IT’S GOOD TO GET MY ANGER OUT – as long as it’s in a SAFE way
PREVIOUS: Myths =F (#2)
🔐 is “all in your head”
True: that anger is first generated in the brain, but….
False: …..in that it’s not just a state of mind or made up. All emotions are primarily physical experiences, felt throughout the whole body. It’s instantly experienced in our muscles long before we’re conscious of how we’re feeling – the hairs on the back of the neck, tightening in shoulders, chest or gut, finger-temperature warming up, + RISING: blood pressure, blood sugar levels, heart rate, respiration rate…..
EXP: “I feel like I have a big fist pressing on my chest when I get that angry / I have trouble swallowing that / I have a knot in my stomach….”
➼ It’s impossible to hide anger from a skilled observer (body stance, tone of voice…), although many people miss the signs in themself
(FIGURE —> Finnish research )
🔐when suppressed, it always causes serious health problems
False: This is not inevitable, particularly if we have some control over whatever situation is causing the anger, but when unresolved it will create problems in most relationships.
INT: the latest research has disproven the theory that suppressed anger results in stomach ulcers. The most common cause is a bacterial infection or drugs that attack the lining of the stomach. (Post: ‘Somatizing anger‘)
True/False: Researchers have also discovered there can sometimes be a correlation between anger & depression, but not always, & not automatically. Sometimes there is just anger, & sometimes there’s just depression (such as when it’s physical / hereditary)
🔐 is the result of human conflict
False: Damaged parents regularly dump their anger on their young ones, even when the children haven’t done anything to ‘deserve / earn’ it.
And, as adults we can just as easily be angry/ cranky/ mean because of internal unhappiness & S-H – as from what others do or don’t do.
ALSO, a leading expert on anger has found that people can get angry by being exposed to foul odors, aches & pains, hot temperatures — none of which involve (or can be blamed on) the actions of others. (MORE….)
True: Continual conflict can easily escalate from —> irritation & frustration to —> rage to —> homicide or war. On a smaller scale, other people can push our buttons, especially the ones we haven’y dealt with (BUTTONS: being accused wrongly, being disappointed or disrespected, ignored, waiting too long….).
Wars are fought over being wronged in some way, which generates anger,
OR greed on a large scale – which is not about anger
🔐 can be relieved or released by yelling, hitting, kicking or punching things (not people)….. & always needs to be dumped
False: Some studies have shown that people who arbitrarily vent their anger in aggressive ways simply get better at being angry.
True: Releasing anger appropriately is called “catharsis”. Along with some form of Cognitive-Behavioral therapy (CBT), physical release of stored anger/rage-energy is necessary for full Recovery, especially – but not exclusively – for people who are Kinesthetically oriented.
Privately / safely letting it out in a safe, private place (pounding. yelling or punching) can release tension, but by itself doesn’t heal the underlying problem (Post: ‘Volcanic anger’)
This can be done in the form of Brain Re-patterning, Trauma Release work, Core Energetics, Psychodrama…. (MORE…… // Anger & exercise)
🔐 is relieved or eliminated by talking it out
False: In her book “Anger:The Misunderstood Emotion”, Carol Tavris states, “Talking out an emotion doesn’t reduce it, it rehearses it. This is true for many who want to stay angry because it prevents them from feeling vulnerable.” This way of dealing with anger is actually resentment – because we’re only thinking about it (T), instead of actually feeling it (E).
True: It’s a way to start the process of becoming aware & owning how much hidden rage we have stored in our unconscious & in the body (muscles, organs, cells….)
NOTE: ACoA FoO therapy will often increase our awareness of the anger we’ve stored from childhood hurt as we come out of denial about how much damage we suffered as kids (thawing frozen emotions). Then crying & body-work is needed for actual release.
NEXT: ACoAs & Humiliation (#1)