THE BETTER MY SELF-ESTEEM
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PREVIOUS: Character: HUMANITY (#1)

See ACRONYM Page for abbrev.

💚 INTEGRITY (giving our very best)
It’s uprightness of character – decency, honesty, soundness, & being internally complete or undivided (the True Self).
Expressed as – being loyal, faithful, dependable, & dedicated.
Conducting ourself responsibly – to the rules & laws of our community & spiritual beliefs. EXP : Consistent Honesty eliminates guilt & shame, while increasing self-confidence & sense of inner peace.
EXP:
• able to admit to making a mistake  • be dependable & trustworthy
• be fair in our dealing with others & not be manipulative
• be willing to tell the truth even if it costs us money, friends, even our reputation
• don’t exaggerate to make ourself or things seem bigger or better than we are
•  do the ‘right’ thing all the time, even when no one is watching

💚 JUSTICE (rectitude, fairness, uprightness).
Taking personal responsibility to uphold what is pure, right & true.
 Conforming to the principles of human or divine law, strict performance of moral obligations, integrity in dealing with people, correctly representing facts about their value or demerit
EXP:
• always remain open to reason  • keep our own conscience clean  • never prejudice others  • render to everyone their due or right • have respect for the authority of law   • speak out for what is pure, right & true

💚 LOVE (well-wishing, kindness, self-sacrifice).
The emotion of strong affection & attachment. An unselfish loyal & benevolent concern for the good of another. Can be passionate desire, closeness & intimacy, platonic or devotional
EXP:
•  feel a deep appreciation for everyone we meet because each is unique & special • put a special someone’s needs before our own • see people for who they really are, & still care deeply

💚 LOYALTY (unswerving allegiance)
Show commitment to those we serve or care about, especially during hard times. Hold to our vows, allegiance or obligations towards any person or group.
It’s being supportive, consistent & faithful to a custom, cause, duty, legitimate (healthy) person or ideal that we believe in
It does NOT demand our silence or paralysis when somebody or something is in the wrong, is unfair, unjust….
EXP:
• be of service to family & community  • encourage others in hard times  • don’t mock authorities • point out the good in others

💚 SERVICE (massing on what we receive)
Giving up some personal rights & expectations – temporarily or for the long term – from a desire to serve. Not just providing goods & services as payment, or performing one’s duties.
It’s also helping others to get what they want – actions that don’t involve a return, compensation, or consideration to oneself. Unsolicited help or benefit to someone in need, or doing someone a favor. Also, active devotion to God, through good works & prayer.
EXP:
• be humble, but not humiliated!    • be slow to react • be willing to go last, sometimes   •  don’t be boastful  • don’t grumble or complain   •  honor one’s country   • look for ways to help others without being asked

💚 TOLERANCE (towards self & others)
Accept ourself & others just as we /they are, rather than how we’d like ourself /them to be. Appreciate diversity – willing to recognize & respect the beliefs or practices of others. Allow others the right to their own opinions & peculiarities, & to be happy in their own way – if it doesn’t hurt others.
Realize that everyone is at a different stage of their character development, & accept that they express their unique character qualities in varying degrees of maturity. Overlook minor irritants in others. When annoyed, ask ourself “How important is it?”
EXP:
• accept the parts of ourself & other people that are UNchangeable  • don’t confuse what’s popular with what’s right  •  expect the same of ourself as we expect of others or vice-versa   • listen carefully with an open mind, before forming an opinion   • look for ways to help others to grow & mature.

NEXT: Principles of C. Outline

PREVIOUS: Character – Knowledge #1

QUOTE : “Learning is not attained by chance. It must be sought with ardor and attended with diligence” ∼ Abigail Adams.

◎ CREATIVITY
◎ CURIOSITY
◎ DISCERNMENT

◉ LOVE of LEARNING
It’s the main basis for achieving goals which are important to us : we need to be internally motivated, persist in spite of challenges & have a growth mindset. Love of Learning is related to Curiosity, but goes beyond it – as the desire to systematically add to what we know, & taking joy in the intrinsic value of the process. It includes the effort to master new skills, topics & bodies of knowledge, whether on ones own or formally.

It’s wanting to make sense of things, finding out how things work, gaining competence & control over self & the environment. It’s being open, perceptive & experimental.
EXP: • being excited by new ways of understanding • not afraid to admit ignorance  • open to all types of information  • wanting to know how the world works  • willing to go the extra mile to gather all the facts possible

◉ OPEN-MINDEDNESS
It’s being able to listen attentively to other points of view in order to understand & respect them – without necessarily agreeing.  It includes the ability to hold 2 contradictory thoughts at the same time (ambiguity), while others are taking sides. When presented with a new or radical idea, consider it a possibility instead of looking for points to disagree with or immediately rejecting it.
When appropriate, embrace ideas that can help self-growth & raise self-esteem, which decreases the need to always be right, & also helps to neutralize the inappropriate desire for power. By welcoming the ideas of others (listening without necessarily agreeing), we increase their confidence.
EXP:
• accept the goodwill of others (not being cynical)  • be able to see all sides of an issue  • listen without pre-judgement  • willing to follow where true evidence leads

◉ PERSPECTIVE
The ability to understand how things are inter-related or can be compared – how parts of a topic or situation relate to each other & to the whole. Seeing things from different points of view or re-framing a problem, with or without effort.  It helps to judge distances (like what it takes to move from despair to hope), which also makes it possible to mentally hold comparisons that help manage emotional responses, allowing for  optimism.

It’s best to NOT view a situation or a person using the lens of our past. Proper perspective provides an understanding of what’s happening in the moment, seeing clearly the answer in any situation & the correct next step toward our vision of success. ( re. elephant Parable)
EXP:
• bring our attention completely into the moment  • don’t get caught up in details (forest vs trees) • keep the important things in mind  • step back from a difficult situation to see the bigger picture  • step back and remove oneself from a problem  • take the long view

◉ RESOURCEFULNESS
The ability to quickly, often cleverly, find ways to overcome difficulties & problems, to make things happen when the chips are down & the situation looks bleak.  A unique use of available resources to achieve our goals – people, info, time, money, physical environment – to their fullest potential
Acknowledge but never focus on limitations or obstacles. Live in the now, with an eye on the future.  Resourcefulness is different from Creativity : it’s needed when one is already facing a difficult situation that must be resolved – now – while Creativity allows for time to ponder, dream & process.
While we cannot always be able to anticipate every situation, the more we’re prepare ahead of time for the issues we are familiar with, the more resources we’ll have to draw on when faced with a problem.
EXP:
• be able to out-think an opponent   • find practical uses for things others would overlook or discard   • make wise use of our energy, mind, talents & time   • see value in a wide variety of objects, ideas, & people

NEXT: Character – Social IQ

PREVIOUS: What is CHARACTER ? (#1)

SITE: Personality Types (scroll down)

CHARACTER (cont)
a. Personality  – can be defined as a dynamic & organized set of characteristics that —> motivate us, & uniquely influence the way we think, feel & act in various circumstances.
The word “personality” originates from the Latin ‘persona’, which means mask.  Allport believed that personality develops as a function of learning to adapt to social situations, using our fundamental qualities, while trying to achieve our needs.  Interesting list:
“16 Personality Factors” ∼ psychologist Raymond Cattell.

b. Traits – In Science: Physical characteristics as an expression of a gene or many genes, such as height, eye color, the ability to roll your tongue….
In Psychology: a consistent, long-lasting tendency in behavior, as the distinguishing qualities of your personal nature, such as hostility, boldness, faith….
They are aspects of personality, background, or physique that make us better at some activities & worse at others.

TRAIT THEORY: In 1936, psychologist Gordon Allport (one of the first to focus on the study of  Personality) identified almost 18,000 words in various dictionaries that described differing personality traits, 4,000 of them in just one.

Common Traits – abstract ones used to measure one’s personality or some portion of it
Individual Traits – later renamed “dispositions”- unique characteristics which give us insight into how a person is organized – the “morphogenic study of the individual”.    (MORE…)

Allport noted that what people do is a great clue to their personality traits. If people like to run, hike, & ride bikes we can infer they are ‘Athletic’.  He grouped traits into three levels:

✤ CARDINAL :  A single characteristic that has one general focus motivating a person & guiding most of their activities. It dominates their life as their ruling passions/obsessions, such as a need for money, fame, security…. Someone can be so power-hungry that they are solely driven by that need for control.

• Some people are known specifically for such traits, so that their names become synonymous with the quality. Consider some that made these ‘names’ become household words, by their descriptive term: Christ-like, Freudian, Machiavellian, narcissistic, Don Juan(ish)…. Cardinal traits are rare (not present in all of us) & tend to show up later in life

✤ CENTRAL: these are the 5 to 10 pervasive traits found to some degree in everyone – which govern people’s day to day interactions. They’re the basic building blocks of personality that shape most of our behavior, but not as strongly as the Cardinals. They are the obvious characteristics most often used to describe someone, such as: “Sammy is intelligent, honest, shy & anxious….” (LIST of Traits)
    
✤ SECONDARY: the traits that reflect more “situational or opportunistic expressions”. They aren’t as incorporated into one’s personality as the others, the particular likes or dislikes that only a very close friend would know about. They’re attitudes or preferences that only tend to show up under specific circumstances, & must be included to provide a complete picture of human complexity. EXP:
• getting anxious when in a group, being impatient while waiting in line
• a preference for ice cream or chocolate, dislike of modern art or jazz

Traits (CT) are expressed in degrees
People express their strengths in different ways & in different amounts, depending on the event or setting. 
Social Psychology tells us that the details of the specific situation influences actual behavior. We may normally be very Responsible, but not always, like being late for an unpleasant meeting, or being flaky because of who we’re with, how much money we have at the moment, how upset or ill we are….

The degree to which a trait is expressed can also depend on the people we interact with. We may BE :
• Restrained when being with a shy person or unsafe authority figure
• Expressive with good friends or children
• Diligent at work, but Carefree on vacation
DRAW on our
• Love & Kindness when with family
• Self-regulation & Prudence when eating
• Social intelligence & Curiosity with casual friends or acquaintances
• Teamwork & Perseverance at work….

NEXT: PRINCIPLES of CHARACTER