RECOVERY Thoughts for ACoAs

lion & lamb
– just don’t obey it!

PREVIOUS: My Rights Qs (25-48)

SITE: 5 Major Benefits of Recovery

This is a open-ended review
– which can be used as a set of goals to work toward & to see our progress. Add your own to each category.

♥ Be absolutely sure that you:
• are damaged, not defective. Damage can be healed, & you’re OK
• can be of service to others without being co-dependent
• can say & believe – “I Know what I Know, & I can’t know everything”
• have a right to be alive, and be exactly who & what you are
• have a right to & can achieve a measure of healing & happiness

♥ Be Accepting of:
• all your emotions, no matter how unpleasant or socially unpopular
• other people’s differences. You don’t need them to be carbon copies
• your childhood damage, without constantly repeating it
• the time it takes to work on your issues
• your own reactions to what others do & say to us
• your Inner Sadist (I.S.). The more they hurt us as kids, the angrier we are. If we make friends with the I.S. we don’t have to act it out on anyone
• other people’s kindness, compliments, validation
• our humanity, with it’s beauty & it’s imperfections

outer child♥ Be Aware :
• of your talents, gift, accumulated knowledge & experience
• of the options you have in most situations
• of your effect on others, positive or negative
• of how other people can trigger your old pain (the buttons)
• that you’re not your own Higher Power
• that God is not an alcoholic parent
• that your emotions cannot harm others – only your words & actions
• that others’ reactions to you are about them & are their responsibility

♥ Be healed enough to:
• be able to take care of yourself, reasonably well
• hear what other people are actually telling you about themselves
• not try to fix others, no matter how much pain or trouble they’re in
• no longer be sexually attracted to emotionally or physically inappropriate or dangerous people (rage-aholics, alcoholics, gamblers drug addicts, & other narcissists)
• stay at a respectful distance from ‘nice people’ who are passive-aggressive, needy, or so shut down that you can’t connect with them
• act appropriately in most social situations – neither from perfectionism nor from rebellion, not from co-dependence nor from terror
• not have to obey your Toxic Rules
• to listen to good advice, but ultimately follow your gut & experience

♥ Be willing to:
• be as emotionally honest with others as you’re capable of, without hurting yourself or them (live in your truth)
• be the Good Parent & Healthy Adult, taking care of the Healthy kid
• express all your talents (skilled or imperfectly)
• follow your dreams, no matter who objects
• keep looking for answers to your difficulties. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help before you collapse!
• listen to the needs, thoughts & emotions of the WIC
• never give up, no matter how hard things are, but it’s good to take breaks
• not let the WIC run your live, nor let the kid do self-harming things

MAJOR RECOVERY TRUTH: A sure sign of mental health & emotional maturity is to know in your very bones that:
Most things being done to us or around us have NOTHING to do with US!
Being convinced that it does – comes from the PP or WIC.

self-love treeTo repeat: Most the time, “It’s not about us = ie – our True Self”!
That includes all the stuff our parents did to us, at us, on us, around us, BUT not about who we are fundamentally!
Even when people react to something we did or said, their behavior is their responsibility. As a reminder, see post on ‘Personal Responsibility’.

NEXT: “Feelings aren’t facts” #1