Narcissist MIND GAMES : s-w (#7)


 

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MIND GAMES (cont)
√SHAPE-SHIFT
To keep their audience of ego-strokers, Ns are great at morphing into whatever persona will get then the most points for charm & desirability. These shifts are dictated by the circumstance & environment they happen to be in, to maintain good will, & ‘accommodate’ the person or group they can use.

Interesting: If you belong to a group where the N behaves a specific way (the pious goody in church, humanitarian of the year…. ) and then accidentally run into them in a totally different setting (drunk in a night club, bully boss at work….) you may be shocked & confused. Don’t be. They’re just a N shape-shifter.

√SLY DIGS
Many Ns love slyly putting you down in the form of joking. The point is to make an insulting comment you can both laugh at, but which will also make you feel bad about yourself.
EXP: Saying to a very thin woman “Be careful in the shower that you don’t slide down the drain” or “You’re so thin the wind will blow you away” HaHa….

It may be a funny jab at a physical characteristic (weight, bad at sports…) or mental quality (not having a higher education, trouble with math….). Even if you ask them to stop & explain politely why it’s hurtful, the N will keep at it. If they stop then, it’ll happen again, especially in front of others. Then – accuse you of being too sensitive or a cry baby – if you’re upset.

SMEARING 
Toxic Ns will slander you to family, friends & co-workers – to hide their own abusive behavior, by projecting it onto you. A smear campaign tries to sabotages your reputation so you’ll lose whatever support network you started out with, & then you won’t have anyone to fall back on if you decide to cut ties with the N. (More in the posts about Flying Monkeys)

TRIANGULATION
It’s when the N brings a 3rd person into your relationship to keep control, by only communicating through the extra voice. It’s most often used when there’s a problem in your relationship, & the N has no intention of facing & solving it. To convince you that you’re the cause, the N will find someone who’ll have their same perspective & get them to ‘explain it’ to you.

This 3rd person may compare you negatively to the N’s ex, a coworker, or another friend who’s better …. to reinforce the N’s goal of shutting you down.
OR the N can bring in a potential rival as a threat of abandonment, to ‘bring you in line’.
— In a family it can be pitting 2 people against a 3rd, to undermine that one’s power (EXP: mother & son against father).
— To divide & conquer, the N is the outside force who pits 2 other people against each other, to gain an advantage over or destroy perceived rivals

WITHHOLDING SEX &/or AFFECTION
Ns know that if they don’t give humans enough of something they need, they’ll long for more.
Any rare substance is usually highly valued. Unfortunately, your brain can misinterpret the deprivation as pining for the N.
Since they consider themselves a great prize – to maintain this delusion they ration themselves out to always leave you ‘hungry’.

This includes sex & affection, & with some Ns it’s even rationing their time, disappearing for weeks, then suddenly reappearing That way these Ns can enjoy the grandiosity of tossing you a bone every now & then, as a reward for ‘good’ behaviors. And most Victims hungrily devour these scraps.

WORD SALAD CONFLICTS
If you ever disagree with a N, want something different, or challenge them in any way – expect circular reasoning, mis-direction, projection & gaslighting. Distorted & nonsense talk often erupt into arguments – to confuse, discredit & frustrate. It’s meant to distract you from the main topic.

It can make you feel guilty for questioning the N’s behavior & (non-existent) integrity, & the nerve for having independent opinions & emotions. To the N, you are only & always the problem.

(Posts : “Narc-Speak #1“and “Conversational Narcissism“)

NEXT: Alcoholism overlaps with N

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