Emotional MATURITY – Emotional

maturity 3
beyond my early training!

PREVIOUS: Emotional Maturity (#1)

SITE: Self-Soothing Hand positions Exercises (helps with PTSD)

See ACRONYM Page for abbrev.

QUOTE: “We grow sometimes in one dimension & not in another, unevenly….. mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present & future mingle, pulling us backward, forward, or fixing us in the present. We’re made up of layers, cells, constellations.” Anais Nin

Def: Emotional Maturity (EM) is expressed in ways that appropriately fit our chronological age – with increased adjustment, stability & self-regulation.  Psychological Wiki
1. know what personal goals to work toward
2. acknowledge healthy qualities we’re already developing, based on personal growth, to appreciate our Recovery progress
3. know what to look for in others* – lovers, mates, friends, family (adults), bosses…..

✶ ACoAs will say they wouldn’t know a healthy person if they fell over them.
WELL – here are some guidelines – for YOURself & about others! Keep a copy on your phone, desktop & bathroom mirror
PS: As emotional wounds heal & distorted beliefs are corrected, we can claim these EM characteristics, & see many areas of our life gradually improve

• accept yourself unconditionally, even for the things that are incomplete, unattractive or need improving
• accept & tolerate anxiety & other uncomfortable Es
• accept & face guilt, especially when breaking family rules
• accept that some stress is part of life, rather than trying to hide, without creating drama.  Can meet emergencies with poise
• admit & are able to work through Es (fear, anger, pain…) from traumatic events in your life (divorce, major illness, death, disasters….) rather than pretending nothing’s wrong
• are comfortable expressing Es in a healthy way, from the Adult ego state
• are in touch with a full range of Es & not afraid to find out what they are at any given moment, but not overwhelmed or driven by them
• aren’t afraid to feel sadness & cry, as well as explore the reasons for it
self-pity• aren’t overly ‘sensitive’, can have E, but not so easily hurt
• can handle disappointment, so are a good loser, deal with defeat without whining or blame
• don’t have to “show off” in socially unacceptable ways to feel important
• don’t need approval from others to feel good about yourself
• don’t need to constantly find fault, but also aren’t idealistic & unrealistic (in denial) about things that are genuinely harmful
• don’t worry about or try to fix things that are beyond your control
• have a reasonable amount of patience at reasonable delays, & have self-control in adversity. Accept you sometimes have to adjust to other people’s convenience, needs or limitations
• have Es in perspective, from a balanced internal place rather than B & W extremes (“If it’s hysterical it’s historical”)
• have mostly outgrown envy & jealousy, being honestly glad when others have success or good fortune
• know how to manage & cope with old or new pain
forgive• let yourself be vulnerable without shame or terror, & can let others see your unsuccessful / soft side, but only when appropriate & with safe people
• recognize anger or rage & express them appropriately, in a way that leads to your growth
• don’t indulge in self-pity (“woe is me”), understanding the law of compensation* operates in all of life.
IMP: Having compassion for ourselves & our misfortunes, which are not of our making, is not the same as self-pity, which only blames others for our pain without taking any responsibility for having to heal our wounds

*Compensation: All life is about trade-offs – good for bad, & bad for good. It’s an amend or reward for loss or deprivation. anything that makes up for the lack or limitation of something else
“As there is no worldly gain without some loss, so there is no worldly loss without some gain:
• If thou hast lost thy wealth, thou hast lost some trouble with it
• If thou art degraded from thy honor, thou art likewise freed from the stroke of envy
• If sickness hast blurred thy beauty, it hath delivered thee from pride
• Set the allowance against the loss and thou shalt find no loss great.”
English Metaphysical poet Francis Quarles (1592 ~ 1644)

NEXT: Emotional Maturity – Relational, Spiritual

2 thoughts on “Emotional MATURITY – Emotional

  1. certainly like your website but you have to check the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very troublesome to tell the truth nevertheless I’ll certainly come back again.


    • Shelia, Thank you for your patience in spite of my imperfections. Isn’t ‘rife’ a bit overstated? I always use spell check & go over every post 5 – 10 times – but still miss some things. You’re welcome to send me a private note any time it gets to be too much. (See ‘About me’ for that)


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