self-examination or by making an intuitive leap
• can also be about buried emotions which surface, sometimes unexpectedly, as a shock or as a result of conscious Recovery work
• a moment of ‘Spiritual Awakening’ – which lights up our inner worldawareness

ii. How: Aw. can come from:
• books, TV, movies, songs, websites, blogs
• therapy, 12-step programs, ministers, other healers
• talking to family, friends – even strangers
• meditation, journaling, drawing, Inner Child Writing,  -etc.

iii. Who – is mainly from the Healthy ADULT ego state, which is observing & learning from everything in the present, accumulating & putting pieces of info together – in our own unique way
• It is not info coming from fear, self-hate, shame, guilt... So, NOT from the bad parent or the wounded child ego states

vi. About:
• it takes a certain amount of Recovery to realize just how damaged we really are! – as denial diminishes, & we can handle the truth about our family
self-esteem is not arrogance, selfishness or ‘ego’
• that we don’t deserve abuse — for anything!
• active addicts made poor parents, friends, mates, bosses
• that following the toxic family rules is soul murder
• that perfectionism is an expression of our self-hate
• our identity cannot, must not, depend on having everyone like or approve of us
• some people will not appreciate the changes that come from our growth

• we can’t convince others of our point of view IF it contradicts their Inner Truth (healthy)
• other people can’t see us or some strong belief we hold IF agreeing with us would cost them their sense of personal equilibrium (unhealthy)
• no matter how hard we try to improve ourselves, some people will never be comfortable with us

b. ACCEPTANCE (Acc) – mainly about Feelings & Process
— covered extensively in post: ’Acceptance & ACoAs
i. What:
• Takes time to thaw out (lessen rigid defenses) enough to allow old accumulated emotions to surface.  All that pain, still hidden in the unconscious, powers the engine of our S-H & lack of clear identity
• It’s the opposite of our WIC’s alcoholic grandiosity, which makes us think we have impossible powers, over everything, all the time
• taking responsibility for our own lives, while thoroughly acknowledging what happened to us as kids
• the essence of the Serenity Prayer
• Al-Anon’s 3 Cs “I didn’t Cause it, I can’t Control it, I can’t Cure it’

ii. How – by:good group
• understanding what it is & isn’t (see post)
• having a loving, safe & smart support system
• persevering, no matter how long it takes
• learning to consistently be there for our IC
• a conscious effort to deal with reality, as much as we can
• connecting with an H.P. of our understanding, to heal us

iii. Who – mainly the Wounded Inner Child (WIC)
• Psychically, we have a huge ‘trans-atlantic’ multi-stranded steel cable, with one end attached to our gut & the other to our family (dead or alive).
• In Recovery we have to snip away at each strand that feeds us their damage, & yes, keep any that are safe, healthy & useful. This takes time, effort & repetition

vi. About self-love
• we are damaged, NOT defective. Damage can be healed
• S-H is a defense against feeling the original abandonment pain
everything self-hate tells us is always a LIE
• all emotions give us legitimate information about our experiences
❗️ transferring personal power from the WIC to our developing UNIT
normal = human = imperfect = OK / acceptable

NEXT : Healthy Process – “Actions” (Part 2)