Emotional MATURITY – Relational, Spiritual


I CAN SEE THINGS CLEARLY
making all my relationships easier

Previous: Emotional Maturity – Cognitive, Practical

REMINDER: See ACRONYM Page for abbrev.

 

 

RELATIONSHIPS
a. Re. YOU
• you can relate well with others, connecting in a cooperative & positively, while knowing you don’t fit with everyone
• genuinely care about others & express that in all you do
• accept responsibility for who you pick to be with. & how you act with them, adding to your self-respect
• can to take in genuine love & respect, in big or small ways, without ‘paying’ for it
YOU:
• are comfortable being intimate with appropriate people, being approachable & easyworld friends
• are playful, creative & express your silly, zany side
• form deep relationships with people from other backgrounds, races, cultures, & classes
YOU:
• have sufficient & the right kind of boundaries, by knowing your values, needs & tastes, and when to be a realistic help to someone, vs. when to let go so they can handle their own life
• thoughtfully evaluate friends & social contacts. Avoid people & situations that push your buttons, but look for opportunities to bring the best out in yourself
YOU:
• don’t expect special consideration from anyone, but are comfortable being appreciated, thanked & valued
avoid insulters• can accept your current limitations, & get help as needed
• evaluate legitimate criticism, accepting it gratefully, glad for an opportunity to learn & improve
don’t get easily offended, don’t bite when baited, but also let others know what’s acceptable or not
• can regularly say ‘“No” to harmful requests, or that will over-extend you

b. Re. OTHERS – YOU:
• understand & accept others as they really are, not what you want them to be
• are friendly & share resources, cooperative with peers & teams, where appropriate
• offer information & make decisions clearly, with respect
YOU:
• are good listeners, without judging, trying to fix or push your own way of doing things
• look for the good in others rather than use a critical eye, be compassionate
• can to nurture others without rescuing or controlling
empathize with others’ experience & Es, imagining what it’s like to be in their shoes
YOU:
getting along• aren’t easily fooled by or idealize people or situations that are unhealthy, abusive or just not right for you
• forgive others for hurting you, & yourself for any wrongs you’ve done, making amends when possible without shame or self-hate
• don’t judge others you don’t understand or are very different. Try to learn, connect & be a peacemaker when possible
YOU:
• can work inter-dependently with others when required, without having to be the center of attention or dominating others
• cooperate in order to find win-win solutions to conflicts. If an answer isn’t good for each party involved, it won’t be conflict resolutiongood for the relationship
resolve conflict in a clear, direct & respectful way
(NO avoidance or put downs, escalating tensions, or going to a third-party rather than to the person directly)
• can ‘confront’ someone when they’ve disappointed or hurt you, using the “I’ form, without attack or blame

5. SPIRITUAL
GENERAL – YOU have:
• found a meaning in life that gives a connection to all humanity, not just self-interest
• humility (“I have value but not better than”), rather than feel humiliated
• outgrown the “all or nothing” stage, appreciating the Golden Mean (desirable middle between two extremes, from Aristotle, Confucius…).  Recognize that most people or situations are a combination of good & bad
• some insight & wisdom to see the beauty & value in all of life, in spite of the negatives
• inner abundance so can be generous & unselfish, which is satisfying
YOU spiritual connections:
• an organic part of a larger whole, contributing your part to each group you’re a member of
• take care of yourself because you’re precious
• are filled with joy & a sense of humor, rather than being wounded because of what others say or do
• know life is full of uncertainties, but aren’t brought down
• live by the motto “Don’t quit before the miracle”, so don’t use endless escapes (chemicals, sex, money, food, suicide….)

SPECIFIC  – YOU:
• have faith in a Power greater than yourself, & keep that connection current
• believe in a caring God who is always available, knowing that the Supreme Being is not an alcoholic parent!
• enjoy being alone in quiet reflection with God & yourself (the personal version of daily prayer & meditation)spirit-human connect
• pray for guidance & healing, to be given grace & peace, instead of trying to ‘go it alone’
YOU:
• have a definite set of personal & spiritual principles to live by
• obey the spiritual essence of the Golden Rule:  “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”, while making sure you don’t harm yourself
• thank God for all past life experiences, understanding how He has used them to uniquely shape you
• acknowledge & appreciating all the opportunities & help God has already provided, which has supported you in surviving or outgrowing your difficulties

NEXT: What is Character #1

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