Month: February 2018

Myers-Briggs INTRO (Part 1a)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Personal Growth, Psychotherapy, recovery

I‘VE ALWAYS WONDERED why I do things!

PREVIOUS: Psychological Disorders #6

SITEs: M-B: Does it pay to know your type? (includes some MBTI history)
• The Dynamic Basis for Type 

ORIGIN: MBTI is a personality inventory used by psychologists, as well as a tool for self-discovery, made up of 4 dichotomies (8 opposing functions). In yr. 2000, an estimated two million people took the test, making it the most frequently used inventory available. First introduced in 1942, it was the work of mother & daughter Katharine C. Myers Briggs and Isabel Briggs.

It’s based on Carl Jung’s theory of types, outlined in his 1921 work Psychological Types, which said that human behavior follows from an inborn Extroverted (E) or Introverted (I) way of being energized & of interacting with the world. This became the 1st level. (MBTI History….)

*** Jung also identified 2 basic functions of Consciousness
💚 Perceiving: Making decisions – either by Thinking or Feeling (T/F).

👁 Judging: Absorbing info – either by Sensing or Intuition (S/N)

S-N & T-F became levels 2 & 3, which are the core of typing. (MORE….)

Is was Isobel Myers who later listed Judging & Perceiving as separate components, giving us the 4th level. Each preferred function is expressed consciously (T over F, E over I….), while its less desired opposite shows up as behaviors driven by repressed, unconscious parts of our personality (as character defects?) (MORE… )

TOO SIMPLE? At first glance, only looking at the 4 opposite categories (which are on a broad continuum), the MBTI may seem simplistic. BUT – there are many nuances derived from various sets of connections, yielding a valuable range of deeper & more detailed personality insights.

• PREFERENCES: Our ‘mental process’ comes from using MBTI’s 2 middle levels (S-N, T-F), to identify each type’s preferences, from most to least, which form Stacks. The strongest one has the most powerful influence on our personality growth. If allowed to develop naturally, we come to trust this favored style, the Dominant (ENFJ = Extroverted Feeling), & our second most preferred one becomes the Auxiliary (ENFJ = Introverted Thinking).  (More in future posts)

Type falsification: However, too often family, school & culture won’t let us develop on a natural path. EXP: A child who easily prefers the T function will try to make logical, objective decisions, but is made to feel guilty by an F-oriented family for not focusing enough on group harmony & other Feeler values.

So this child grows up devaluing their preferred dominant &/or auxiliary functions, having been pushed to develop other less-natural ones instead. Gradually they’ll ignore & then suppress the ability to trust their inborn decision-making process (T), or not notice & use important T info that could give them throughout life.

This CHART shows how Jung’s Psyche components generate the 4 functions – from a fascinating article of a Jungian analysis of Shakespeare’s ‘Macbeth’, which includes the False Self, a lack of S & I, the Shadow…..

JUNGIAN definitions
🔇 Introversion – A focus of the ego /conscious Self on ones internal world, which includes the collective unconscious & its archetypes. An orientation to life via “subjective psychic content”.

NOT isolators, not intrinsically shy or withdrawn, Is are however more comfortable living within the ‘limits’ of their inner world of thoughts, feelings, fantasies & dreams. They don’t like crowds, noise & hub-hub, but can be very talkative & sociable on a one-to-one basis.

📣 Extraversion – A concentration of interest in external objects – whereby the ego/overall personality is mainly concerned with gaining enjoyment & satisfaction from what is outside the Self. Es greatly enjoy human interactions – being assertive, enthusiastic, gregarious & talkative.

NOT : automatically socially adept, easy with everyone or know what to say in very situation. Wounded extroverts are likely to sit on the sidelines & wait to be approached, or hide behind work, activities & authority roles.

🌓 🌗 AMBIVERT – for those of us who straddle the Type fence of choices .  Also see: “The Ambivert advantage”

👂🏾 If you want to know what an Extrovert is thinking, just listen.
👄 If you want to know what an Introvert is thinking, you have to ask them.
Read EXPLANATIONS ⬆

NEXT: M-B Intro #1b

Mental Health DON’Ts – Emotional (Part 1c)

dmtorbi ACoAs

PREVIOUS: Mental health don’ts 1b

SITEs: 15 Things Mature Women Don’t Do In Relationships

•13 things Mature Men Don’t do


EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY People (EHP)

🔸EHP Don’t Isolate themselves
Many ACoAs cut themselves off from emotional, social, even sexual contact with others – sometimes for decades – because of untreated Laundry List characteristics, mainly weak boundaries (Bs), self-hate (S-H) & fear of abandonment (FoA).
We often confuse damage-isolation with needed down-time, or isolation with Introversion. Healthy Introverts don’t need as much stimulation (lots of people & activities), & can be as social & talkative as Extroverts, just not as much.

world kidsEHP know that periodically being alone is required to process difficult experiences or old emotions, a temporary but important part of personal growth.
They also know that cutting themselves off from emotionally safe & intellectually stimulating PPT (people/ places/ things) for extended periods is a form of ‘starvation’
Even when they don’t have the ideal family or an intimate relationship, EHP regularly make an effort to develop healthy & loving connections with others, perhaps even forming an extended family, making time to create warm & interesting memories.

🔸EHP Don’t Let their Emotions Control them
ACoAs learn, directly & indirectly, to deny & ignore any emotion the family / school / religion disapproves of. In some families it’s anger, in others it’s sadness & the need to be comforted….. This left us with the Toxic Rule “Don’t feel”. Our individual personalities cope with this injunction by either –
— suppressing most or all emotion & living in our head (obsessing), OR
— consumed by accumulated pain to the point of over-reacting to anything upsetting (even the minor ones), being too scared or too angry. That tells us then that – “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical”.
Both extremes come from our WIC, not knowing any other way of dealing with this Toxic Rule. Instead, to be an Emotionally Healthy Person (EHP) the UNIT must be in chargeE. Intelligence

EHP can tolerate discomfort because they hold less old pain & because they comfort themself when distressed. They can identify & accept all emotions, know how to process them & choose how to act, so they’re not controlled by them.

What they think about a situation has a tremendous power to either help or harm. Since emotions are largely generated by our mind (see post T.E.A. & Anxiety). EHP can modify how they respond to their emotions by correction any CDs (cognitive distortions) they may have. Overcoming challenges starts with seeing things objectively, rather than reacting from childhood damage. (ACoA Laundry List)

🔸EHP Don’t Get their Emotions Hijacked
People with high EQ don’t allow the people around them to dictate their emotions. They understand they can’t control the emotions of others, only be responsible for their own, which they stay aware of. They can tell the difference between their own & that of the people they’re dealing with, eliminating confusion. 

🔸EHP Don’t Live in the Past
ACoAs who are still ruled by the WIC & the PP think, feel & act as if they are still 5, 10 & 15 yrs old – still living in their dysfunctional family. Most of the time our responses to present day events – positive, negative or neutral – are the same as when we were kids, because we project our family on to all current relationships.

As unhealed adults, ACoAs repeat the life-patterns set out for us by our family & other sources, which caused us to take many wrong turns – in the form of repeated painful relationships, self-harm, deprivations….. While our history contributes to out over-all makeup, we are NOT our damage.

EHP avoid wasting mental energy on past disappointments, real ‘wins’ OR in fantasies of the ‘good old days’. They’ve carefully evaluated both the distresses & the valuable experiences of earlier years, so now they can invest most of their energy in creating the best possible present & future. They tend to have a mindful, attentive way of engaging with the world. Being ‘present’ allows them to see things as they really are.

NEXT: Myers Briggs INTRO, #1a

Mental Health DON’Ts – Emotional (Part 1b)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , ,

Screen Shot 2016-07-03 at 1.37.13 AM
MENTAL HEALTH
is easy – and fun!



PREVIOUS: EHP – Part 1a


SITE: Physiology and Biology of Mental Toughness

 

REMINDER: To be Mentally/ Emotionally well we need to develop the Healthy Adult & Loving Parent (UNIT). What the “Don’ts” represent are characteristics of our damage, run by our WIC (Damaged Child) & PP  (Introject) – but can be corrected.
Understanding the specifics of our childhood traumas helps to accept the reality that we can’t ‘Just do it’ or ‘Just let go’. All of Recovery is a process – for everyone.
ALSO, each of us will have our own specific issues that are definitely more deeply ingrained than others & will therefore take longer to heal. Some will never go away, but can be greatly diminished, & we can learn to manage them whenever they do surface.

EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY People (EHP):
🔸EHP Don’t thrive on chaos
Successful people simplify life. They know that having as much order as possible in all parts of their life allows then to accomplish their goals, & not have to waste time looking for things or dealing with emotional drama.happy/sad

🔸EHP Don’t try to be happy all the time
One of the coping mechanisms for ACoA is the try to be ‘UP’ or ‘positive’ all the time. This usually applies to the Hero (Toxic Role) or the “Good girl/boy” false persona. This is as unrealistic as being miserable all the time. It’s just another way to deny having a wide range of emotions. For every ACoA, no matter our style, our underlying emotion is fear/terror. So we try to feel safe before we can truly be happy.

No one is happy all the time. Feeling peaceful & content – a day at a time – does not mean having no complaints, dislikes or distress. EHP don’t try to avoid painful emotions but incorporate them in an effort to be whole, to honor their True Self. They know that happiness, victory & fulfillment are a wonderful, valuable part of life, but not the whole story.

EHP learn from their ‘mistakes’ & correct distorted thinking, so avoid repeating harmful patterns. This may include making amends to others (AA’s 8th & 9th Steps) & forgiving themselves for ignorant or stubborn adherence to their Toxic Rules, so they no longer have to obsess about what happened in the past.
EHP know this takes time & need patience & perseverance to always be moving forward, no matter how slowly. One 12-Step slogan says: “Look back but don’t starelive in the present”.
Some benefits from thinking about the past can be: identifying the lessons, considering facts not just emotions, & looking at PPT from a new perspective.

🔸EHP Don’t violate / sacrifice personal values
Each of us have more than one value system – what we were taught by our family, by our religion, our early social environment, AND what we develop in ourselves from our Core Truth. Some of these may overlap, some may not. The problem for ACoAs is that we are either not allowed to find out what we truly believe, or more often have been so brainwashed by our toxic upbringing that we’re not allowed to live according to our personal beliefs even if we know what they are. (Core Values lists)

EHP have figured out what they consider important – even essential – to their identity, for themselves & in relation to the rest of the world. A value is a belief, a mission, or a philosophy that is meaningful but not always conscious – as many are taken for granted. They know that their personal Core Values are not automatically the same as that of other people or institutions, & they don’t try to impose them on others.

They do NOT value the impossible, like perfectionism, eternal human love, fairness…. They know everyone falls short sometimes, so they get back on the horse when they don’t live up to their ideals, & are also patient & forgiving to others when they also fall short.

NEXT: MENTAL health Don’ts, 1c

Mental Health DON’Ts – Emotional (Part 1a)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

live wellLIVING WELL
is the best revenge!

PREVIOUS: Psych Disorders #6

SITE: 10 Things (physically) Healthy People do differently

SOURCE: Composite of many lists, including Amy Morin’s “13 things Mentally Strong people Don’t Do.” – about being in charge of our thoughts, emotions & actions (T.E.A.)


EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY People (EHP):

🔸EHP Don’t Avoid Alone-Time
Many ACoAs are addicted to relationships & to staying busy, no matter how unsatisfying or damaging. They always need to be with or around someone, rescuing others or creating chaos, running away from themselves or desperate to hang on. They never seem to slow down enough to feel emotions, evaluate their motives or stop self-defeating behaviors.

ACoAs in Recovery often say they don’t know what to do with unstructured hours – because it’s for just themself. They feel depressed, too lonely, can’t decide what to do, aren’t allowed to have fun or relax….. wasting precious time on weekends or holidays, & then go back to their rat-race. Even those of us who are highly accomplished & talented are motivated by fear, rather than self-esteem.

But EHP treasure time by themself – to reflect, plan ahead, have alone timefun, be creative, do something not related to their work-life, OR just rest! And there are times when it’s truly necessary to pull back in order to allow internal healing, but it’s not endless.

EHP don’t need others to give them a direction or make them feel OK. They can be happy with others, but also happy alone. They’re comfortable with their thoughts & emotions, & when stressed they know how to comfort themself. They know that changing their routine or ‘vegging’ is crucial to mental & physical health. They know that play is part of a well-balanced life, so don’t need to be constantly ‘producing’ something to validate their existence.

🔸EHP Don’t Feel Pessimistic
ACoAs are more likely to see themself (S-H), others & the world from a negative point of view (hopelessness & some paranoia). The adults we grew up with either ignored us or were judgmental of everyone & everything, so we took on the same perspective. This means ignoring all the positive things available in life, including the good things that we have experienced.

EHP generally feel optimistic about their life & their future, without ignoring stresses or hoping for magic outcomes. They don’t let temporary difficulties or unimportant annoyances get them down – at least not for long. They know that obstacles are part of life, so they make an effort to solve whatever they can, & accept what they can’t change (Serenity  Prayer – backwards??).feel positive
They don’t focus on their weaknesses – while still acknowledging them. No one can be perfect, so they don’t waste time trying. Instead, they continue working on improving themselves rather than feeling defeated.

🔸EHP Don’t Feel Sorry for Themself
There’s a difference between feeling sorry for ourselves & healthy compassion for all we’ve been thru. The Victim’s outlook is that they can’t function because of being abused. While their childhood trauma was real, as adults they refuse to work on healing those wounds, which would improve their present & future. Their ‘position’ is that as long as they’re ‘incapacitated’ someone else will have to take care of them. If no one does, they stay helpless & depressed.

🔸EHP compassionately acknowledge past distress, while fully accepting the unfair & painful truth that they’re responsible for cleaning up the PMES mess their unhealthy family passed on.  compassionThey’re able to emerge from stressful circumstances with self-awareness & self-respect, even appreciating the lessons they’ve learned. When things don’t go well in the present, they find realistic ways to manage, get the support they need, & believe in their worth – no matter what.

They ALSO know it’s OK to feel sorry for oneself briefly from time to time, especially after an event that’s out of their control. It’s important to lick their wounds to regroup & regain strength, before moving on. EHP have gratitude for their positive qualities & the good thing they already have.

NEXT: EHP – Part 1b

Psychological DISORDERS – Psychotic (Part 6)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, recovery, self-care, Self-esteem

I CAN’T TELL
what’s real any more!

PREVIOUS: Disorders 5c

SITE: 12 types of psychosis

 

3. PERSONALITY DISORDERS
4. SOCIOPATHS & PSYCHOPATHS

5. PSYCHOTIC
Psychosis is a severe mental illness caused by a combination of inherited genes, & things a person has experienced or been exposed to in life (traumatic birth, poison, diseases of the nervous system such as epilepsy & Parkinson’s, syphilis, drug use, severe social changes/ traumatic events…..)

It’s a group of extreme disorders expressed in abnormal thinking & perception – a gradual inability to distinguish oneself from one’s surroundings, ie. losing touch with reality. Psychological defenses become overloaded by stress & the sufferer breaks down, making it hard to separate their thoughts & experiences from what’s going on outside of themself. The most common form is Schizophrenia. (See site above)

Psychosis may or may not be a part of other mental illnesses as well, such as Bipolar, suddenly after a major stress, post-partum depression (about 1 in every 1,000 mothers, within a few weeks after giving birth), when using or withdrawing from drugs….

People in the grip of psychotic disorders experience themselves & the world very differently from psychopaths & sociopaths, who are usually very grounded in reality, understand what they’re doing & the consequences of their actions, but just don’t care.
EXP: A psychopath or a sociopath might kill someone’s dog because they want to cause emotional trauma to the owner
• A psychotic might kill the dog because they thought it was robot sent to take over the world

While it’s not so easy for a person with a psychotic disorder to recognizing their own symptoms, they are acutely aware of experiencing pain & fear, which may cause the person to hurt themself or others. It can be a one-time ‘break’, episodic, or long-term.
As of 2023, around 3% of the people of the United States experience at least one psychotic episode during their lives, mostly teenagers & young adults  (about 100,000 every year)

Disordered thinking
• Delusions – fixed beliefs & ideas that are usually false, including religious or persecutory, or a false belief of superiority.
EXP: convinced someone’s plotting against them, that the TV is sending secret messages, seeing a ‘spiritual’ entity, being watched by the police because of the way cars are parked outside the house…..
• Thoughts are confused, blurred or difficult to express, can seem to speed up or slow down, or a belief that thoughts aren’t their own. They have memory loss or amnesia, trouble concentrating, following a conversation

• Speech is often rapid & frenzied, slurred or jumbled (word-salad)
• Suspiciousness – being worried or even scared of everyone they know, including family & friends. Feel uneasy without knowing why
• Superstition – belief in the unreal includes: confusion about dreams, thinking that others can read their mind, frequently experiencing déjà vu, thinking that small random events have meaningful connections, & often come up with far-fetched theories about why things happen

Disordered behavior
• Physical – disorganized or compulsive behavior, repetitive movements, self-harming, slow movement in activity, or lack of restraint
• Reactions can be infantile, prone to insults & swearing. They forget self-care such personal hygiene & housework, will be disoriented
• Social impairment – isolated, trouble with social situations, don’t conform to behavioral standards or respond correctly to social cues

Exaggerated /unreal experiences
• Hallucinations – false perceptions, affecting the 5 senses, experience more intensely what’s real.  Hear, see, feel something that’s not there, which can cause fear & paranoia
EXP: Interpret everyday sounds as having new or special meaning, hear something louder than it actually is, shadows are seen as human figures…..

• Hypochondria – an irrational / exaggerated fear of having or getting a disease or illness, causing them health-related anxiety, constantly looking for symptoms, or anything that might harm their health.

Mood changes
 • Emotions – general discontent, lack of normal emotional responses, loss of interest or pleasure in activities. Tendency to be irritable & aggressive, including anger, anxiety, apathy, feeling detached from self,  inappropriate emotional responses such as easily agitated when being talked to

• Shifts in mood often throughout the day, in 2 phases: a manic period (high), feeling happy & energized — followed by low mood, feeling sad & dull, with loss of appetite or trouble sleeping.

NEXT : Myers-Briggs – INTRO

Psychological DISORDERS – Psychopathy (Part 5c)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Personal Growth, recovery

IT’S IMPERATIVE
I know what to look for!

PREVIOUS: Personality Disorders (Part 1)

SITE:  “Grey rocking – if you can’t go No-Contact” (re. NPDs)
* “Grey rock method of dealing with a Psychopath”

 

4. SOCIOPATHS & PSYCHOPATHS (cont)

4b. PSYCHOPATHS (cont)
(PS) ORIGIN: Psychopathy is generally considered a combination of genetic & chemical imbalances. Scans of PS brain show the section responsible for impulse control & emotions (compassion & remorse) is not developed.  So they lack the proper neurological framework to form a sense of ethics and morality.

PSs are born with cortical under-arousal, with temperament characteristics such as impulsiveness & fearlessness, leading to a lot of risky activities.
Also, they don’t ‘get’ (internalize) social standards of behavior, making it impossible to function appropriately. They’re just as likely to hurt their family & friends as they are strangers (MORE….)
IMP: PSs are not ‘insane’, as in losing touch with reality, like in psychosis

(PS) EMOTIONS
IMAGEs, side view —->  In the extreme, Cluster B  PD people suffer from a brain anomaly dramatically minimizing their clear-thinking ability & stunting the core personality. The anomaly is called Cave of septum pellucidum, causing the meso-temporal lobe to be diminished or starved. This scan shows reduced amounts of ‘grey areas’ in the prefrontal cortex & temporal poles, areas that normally play a vital role in expressing emotions & governing moral behavior.
<—- Top view : Affected people are not capable of awareness of consequences, guilt, genuine self-worth, self-consciousness, introspection … nor attachment to, empathy with, concern for, or even ‘like’ – much less genuine feelings of love – for anyone. Other people have no meaning for the PS except to be used for personal gain. And without a conscience, there’s nothing internal to stop them from doing horrendous things to others, & believing that it’s ok. (VIDEO of child psychopath)

(PS) SOCIAL
FROM ‘Ms No world Order‘ website: “They can be found in every culture, race & socio-economic levels. They thrive in a collective environment, & are common at the top of most power structures – corporate, government & religious. (Careers that attract PS ➡️ )

Psychopaths are manipulative & can easily gain people’s trust because they’ve learned to mimic emotion, & so appear “normal” to the unwary. They’re often educated & hold steady jobs. Some are so good at faking & conning that they can have families & other long-term relationships without those around them ever suspecting their true nature. (Dexter)

These are the people we most associate with aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior, without empathy or remorse. They’re angry & deeply abnormal (unhealthy), who need to have control over others & cannot nor want to sense other people’s feelings, getting high off of their anti-social actions.(MORE….) CATEGORIES
1. Distempered PS
Primary:  violent predators, don’t respond to punishment
Secondary: risk-takers, are violent, but fear getting caught
2. Charismatic PS
Primary : can live the ‘big lie’
Secondary : can tell the ‘small lie’ & live with it

TYPES
• Abrasive – like to be different, can’t be trusted, will insult… to win an argument, always proud when they come out on top. They have no remorse – even for the greatest cruelty
• Explosive – immediate & frequent access to their rage – taking it out on whoever is available. They can erupt unpredictably, & are savage when loosing control, taking down a victim before the person knows what just happened.

• Malignant – driven by paranoia, but change their beliefs & pt. of view depending on how much they ‘like’ someone. Unlike other PSs, their methods are ineffective & backfire on themself. They’re been the victim of terrible abuse from others & so are terrified of everyone, which creates elaborate & horrendous revenge fantasies, which they obsess over but don’t do

• Malevolent – cold-blooded & ruthless, paranoid &/or sadistic, they’re much more controlled than the Explosives. They’re terrified to feel positive emotion which they think will make them weak. AND they’re convinced that the purpose of tender emotions in others (love, kindness, sympathy…. ) are only expressed in order to manipulate the PS, another reason to hate feelings.
They love power & get off on mistreating others. If they don’t get what they want they’ll react with arrogance, contempt & cruelty, so this category includes many murderers & serial killers.

• Tyrannical – cool, cunning & inherently violent, they’re turned on by the vulnerability of others. They’ll only target people to prey on who they sense will capitulate, & avoid resisters. Their victims must totally submit or join the PS as the weaker ‘partner’, delighting in their victim’s humiliation & intimidation. They relish the suffering of others, often keeping a token to relive an abusive experience.
Modified FROM Quantumcast – video

 

 NEXT: Personality Disorders (Part 3)