PREVIOUS: Ego States – CHILD (Part 4)

SITE: Dictionary of T.A. Terms – (only / all “As”)

FORMS of the ADAPTED CHILD E.S.
We can regress into or take on any one of these variations of the WIC, applying whichever one seems to fit a situation when we feel unsafe.

LOST CHILD
This person is probably an introvert by nature, AND constantly ignored &/or left alone as a child. Their -AC received almost no mirroring, so has little or no sense of who they are. They invisible wherever they are, and rarely speaking up (not sharing or participating ) reinforce that state

COMPLIANT
a. In a less intense version, this state shows up as the ‘good girl or boy’, as people-pleasing, rescuing, care-taking, overly concerned with what others will think / say about them. This ACoA may be highly functional on the surface but needs hidden addictions to cope with the burden of perfectionism. They’re often the hard workers who can’t relax, not from ambition but from being vigilant all the time

b. In the severe form, the ACoA is a milquetoast, the ‘yes’ man/ woman who is run by sheer terror or being disobedient & unacceptable. It’s the kid that always gets bullied, the battered wife, the patsy, the loser ….

Basic characteristics : being amenable, obedient, even submissive.
They dutifully conform to the commands, demands or instructions of parental / authority figures, willing to carrying out orders, requests or wishes of another. They are too easily tested, too open & responsive to advice, criticism, judgment, suggestion

LITTLE FASCIST
A darker side we try to hide from ourselves & others. Some psychologists believe it’s a primeval survival mechanism that’s become redundant. Berne describes it as the part of our personality that likes to eat flesh. Given the right set of circumstances & long-term stressors, we can all release the Little Fascist, as seen in gangs, bullying of any kind, war crimes…. (More….)

REBELLIOUS
Defiant aspect of the AC, the extreme opposite of the Compliant, this Child E.S. is bent on opposing any form of authority, rules & accepted conventions of society. The ACoA feels &/or expresses strong disgust & repugnance for limits & anyone ‘above’ them.
They tends to be argumentative, with a contemptuous, antagonistic attitude. They’ll oppose or retard forward motion, growth, positive change – unless it benefits them. Their agenda may be hidden if they’re an isolator, or expressed in open defiance, or in organized resistance

LITTLE PROFESSOR
a. Child’s version of an Adult, starting around age 5.
It’s filled with some truths, a lot of half-truths, illusions, nonsense & mush. It’s the smart, creative & manipulative part that originally helped us learn how to get what we needed.
In an unhealthy family it functions in the background to gather & store data about what works & what doesn’t – in that environment. Survival is its prime directive, so whatever it takes to survive will become habits that follow us into adulthood

It functions on intuition & instinct with very limited understanding of reality, so it will cause us problem if we mistake the Little Professor (L.P.) for a True Adult, because it’s likely to tell us what we want to hear rather than health & truth (which it doesn’t know). In the present, as long as the L.P. is being hollowed, it limits what we assume are possible ways to provide for ourselves & our loved ones

b. On the plus side, it’s the curious & exploring Child part of us, always trying out new stuff, often much to the Controlling Parent’s annoyance. It’s full of creativity & imagination, so we need to give ourselves permission to access all our talents, whatever they are.
Both the L.P.. & the AES are ‘computer’ mode, but the latter has accurate data in the form of experience & wisdom on its hard-drive, which is missing in the L.P. Even so, we can make excellent use of it whenever creativity is needed, like writing, designing, teaching, & making anything new.

NEXT: PARENT ES #1

 PREVIOUS: : Ego States – CHILD (#5)

PAC = Parent, Adult, Child
ES = ego states

2. ADAPTED CHILD (cont)
2a. BROADLY (Part 4)
2b. SYMPTOMS (Part 5)

2c. A DEEPER look
✿ 2nd Order – review  Basics #5

P1 = Parent-in-the-child —> Adapted Child
C1 = Child-in-the-child —> Natural Child
A1 = Adult-in-the-child —> Little Professor 

These 3 ego-states (P1, A1, C1) develop mainly in the right brain, via the autonomic nervous system (ANS), which could explain the child’s excitement & literal thinking. The Little Professor ego-state (A1) is responsible for decoding the world through intuition & analog thought, that will guarantee physical & emotional survival.

✿ 3rd ORDER (cont)
a. NORMAL development: As a specialized subsystem, C1 is very sensitive to physical & emotional internal stimulation, from birth & even before. While in the womb, along with experiencing their own physical development, the unborn child already perceives “the rhythms of their own body & those of the mother.”

This is when the Child in the Child (C1) begins forming subdivisions Po, Ao and Co. Child Zero is the biological child, with the instinctive part & reflex reactions to stimuli that are common to humans. Co is who we are when we’re born, rudimentarily formed for survival & sociability – the emerging self. 

The substructure designated as Ao begins to develop around the time of birth. It will be responsible for learning through experience. Adult Zero occurs when recognition of certain family stimuli begin, causing a strong enough emotional response to the mother by the Co aspect to be remembered. 

The beginning of the development of Po (Parent Zero) occurs when the baby begins to develop adaptive responses to the environment & it represents the incorporation of the Parent ego-state that relates to the most basic needs of the child. Messages related to Po are usually physical & nonverbal.
(MORE….[PDF] The Little Professor: Reflection on the Structure, Development and Evolution of the Adult in the Child)

b. WOUNDED  adults : The Negative Adapted Child (-AC) is the network-location of our accumulated trauma.

The PARENT ‘voice’ is always made up of a combination of all our important caretakers, usually one louder than the others. If those original people were very damaged, the 3 PACs of our Child’s Parent E.S (P1) will have unhealthy aspects. As very young children we incorporate their wounds into our version of a parent (Negative introject / PigP), all of which are internalize as if they were us!

X : The Child (C2) carries our original caretakers’ Parent’s (P1) = THEIR “Critical Parent”, the neural map containing all the negative parental rules & cognitive distortions they had about themselves (passed down from our grandparents….).
The younger we were when subjected to this aspect of our family, the more receptive / vulnerable we were to absorbing them…. which becomes our most entrenched Injunctions or Prohibitions (12  DON’Ts)

Y: Also in PI our adapted Child (C2) holds THEIR Angry/Defiant Child – the neural network we carry of our caretaker’s frustrated rage about their negative injunctions, reflected in our 8 – 12 yr-old self

Z: Our Child’s P1 includes THEIR Vulnerable Child – an energy map of our caretaker’s youngest self, mirrored by our 1 – 7 yr old, carrying all their woundedness – traumatic experiences, loneliness, self-hate & fear of abandonment

VERY IMP: This hidden set of E.S. (from our actual parents, now living in our PigP (P2) need to be identified & separated out from OUR actual experiences, since those which originally harmed our caretakers may not have happened to us

EXPs: A father orphaned very young, or mentally / emotionally scarred by serving in a war, a mother sexually molested as a child or battered in a relationship…… none of which happened to us.
Yet their unhealed pain & resulting harsh or neglectful treatment towards us were inevitably absorbed – as if we’d lived thru those events too!

🦋 Once we’re clear about what part of the baggage we’re carrying is theirs (P1 & Po), we can ‘pack it all up’ & give it back to them – symbolically. We have enough of our own, thank you very much!
This can be done over & over – until we’re less burdened, via visualizations, in drawings, 2-handed dialogue between Healthy Adult & PP, with Bio-energetics, Primal or Gestalt (2 chairs), psychotherapy, 12-Steps, Prayer….

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NEXT: Child E.S. #7

PREVIOUS: Child E.S. (Part 2)

CES = child ego state
AES = adult   ”     ”
PES  = parent  ”    ”

NC = Natural C.  // AC = Adapted C.

2. ADAPTED Child (-AC) (cont)
Distressing &  traumatic childhood experiences which greatly harm the Natural / Free Child (+FC) can be grouped into:
❖ Developmental
• at age 4 : when a sibling was born, you were left behind when mom went to the hospital with no one to explain or comfort. Not knowing what was happening you were scared, alone, confused
• at age 6 : started school, wanting to belong but had trouble fitting in, with some of the same emotions of the 4 yr old – confused, scared, lonely ….

• as a teen : uncomfortable relating to the opposite sex, not being in the in-crowd …. feeling unsafe, shy & insecure, like first days at school
• as an adult :  when sexually attracted to someone, feeling like that insecure teen or scared 6 yr. old again, awkward when talking to them or afraid to approach for fear of rejection, like the 4 yr old whose mother ‘left’ you for another child!

◉ by Specific Events – long series of losses
• age 4: a parent permanently left or died. You didn’t understand, weren’t helped to cope with the pain, felt traumatized & withdrew
• age 7 :  family moved far away, separating you from familiar connections with school, neighbors & friends. Starting over was tough

• as a teen : your best friend left you behind to hang out with other kids, with no explanation. You were devastated, confused, lonely, angry
• as adult : when your mate, best friend of even your child goes out somewhere – without you – you may feel a deep pang of abandonment, fear & jealousy, as if they’re never coming back.
Accumulated abandonments left us either trusting no one or trusting too easily – just to not feel alone.
They can add up, leaving us feeling unwanted, so we become :
⚒ isolated, bitter, angry, even paranoid
⚒ OR create a persona to cover the pain – the comedian, the ‘brain’, the controlling leader, the bad boy…. someone no one can ignore to injure, ever again
⚒ OR the timid soul, the love-addicted, the ‘good one’, so invisible that no one can touch.

🔻 No matter which form the self-protection takes, the PigP or WIC is in charge, with a weak Healthy Adult & a missing Loving Parent.

2a. BROADLY – Natural/Free & Adapted C. are :
• each subdivided into healthy & unhealthy versions
• expressed inward toward self, & outward toward others.

We’re born totally +FC, having gotten all our needs met in the womb. Immediately that starts changing – at every turn we’re required to conform to the world around us. An infant has no choice.

🔺While the +FC is always our most basic Self –
the +AC is equally important. If our environment is relatively stable & encouraging, we can accept what is expected of us.
It uses learned behaviors to avoid pain & get what it wants/needs without being over-compliant, functioning within set boundaries needed to get along well in its culture without sacrificing the Natural Self

🔻 BUT when our early life is full of danger, disrespect & dismissal, our native personality will tend to choose one extreme or another, either over-conform or over-rebel, as its coping mechanism.
Child’s RESPONSES to Dysfunction:
The -FC refuses to adapt appropriately to society, over-rebelling against early abuse & neglect, to it’s own detriment, while —
— the -AC does whatever it can to conform to the harmful alcoholic / narcissistic environment (details in “Child ES #3”)

As adults, both NEG styles are compulsive, usually unconscious, applying their unhealthy attitudes & behavior pattern to all circumstance, indiscriminately. They’re driven by Toxic Rules, such as “Don’t object to abuse, don’t deserve good things, Be like us, Hurry up, Don’t risk….”
The -AC slavishly obeys them, the -FC denies any rules exist for itself.
They’re in the “I’m Not OK” mode, marked by guilt, helplessness, hurt, loneliness, rebelliousness, shame, terror & a deep sense of inadequacy

(-FC) Negative FREE / Natural Child :
For some people the Unhealthy FC is the ES that’s in the driver seat most or ALL of the time.
They are selfish – socially & personally irresponsible, in-the-moment doing whatever they feel like, regardless of consequences to self or others. Pleasure is their only goal, but the actual purpose is to avoid any unpleasant / painful emotions or interactions. EXP : someone who makes a joke of everything.

NOTE : Magical Thinking is a form of dissociation coming from the Adapted Child’s Adult (-A1), when it decided that “I can protect myself by splitting my Free Self (-FC) off from the rest of myself”. (Review post re. Disconnected ES parts)

NEXT: CHILD (Part 5)

I’M ABLE TO HAVE THE MOST FUN
when I’m in my Natural Child

PREVIOUS: CHILD E.S. (Part 1)

SITES: Images for T.A. Ego States (very interesting) and ‘Natural Child’ Test

CES = child ego state
AES = adult   ”     ”
PES  = parent  ”    ”
NC = Natural C.  // AC = Adapted C.

REMINDER : Everyone is born with 2 potential Ego States – our Natural self & the Adaptive capacity.

1. NATURAL (NC) or Free Child – in TA terms it’s the part of us that’s on the surface of our consciousness when we’re most relaxed & ourselves – when the Inner Parent (positive or negative) is not telling us who to be or how to act.

• It’s expressed in the way any happy child does – combining curiosity, intuition & creativity – as well as all emotions as they come up, without judgements. The NC is the state which loves, & whenever we play & are fun to be with. When we have a healthy sense of play our life becomes more balanced. Without access to the Natural Child life is quite dull, limited & stilted.

• It represents our True Self, as unique & individual as our fingerprints. It’s what we were born as, our heredity, our native capacities & tendencies, but which often goes unrecognized, unexplored, unappreciated…. or deliberately suppressed! It’s largely un-selfconscious, expressing non-verbal noises such as ‘yahoo, whee’…. It enjoys life, is open, vulnerable & is seen in autonomous, *spontaneous actions.

*Spontaneous: any communication or activity coming from a natural emotion or native tendency, without constraint. Occurring without apparent external influence, force or cause.  REQUIREMENT: a low-level of anxiety, even if only for a little while!

• The CES holds all the caring, enjoyable, helpful &  loving things we received growing up.  It’s the part that loves to giggle, laugh, have fun & enjoy the simple things in life – at any age, like the 70-year-old man sitting in the park enjoying an ice cream cone, or the couple dancing ‘like no one else exists’ – are in their Child state – in positive ways

HOWEVER, because all children are vulnerable, the CES can also be fearful, intimidated, need, selfish and manipulative – showing up as a brat – whiny, stubborn or demanding when it doesn’t get its way. SO, over time it will house all the experiences that caused us anxiety, sadness, rage, shame, terror… as well as creativity, curiosity & joy

• All forms of personality inventory (Myers-Briggs, MMPI, Enneagram…) are basically designed to identify the native characteristics of the NC. This is healthy the part we want to bring forward, encourage to express itself – that part of us that will shine, if allowed!  The Child E.S. can be seen at any age.

NOTE : it’s important to NOT idealize the NC, such as when some people call it the Golden Child, because it puts a burden on it that’s not realistic – to be perfect. Since the NC is our essence, it is by definition: human = imperfect, which is normal.

General NC CHARACTERISTICS
MENTAL
🔅 Brainstorms, is curious, creative, intuitive, has drive, with a great capacity for enjoyment, self-expression & being in the moment
🔅 Very literal, overly-truthful / blunt, insensitive to others’ feelings, since it is naturally self-centered
🔅 It is by nature optimistic, idealistic, exuberant, joyful. Its goal is self-actualization & intimacy/ human relating

EMOTIONAL
🔅 Holds our genuine emotions, is not afraid to let others know how it feels, & can ask for what it needs
🔅 Is natively either an Introvert or Extrovert (each person has their own degree of it on a continuum)
🔅 Can be selfish, immature or over-emotional, willful, not liking to share or take turns, out of touch with the real world or naive
🔅 It may be rebellious or co-operative, depending on circumstances & the developmental stage it’s in at the time

ACTION
🔅 Likes to explore, have adventures, and sometimes be impulsive, “leaping before you look”
NOTE: One reason being high or drunk is so appealing to many is that it tends to free the Adapted Child from the Critical Parent’s influence & ‘transform’ the person by releasing them into their Natural Child

NEXT: Child ES #3