I HAVE TO PROTECT MYSELF at all costs!

PREVIOUS: Categories #4

SITE: “Neural representation of facial-emotion reflects conceptual structure“

OTHER Anger-EXPRESSIONS (cont)
▪️BULLYING anger
Bullies vent their anger on those who don’t matter to them, or who they’re actively trying to undermine. They need to intimidate (using Anger + Fear) to be one up – using verbal assaults, seduction, mind games, political maneuvering….

Even though they are indeed fueled by aggressive anger, bullies can control outward signs of it much of the time when in public. They disguise their true intentions & emotions, especially around people they feel the need to impress, & so are unlikely to see the bully’s cruel side. (MORE….re. the workplace)

NOTE: Both bullies & other narcissists are only interested in getting their own way & can’t empathize with their victims. However, a basic difference is that:
• bullies know their victims hate what’s happening to them & that they haven’t done anything to the perpetrator directly. Targets are just seen as fearful, passive & vulnerable (weak), so ‘deserve’ to be pick on, while —-

• narcissists (especially NPDs) can’t even imagine that other people have needs or feelings different from their own, so are completely baffled when someone disagrees, balks or gets mad at them. They can’t understand how anyone would object to their words, demands or actions – since others are just tools to be used – not separate entities in their own right.

▪️CHEMICAL anger – some causes, including poor nutrition & low blood sugar :
• Biochemical – alcohol, drugs (‘roid rage, PCP berserking….), drug interactions, lead poisoning, stopped smoking
• Diseases : Alzheimers, cancer, heart, kidney, thyroid, Parkinson’s
• Medications : BuSpare types, Desyrels, Neurosine, Trazodone
• Neurologic : brain injuries, epilepsy, organic personality & pre-menstrual syndrome, TB

These & others greatly impair awareness & responses to external social cues because the brain cannot function normally. We see this in the violent or ‘mean drunk’ – what they say is likely what they really think & feel, unleashed because they’ve temporarily lost self-control. (MORE...)

▪️CONTROLLING anger
It’s used to gain power over other people & situation, to force things to go the controller’s way, or when something doesn’t turn out the way they wanted.
This anger is not always obvious, & can be in the form of : acting superior, being a poor loser, expecting that kiss/ make-up sessions will solve problems, not paying attention, not delegating, mistrusting everyone, showing off, talking over people’s heads, wanting center stage all the time….  (Post “ACoAs acting controlling”)
EXPs:
• If someone is afraid of losing their job they may feel anger instead of the underlying fear, which can be acted out in many ways such as badmouthing co-workers, in the hope of getting them fired to save one’s own position
• If someone or group is afraid their candidate will lose an election, they might get angry & argue with anyone leaning toward the opponent to get them to switch sides, rather than focusing on the issues or the candidates’ records…..

Deliberate / Planned: Sounding & acting angry when the person is not actually upset about something – at least at first. These types really know what they’re doing. Since they’re all about control, they won’t usually blow up, making their reaction – when they do – quite shocking.

It’s a performance without having to invest any real emotion, a way to gain power by threatening or bullying others – but this only works on the damaged & vulnerable, & only for a while

This is a tactic actually taught to cops, interrogators & top salespeople, and used by some parents, teachers & bosses…. as a way to manipulate & intimidate a person or group into doing what they want (be quiet, buy a product, do a task, go away….)
— OR used ‘positively’ by some preachers, therapists, politician or other group leaders – as a way to rouse a person or group to action for the good of their soul, their family, community or the world.
(Article: “What Do You Mean I’m Being Controlling?”)

NEXT : Anger Categories (Part 6)

LET’S SEE – WHAT LEVEL
of rage am I at right now?!

PREVIOUS: Ways to react (Part 2)

LEVELS of anger – Variations (cont)    6. Emotional INTENSITY //
7.  Anger Matrix  // 8. Anger SPECTRUM

9. Anger Thermometer (Kassinove & Tafrate) 
• All uncomfortable emotions are signals we need to pay attention to, because they indicate that something’s bothering us or that something’s really wrong. And – maybe we need take an action, ASAP.
Knowing the levels of Emotion Signals is a way to be in charge of ourselves, but have to be learned. Awareness = Empowerment

THIS chart shows a gauge of anger levels, so each category can be expressed clearly & directly, using the word most closely identifying the intensity at the moment.

After considering the options, answer this Q, with the Percentage Level:
“When I consider what we’ve been talking about / what’s been happening, I feel__________”.

• Stress creates emotional & physical feeling states, & is part of life. When over-stressed, our ability to handle things goes down & the tendency toward anger goes up.
We over-do, yet over-expect what the payoff ‘should’ be.
OR – we blame ourselves for not being able to cope ‘perfectly’ in all situations, which is totally unrealistic, & is based on one or more CDs (cognitive distortions)

Sadly, our culture rarely gives permission to ‘do less’, nor gives the help needed to handle all that’s expected of us. SO – it’s up to us to realistically minimize stress & find as much support as possible, in order to thrive.

10.“Anger Management Techniques” (Dr. DeFoore’s eBook” – Escalation levels : 1 = LEAST, 10 = MOST intense)
Level 1. Cool, calm & collected. You may or may not actually be happy, but definitely not angry, anxious or irritated
Level 2. Slightly irritated or agitated, but not enough to bother you or affect your behavior. You can see the big picture about problems,
but it’s hard to relax

Level 3. Irritation & frustration are fairly high, just starting to affect your behavior. It is almost impossible to relax & it’s getting harder to put things in perspective or have empathy for others

Level 4. People are really starting to bother you, so you don’t have much patience. You usually don’t say anything, still stuffing the anger. You don’t feel settled at all, but can still focus enough to make realistic decisions

Level 5. Now you’re ready to yell – at that other driver, or text nasty messages to give someone a piece of your mind.
You don’t act on these impulses yet, but are getting short & irritable with others, while still trying to be friendly. Starting to have tunnel vision.

Level 6. Now it’s just not fun anymore. You’re frustrated & angry at yourself & pretty much at everybody else. Others are starting to notice something’s wrong, as you get more short-tempered & jumpy. Your thinking is not as clear as it usually is

Level 7. You’re thinking stuff like “This has to stop / I can’t take this any more / I’m going to show them they can’t do this to me / They’ll get what’s coming to them…..” You’re obsessing & very tense. You need help

Level 8. Now you’re coming up with a (bad) plan. You can’t take it any more, so you’re going to take action, because it feels like you have no choice. Something has to change. You’re not thinking clearly, & even though you know it might backfire, you’re considering retaliation

Level 9. Now you do take action – yelling, threats & intimidation. You’re wondering what more you can do to show how angry they’ve made you, & how wrong they are.
Your emotions are running you, without any logic. You really need some anger management help, but you probably don’t know it

Level 10. At this point you’re dangerous to yourself &/or others – in fight mode, with the primitive brain in charge. You can only see one course of action (tunnel vision) & all you want is to make the pain stop.
You feel helpless & vulnerable, which is unbearable, but desperate to hide it. How else but with anger & lashing out? 
Immediate help is recommended!

NEXT: Anger Categories (Part 1)