PREVIOUS: Double Messages (#9)
QUOTE: Don’t let what you can’t do stop you from doing what you can do.” John Wooden, sports coach & motivational writer
DEF: Confidence comes from a positive & realistic assessment of one’s
abilities, creativity, knowledge, personal judgment, power, talents, & worth.
CONFIDENT people are usually HAPPY PEOPLE
ACoAs: Remember that we were not allowed to be ourselves from the get-go, so we have to work hard at uncovering our True Self, fighting the PP voice which doesn’t want us to find this out.
Contrary to what many of us have been taught, self-confidence is not arrogance, which is an over-evaluation of one’s worth, often displayed in offensive expressions of superiority & false pride
➼ The following are some basic characteristics of mentally healthy people – GOALs which everyone can strive for. No one is confident all the time, so we are NOT looking for perfection in anything – only progress!
• have a clear sense of self – they know who they are, fundamentally – their basic inborn qualities, special abilities & gifts, their hard-earned accumulated knowledge, likes & dislikes, dreams & hopes.
They’re not afraid to admit their flaws & limitations, but don’t dwell on them
• don‘t beat themselves up. Being human is to not be perfect, which they accept, & so aren’t ashamed of being limited or of having shortcoming. When they don’t know something or have a ‘weak’ moment, they identify the issue, try to find a solution, dust themselves off & keep going. There’s never a legitimate reason for self-abuse
• follow their goals and dreams. They’re comfortable owning their talents & desires, knowing those are part of their True Self. They don’t let fear, doubt or other people’s negativity prevent them from going for their plans & visions. They want to have a purposeful life – to fulfill as much of their destiny as possible, & contribute to improving society
• show confidence in how they carry themselves. Unless they’re ill or disabled (which does not diminish them), they have a self-assured walk, stand or sit with head straight, shoulders back, give eye contact when engaged in conversation…. In any case, they’re comfortable in their skin
• pay attention to their health. GIGO (Garbage in, Garbage out) applies to the body as well as the mind, both of which they treat with respect.
As much as their circumstances will allow – they give themselves quality nourishment : healthy food, fresh air, relaxation & activity, regular medical attention, appropriate vitamins & medication…. as needed
• learn from their past without dwelling on it. They’re willing to acknowledge & deal with old trauma, so they can heal. They recognize when old thinking & behavior patterns limit their progress, & are determined to improve whatever they can. They keep moving forward, but accept & learn from the past, knowing wounds are part of their identity
• don’t absorb criticism. Because they regard themselves positively, they don’t feel judged or belittled, even if someone is trying to do that, especially people who know very little or nothing about them. They’re not shaken by others’ opinions, & in many cases don’t even bother defending themselves
• refuse to be victims. Not everyone had a painful or traumatic childhood, but everyone has had difficulties & challenges sometime in their life. The confident person refuses to let stressors get them down for too long – even if they truly were victims as children.
Feeling compassion for oneself in not the same as self-pity, which is more about believing one is powerless & hopeless than feeling sad about experiencing painful events.
— AND they refuse to be victimized – won’t let others abuse or take advantage of them, because they know their own worth, without arrogance
• have strong personal boundaries. They know their needs & rights, so can ask for what they want, or stop others from inappropriately imposing their needs or desires.
They don’t try to please others just for the sake of making others happy, to prevent feeling abandoned. They know when to say Yes or No, but not as a way to be controlling or boost their ego.
NEXT: Being Confident (Part 2)