or I’ll never get what I need or want

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CDs – dealing with personal problems
a. SELF-SERVING: EXternalized dysfunctional behavior, to protect a fragile sense of self from greater harm:
• Self-centeredness / Blame / Minimizing / Labeling / Assuming the worst
USED to cover insecurities like a shabby bandage, keeping us dishonest with ourselves & separated from others

b. SELF-DEBASING INternalized expressions of self-hate:
• Catastrophizing / Over-generalization /Personalizing / Selective Abstraction / Shoulds / Disqualifying the positive….
USED to keep us powerless & hopeless by intensify our wounds

CDs are like termites, damaging the whole system. Conscious (overt) self-abusing thoughts & talk reinforce themselves, creating a feedback loop of self-harm.
Studies show how CDs impact a wide variety of–
SOCIAL problems: child molestation (religious & non-church pedophiles), juvenile delinquents, chronic substance abusers…. andtemite CDs

PERSONAL issues: depression & worry, OCD, Bi-polar illness, difficulties with relationships, college success, job searches, physical health problems… partially caused by anxiety & prolonged stress

✶ CDs are visible signs of deeper, unconscious damage, needing to be addressed. The mantra used by the Behavior Modification school of psychology “Change your thinking, & all will be well” is not the whole story & does a great disservice to many suffering people. If we change our surface thinking but not the underlying wounds, not much is improved, & not permanently.
• Even so, there is no doubt that identifying & replacing (not changing) CDs does have a positive effect on well-being!

• just like perfectionism – they make us vulnerable to spiritually abusive situations
• attract situations that make us believe something’s perpetually wrong with us & the world, SO we stay stuck in our damage

• suck out our faith & confidence in life, making it hard to be hopeful about anything
• close us down to possibilities & the flow of abundance, preventing us from attracting ‘people, places & things’ (PPT) that would help us grow

• mutilate, cripple & corrode the human spirit, & provide the rationale for maintaining addictions
• obscure / limit our vision to go after dreams, leaving us apathetic, cynical & confrontational

• reinforce our childhood abandonment, hurt & disappointment
• make it easier to feel unattractive, so not want to do regular self-care
• can prevent us from letting go of past hurts
• maintain the feeling of being a victim / scapegoat
• contribuspiritual weaknesste to a false sense of reality, paranoia, illusions
• directly contribute to thoughts (& attempts) of suicide

• increase frustration, depression, S-H, anxiety, irritability & helpless rage
• will distort or prevent the enjoyment of sexual activities
• prevent us from seeing the bright side of life, making thing less fun

➼ Put-downs from others can erode our sense of self-worth, especially when coming from our own family. Children definitely believe negative assessments of themselves given by teachers & parents, developing a damaged self-concept when criticized on a regular basis.

▶Researchers estimate that the ratio of positive-to-negative comments needs to be at least 5-to-1 for any relationship to be healthy and survive long-term.
THIS applies to how we talk to ourselves, as well!

3. PHYSICALLY – CDs can:
• disrupt sleep, causing constant exhaustion, since many of us obsessively worry right before dropping off
• cause hyperventilation, faster & shallower breathing, lessening oxygen delivery with less nutrients getting to the whole system
• lead to excessive sweating, which removes blood flow to hands, making them cold & clammy
• contribute to eating disorders, from extremes of over-eating to a complete lack of appetite
• decrease activity in the brain’s temporal lobes, slowing down our ability to think & process info, & the cerebellum, causing moodiness, depression & poor memory
• contribute to the cause of some illnesses (along with diet, environment, genetics…), like auto-immune diseases, colitisCD illness, ulcers…. & can shorten life by damaging the immune system. As negativity subtracts from our energy, the body lowers its defenses. (See: psycho-neuro-immunology)

• increase & flatten heart rate, causing it to work harder, less efficiently & over time can lead to heart disease
• increase muscle tension, leading to head, back aches & overall body pain
• make the body react chemically with fear, overworking the adrenal glands, which eventually get worn out

NEXT: Boundaries Defined (Part 1)

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