PREVIOUS: Child E.S. (Part 2)
CES = child ego state
AES = adult ” ”
PES = parent ” ”
NC = Natural C. // AC = Adapted C.
2. ADAPTED CHILD (cont)
2a. BROADLY (Part 4)
2b. SYMPTOMS of the -AC
Ways it expresses uncomfortable or painful emotions
Physical – have temper tantrums, roll eyes, shrug shoulders, use a whining voice
AND / OR inappropriately giggle, kid around, laugh, raise hand to speak, squirm, talk behind hand, wink….
Verbal – baby talk, be literal, talk too much. Phrases : “Oh no not again, Things never go right for me, ….worst day of my life, I dunno”….
AND/ OR brag, exaggerate, pontificate. Use many superlatives (best, most, biggest), ‘big’ words to impress…. Phrases start with : “I wish, I want, I’m gonna, I don’t care”.
In adulthood : Three negative adaptations to early trauma, -AC styles, found in C2
These nuances are ways the WIC can act up at WORK or in other groups, expressing “I’m NOT OK” or “I’m not OK & neither are you!” (OK Coral)
• Compliant Child ES
Fearful attitude :“I’ll do anything to please you as long as you don’t get mad at me or fire me”.
This person doesn’t make a good team member (don’t pull their weight), & will be highly stressed if they have to manage others. Often feel depressed, overwhelmed & unrealistically anxious
• Oppositional Child ES
Angry attitude : “No one can control me”
Reacts against others, whether someone actually agree or disagree with them – as a false boundaries & a temporary sense of power. Negative repercussions are obvious
• Reckless Child ES
Arrogant attitude : “I only do things MY way”. (-FC)
This type has no boundaries & does whatever it wants, no matter the consequences to self or others. The person never / rarely takes responsibility for their actions. If they’re an employee it takes a great deal of management effort to keep them focused & out of trouble. As a boss – they run roughshod over everyone.
NOTE: We can switch into whichever state gets triggered by a current situation, often related to different ages in our past “Compliant’ is usually the youngest Inner Child of the past – age 3-5 . “Reckless / Rebellious” tends to be our teenager….
(⬆️ see the 3 Damaging Parent ES in “Parent – #4”)
FIXATION (see Basics Part 3)
DEF : an attachments to people or things persisting from childhood into adult life. An inability to adopt any different or new perspective about a problem
As long as the original trauma in our past is still lurking in the background as unfinished business, those experiences become psychological fixations – ‘stuck-ness’. So behaviors, beliefs or feelings connected to unhealed buttons can still be triggered by events in the present.
One stressor may throw us back to thoughts, emotions & actions when we were 10, while another event make us feel like a helpless infant
When the -AC E.S. takes over our usual way of functioning, we’re hijacked by something inside, out of our control because it happens so fast – & we’re back in our childhood (regression). This shows us exactly where particular old wounds need to be repaired. (“Cycles of Power” has examples)
Fixations hold up a mirror to the PigP (Introject), not from our True Self which includes the Natural Child (+FC), capable of being comfortable with self & others.
Instead, mal-adaptive Introjects keep our Child part in pain, psychologically trapped in the past. Fortunately we can reprogram the brain.
⚙️ We can be emotionally stuck in the past because of verbally, physically & sexually abusive adults, physical & emotional neglect, unmet developmental needs, & generally unskillful or inadequate parenting. Children get confused when their needs are punished, misunderstood, ignored or trivialized – consciously or not. When it happens often enough, those lacks poison our whole world. (MORE…. examples)
💜 But even with caring parents, some ACoAs can get fixated at a developmental stage because:
• the child or siblings’ needs were particularly complex or obscure
• unavailable or incompetent social / medical ‘support’ systems
• the family was under extreme stress from various hardships (severe financial or health problems, natural disasters, war / PTDS)…..
….. which under better circumstances 🌤 those parents would have wanted to & been capable of providing 🌺.
NEXT: Ego States – CHILD (Part 4)