ACoAs: DIS-comfort & Comfort (Part 2b)

a lot more than others

PREVIOUS: Dis-comfort & Comfort #2

SITE: Answer Qs: Are you happy in your own skin? (Body issues)

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

2. NEGATIVE DIS-comfort (cont.)
 UNDER ‘feel’ (Part 2)

⚑ OVER ‘feel’
At the same time, having so much of our energy tied up in denial we’re the ‘walking wounded’, leaving us with very little reserve for dealing with anything unexpected. So when something big does hit us, we withdraw, fall apart, get sick, get belligerent….. & generally take a long time to get over it.

over-reactingPrecisely because of our pain backlog, many ACoAs’ default setting is to make everything into a big drama. We can over-react to even ‘minor’ frustrations more than is called for – as if they’re life & death events. “Touch me & I bleed!”

We get too angry, too impatient & frustrated, too easily insulted, take things too personally….. no matter the size or importance of an issue in reality, including  situations that have nothing to do with us. Losing a favorite object can feel just as terrible as losing a loved one!

BTW – This intensity tell us that no matter how trivial something is – if we’re triggered (have a very strong emotional reaction) – the very fact that it upsets us is absolute proof that it is similar or identical to something that happened to us over & over in childhood (an emotional/ mental/ verbal /sexual abuse or neglect…), either a literal copy or representing an underlying negative message.

Discomfort can be separated into:
— the nigglies – ongoing ‘minor’ irritants which represent our lack of self-care, copying the way our parents neglected themselves & us
Biggies, the many ways we harm ourselves & let others harm us –  visible (to others, but not always to ourselves) in how we interact with gum on heelpeople, events & situations (PPT).

a. The Nigglies
— are annoyances we tend to ignore, usually short-term & could easily be dealt with, but which chip away at us if we don’t, either physically or emotionally :

• always do things the hardest way
• be impatient with ‘normal’ daily delays

• don’t protect yourself from noises (loud or annoying)
• don’t take care of personal business, until too late
neg-neg• don’t use bathroom when needed
• don’t write things down & then forget

• ignore household chores, so they pile up
• let things slide & then obsess about them
• live in your mind rather than take actions
• live with bad shoes, small aches (bad chair), ‘wrong’ clothes/ not warm enough …
• live or work in unclean & ugly environments

• make jokes about something painful
• not leave somewhere when you want to
• not mend torn clothes, live with broken things at home
• ruminate about someone ‘ignoring or dissing us
• stay on the phone too long

b. The Biggies
— are long-term, difficult to correct & weighs us down
• all forms of addition (<—–chart )
• be in the ‘wrong’ profession too long, stay in a bad job too long
• compulsive denial & suppression of emotions
• compulsive isolation, thereby ‘starving’ oneself of positive experiences

• deliberately hurting other people /animals
• deny childhood trauma
• don’t get help when you really need it – or never
• don’t get medical attention for persistent ailments/ pain/ disabilities

• fear of intimacy, so pick unavailable or dangerous friends & partners
• habitual procrastination
• ignore or dismiss successes, accomplishments
• insist on self-hating thinking – esp. when we know better
• over-spending & debting, living in over-whelming clutter
• poor eating & sleep patterns

• sabotage possible good relationships / jobs / gifts / opportunities..
• self-defeating actions when trying to get disallowed needs met
• self-deprivation – of many needs & wants
• self-injury   (Chart ➡️) (Myths)
• sexual anorexia or promiscuity• social anxiety from negative beliefs (SAS site)
• stay in abusive, dangerous relationships
• suicide attempts / neglecting any mental health issue

13 Things All Self-Destructive People Need To Stop Doing
How to STOP S-d behaviors
How to Overcome Self Destructive Behavior

 NEXT : Dis-Comfort #3a

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