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EMOTIONALLY & MENTALLY HEALTHY People (EMHP)
EMHP Don’t Feel Sorry for Themselves
There’s a difference between feeling sorry for ourselves & healthy compassion for all we’ve been thru. The Victim’s outlook on life is that they can’t function because of being abused. While their childhood trauma was real, as adults they refuse to work on healing those wounds, which would improve their present & future. Their ‘position’ is that as long as they’re ‘incapacitated’ someone else will have to take care of them. If no one does, they stay helpless.
EMHP compassionately acknowledge past trauma, while fully accepting the unfair & painful truth that we’re responsible for cleaning up the PMES mess our unhealthy family created for us. They’re able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness & self-respect, even appreciating lessons learned. When things don’t go well In the present, they find realistic ways to manage, get the support they need, & believe in their worth – no matter what.
It’s also OK to feel sorry for one’s self briefly from time to time, especially after an event that’s out of our control. It’s important to lick our wounds & regroup & regain strength, before moving on. EMHP have gratitude for their positive qualities & the good thing they already have.
EMHP Don’t Avoid Alone-Time
Many ACoAs are addicted to relationships & to staying busy, no matter how unsatisfying or damaging. They always need to be with or around someone, rescuing others or creating chaos, running away from themselves – desperate to hang on. They never seem to slow down enough to feel emotions, evaluate their motives or stop self-defeating behaviors.
ACoAs in Recovery often say they don’t know what to do with unstructured hours – because it’s for just themselves. They feel depressed, too lonely, can’t decide what to do, aren’t allowed to have fun or relax….. wasting precious weekends or holidays, & then go back to their rat-race. Even those of us who are highly accomplished & talented are motivated by fear, rather than self-esteem.
But EMHP treasure time by themselves – to reflect, plan ahead, have fun, be creative, do something not related to their work-life, OR just rest! Ans there are times when it’s truly necessary to pull back in order to allow internal healing, but it’s not endless.
They don’t need others to give them a direction or make them feel OK. They can be happy with others, but also be happy alone. Strong people are comfortable with their thoughts & emotions, & when stressed they know how to comfort themselves. They know that changing their routine or ‘vegging’ is crucial to mental & physical health. They know that play is part of a well-balanced life, so don’t need to be constantly ‘producing’ something to validate their existence.
EMHP Don’t Isolate themselves
Many ACoAs cut themselves off from emotional, social, even sexual contact with others – sometimes for decades – because of untreated Laundry List characteristics, mainly weak boundaries (Bs), self-hate (S-H) & fear of abandonment (FoA).
We often confuse damage-isolation with needed down-time, or isolation with Introversion. Healthy Introverts don’t need as much stimulation (lots of people & activities), but are as social & talkative as Extroverts, just not as much.
EMHP know that periodically being alone is required to process difficult experiences or old emotions, a temporary but important part of personal growth. They also know that cutting themselves off from emotionally safe & intellectually stimulating people/ places/ things (PPT) for extended periods is not in their best interest.
Even when they don’t have the ideal family or an intimate relationship, EMHP regularly make an effort to develop healthy & loving connections with others, perhaps even forming an extended family, making time to create warm & interesting memories.
NEXT: MBTI Intro #1