or I’ll never get what I need or want

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REVIEW post:Weak decision Styles


CDs – regarding Personal Problems

a. SELF-SERVING: EXternalized dysfunctional behavior, to protect a fragile sense of self from greater harm:
• Assuming the worst, Labeling, Minimizing, Self-centeredness
USED to cover insecurities like a shabby bandage, keeping us dishonest with ourselves & separated from others

b. SELF-DEBASING INternalized expressions of self-hate:
• Catastrophizing, Disqualifying the positive, Personalizing, Over-generalization, Selective Abstraction, Shoulds ….
USED to keep us powerless & hopeless, intensifying our wounds

1.- Thinking & CDs (Part 1)

2. (E) EMOTIONS : The more CDs we absorbed & developed n childhood, & now – the longer we ‘use’ them as the basis for living, the more they increase anxiety, deepen depression, disappointment, rage…. causing relationship difficulties & potentially – auto-immune diseases.

Depression being a common ACoA state – we can identify one of several causes by carefully focusing on the connections between external events & our inner responses.
The sequence is made up of :
a. Activating event (objective Situation) that’s scary making a cold-call, asking for help, mulling over a problem, visiting family
b. Logic Errors (CDs) : Assuming the Worst, Fortune-Telling, Disqualifying the Positive,  Mind-Reading….”
c. Automatic Thoughts = Limiting Beliefs : “They’re too busy to talk to me” , “I should’t need help” , “He won’t want to listen to me”, “They always ….. ”
d. Consequencespainful emotions & the harmful actions or non-actions that follow

• they can prevent us from letting go of past hurts
• contribute to a false sense of reality, of paranoia, illusions
spiritual weakness• directly contribute to thoughts of suicide – or actual attempts
• increase frustration, depression, S-H, anxiety, irritability & helpless rage
• maintain the feeling of being a victim or scapegoat
• make it easier to feel unattractive, so not want to do regular self-care
• may distort or prevent the enjoyment of sexual activities
• reinforce our childhood abandonment, hurt & disappointment
• prevent us from seeing the bright side of life, making things less fun

➼ Put-downs from others can erode our sense of self-worth, especially when coming from our own family. Children definitely believe negative assessments of themselves given by teachers & parents, developing a damaged self-concept when criticized on a regular basis.

▶ Researchers estimate that the ratio of +positive to -negative comments needs to be at least 5+ to 1- for any relationship to be healthy and survive long-term.
THIS applies to how we talk to ourselves as well!

3. (A) ACTIONS: Another extreme —> Using CDs as a model for how to function is part of Cognitive DEFICITS. all of which prevent us from successfully handling many of life’s situations. We rely on & maintain CDs TO:
• deny responsibility for our actions & ignore the harmful results
• avoid facing painful emotions, or having to change ourself
– even though acting on them ensures that we stay deprived.

IMAGE = Stress effects —->

As negativity drains our energy, the body’s defenses are lowered. (See: psycho-neuro-immunology)
• they contribute to eating disorders, from extremes of over-eating to a complete lack of appetite

• cause hyper-ventilation, faster & shallower breathing, lessening oxygen delivery with less nutrients getting to the whole system
• disrupt sleep, causing constant exhaustion, since many of us obsessively worry right before dropping off
• lead to excessive sweating, which removes blood flow to hands, making them cold & clammy
• contribute to the cause of some illnesses (along with diet, environment, genetics…), like auto-immune diseases, colitisCD illness, ulcers…. & shorten life by damaging the immune system.

• decrease activity in the brain’s temporal lobes, slowing down our ability to think & process info, & the cerebellum, causing poor memory, moodiness, depression

• increase & flatten heart rate, so that it has to work harder, less efficiently & over time can lead to heart disease
• increase muscle tension, leading to head, back aches & overall body pain
• make the body react chemically from fear, overworking the adrenal glands, which eventually get worn out


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