PREVIOUS : What about Es? (#1)
Review: CD & Emotions (1 & 2)
HEALTHY emotions usually are immediate responses to some situation or thoughts at the moment. They’re important because they give us information about what going on, & gets us ready or motivated to act when appropriate or necessary. They come from
• external events, like being cut off in traffic or your boss being annoying, so you may feel angry, irritated, frustrated…. OR
• internal ‘events’, like memories of —
— a bad job, a lost loved one, so you can feel sad, lonely, angry, scared
— a fun party, great success, so you may feel happy, relieved, proud…..
BTW – Don‘t confuse feelings or emotions with:
• Compulsions, which are actions we’re not in conscious control of – OR –
• Obsessions (Os), which are overly-focused, circular mental ruminations, our personal hamster-in-the-wheel:
a. most Os are —
— unconsciously fueled by anxiety, trauma, S-H, FoA….
— & are supported by unhealthy thinking, like CDs, wanting revenge, being one-up, proving oneself ….
b. less often (legitimate) Os may be:
• motivated by a deep need to connect with a H.P, to be of service to others or follow a creative goal, called ‘passions’
• rehearsing phrases or counter-arguments created by our Healthy Adult. Purpose: to solidify a more mature way of verbally responding to others, since
— ACoAs tend to blank out when confronted or criticized (scared,) or
— when being told something outrageous or mean (we get enraged)
So ‘obsessional repetition’ is a smart tool, creating new brain pathways, to stay ‘on line’ when we need it the most
RECOGNIZE feelings: Regularly ask “What am I feeling emotionally right now?” Name any that you can. If you’re not sure, write about recent events & talk about them to a friend or in a meeting. Not being alone with them helps.
Q: Have you noticed that at the end of a day – or maybe a week – you feel heavy, tired, depressed – BUT you think ‘nothing really big / bad happened’?
A: List every event, no matter how trivial or ‘innocuous’. Some may actually have been quite stressful
• Next to each one – list Es you noticed, OR imagine Es you may have felt about it – if you were ‘in touch’ (sad, mad, lonely… or happy, relieved, peaceful….)
• You’ll find there are many different Es associated with people & situations that have come in & out of your life – but not discharging all that E. energy, usually uncomfortable ones, accumulates in the body & now you’re weighed down!
💗 We can also overlook pleasant ones if we’re not used to or allowed to feel them
LONG-TERM* emotions are ones we keep feeling for a long time, causing great stress on the body, which never gets a chance to relax. The only ‘benefit’ is in letting us know what happened to us as children. Accumulate Es hang on until we can verbalize & finally experience them.
In the present, when an old button is pushed, we chew & chew on a feeling (anger, abandonment, disappointment….), obsessing on the painful experience, which adds more pain – by judging how we feel. These Es won’t dissipate easily or quickly because they’re attached to self-abusing beliefs that our WIC is loyal to.
✶ Unexplored childhood Es prevent us from being in touch with or honoring honest gut responses, which then distract us from taking needed actions, or drive us to take the wrong kinds
EXP: You got really angry at a rotten driver on the highway, yelling & giving them the bird… but then gave yourself a hard time about being angry – because you learned as a kid that anger is BAD.
You may also feel guilt, shame, anxiety & S-H – judging yourself – because you’re not making a distinction between the emotion of anger vs. behavior.
Truth: All emotions are legitimate, but not all actions are appropriate!
Regardless, you may not be able to prevent the bad-voice ‘recording’ from clicking on, BUT don’t let it run – stop it right away. If you do that each time, it’s power will eventually lessen!
NEXT: What about Es? #3