TRUST ALWAYS STARTS WITH ME –
by honoring my awareness & knowledge
PREVIOUS: Healthy Trusting (Part 2)
QUOTES: “One who does not act in accordance to the deep voice of his inner conscience can not be honest, truthful, trustworthy, loyal & faithful to anyone.” ~ Anuj Somany, Indian Poet & Civil Engineer
“A relationship without Trust is like a car with our fuel – it can not move ahead.”∼ Invaji
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom
DEF: Being consistent in what you say & do – the same at work, at home & everywhere else. You don’t pretend to be someone else – you are accountable, reliable, responsible & resourceful. “Consistency reinforces trust.
We first need to be reliable toward our Inner Children. Then we’ll express that quality with others, which gives ACoAs the sense of empowerment we say we want. With an inner assurance & positive outer experiences, it reduces anxiety in ourself & the people we deal with.
Trustworthiness is based on a combination of our natural Personality, shared Values, Skills, Integrity & Good-will – which applies to all types of relationships.
BEING T. requires that WE:
• have mostly stopped obeying the Bad Parent voice & all it’s Toxic Beliefs
• are not driven by Self-Hate
• no longer have to lie in order to hide ourself (from the ACoA Laundry List )
• be much less afraid of abandonment, so can take reasonable risks
• have burned off enough rage so we don’t have to take it out on others, no matter how subtly
• don’t need to compel anyone to stay with us, to insist others see us, to prove ourselves….
• are able to hear our own ‘still small voice’ & act on it
• know what our rights, skills & talents are, & not afraid to use them
Psychological – BE:
• first & foremost honest with yourself, based on self-esteem
• able to resist temptations to hurt others for your benefit
• fair in all your interactions – treat others as you want to be treated
• respectful of people’s point of view, even when you deeply disagree
• concerned for others as individuals who have their own path in life (not ours). It gives insight into why people do things or are the way they are
• empathetic with others’ difficulties whenever possible, without taking care of or fixing them
• sympathetic with others’ humanity – allow for faults & mistakes
• able to communicate accurately, openly & transparently (not manipulative, needy, passive-aggressive, controlling, sullen or using CDs)
Practical – BE:
• dependable, keep your word, follow thru – within reason. Don’t over-commit, try to impress or promise things you can’t deliver or have no control over
• competent and efficient – not perfect
• consistent and predictable – not controlling or rigid
• able to keep other people’s secrets & personal information to yourself
• faithful & loyal to those who’ve earned your trust
• defend or protect others whenever possible
• able to listen carefully, with an open mind, without losing yourself
• willing to talk about what you personally know or have experienced, rather than spouting facts, exaggerating or being boastful
• defend or protect others whenever possible
• ask others about what they know & how they feel – do not be arrogant, superior, narcissistic
• share control, when appropriate, encouraging co-operation & allowing yourself to be supported
BENEFITS of being Trustworthy
• We feel good about ourselves, have self-respect & can hold our head high in any situation
HINT: A happy Inner Child makes for a happy Adult!
• It represents good character (requires doing the ‘right’ thing even when it’s costly or risky), which allows us to build a good reputation
• We find & enjoy abundance in any area of life, & connect with others in our search for a satisfying existence
• Being authentic makes us stand out & become known for integrity
• It makes people want to be around us
• Others like dealing with us professionally, are pleased to see us socially & generally feel comfortable around us
• It makes it easier to get others to cooperate on projects & events
• It contributes to making our community & the world a better place
NEXT: ACoAs Rebuilding Trust – #1
2 thoughts on “Being TRUSTWORTHY”
I grapple with trust. I’m all creamy cute frosting on the outside and tempered metal on the inside, lol.
I love the way you present all sides of a topic like trust, how to recognize it, healthy expectations, and where our responsibility lies. Bringing it full circle helps me, not to mention it feels proactive, I dislike being a powerless victim 🙂
Your posts are swimming along nicely with my own process. My hubby and I are good but even there I do think I’m getting better at seeing things for what they are and avoiding some frustrations that seem to have been part of my life. I am purging some friends (pardon the term), it is difficult and a bit lonely but looking ahead in my life, what I want in life, I think I’m on the right track.
Love your work!
YEAH for you!
Personally, I like being thought of as fire & ice. But I’m the reverse – ‘hard’ on the outside, soft on the inside! – tho’ not hard (angry, defensive) and not squishy (scared, wounded) on the inside, like before Recovery