PREVIOUS: Ennea – Triad Emotions (Part 3)
QUOTE: “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” ~ Sigmund Freud
REVIEW: ACoA have been conditioned to believe that having emotions is as evil as killing someone. (see”Positive uses” for anger).
Also, people living with an intense mood disorder for a long time (panic d., obsessive-compulsive d., manic-depression, rage-aholism, paranoia….) tend to reject various emotions as unacceptable.
Unfortunately, not distinguishing emotions from action can lead to very dangerous behaviors such as self-harming, sexual acting out, addictions…..
• The popular field of Positive Psychology is sometimes used to justify pushing away ‘unfriendly’ emotions. This suits many people who don’t want deal with painful Es.
— However “no matter how “dark”, Es are natural expressions of being human. They all have a message that will ultimately lead to greater clarity, if acknowledged & contemplated….. (From :”Why Feeling Bad is Good“)
• While we do want to aim for serenity & a balanced life, it’s not healthy to cover up painful emotions (Es) & harmful beliefs (Ts) with a bunch of platitudes & ‘positive thinking’, especially without first cleaning out old childhood pain
Having access all our Es is essential to becoming fully integrated & able to function well in the world. The processes is never continual or total. It’s just important to accept all of them.
While its sometimes necessary to have some distance from our emotions or to even be temporarily shut down – as self-protection – long-term suppression causes bigger problems than whatever was being avoided in the first place.
✶ Naturally we have to take into account the WIC’s over-reaction to people & situations, from stock-piled old wounds, & to our under-reaction from obeying the Toxic Messages, rather than our True Self. As we heal & develop our “Unit” we can usually tell the difference between historical vs present-day emotional responses (“Getting to our Es”)
KEEP IN MIND that WE:
• can experience Emotions but not act on them at all
• can have our Es & find the right place to ‘get them out’
• will notice Es shifting from pain to discomfort – then pleasure – when hearing a kind word or being with any accepting, comforting person
• can change how we feel emotionally (E) by coming to an aha! moment, or by mentally (T) understanding what’s going on with us (A)
1. Emotional intelligence (E.I., also called E.Q.) refers to our ability to understand & use emotional information to guide our thinking & behavior. This includes USING:
• nonverbal communication effectively thru body language
• humor & play to relieve stress
• conflict as an opportunity to grow closer to others
Self-awareness: recognize internal emotions
Empathy: understand emotional perspective/ experiences of others, especially when different from ours
Motivation: use self-control to channel Es toward a goal
Handling relationships: use info about Self & others to respond appropriately in social relationships by developing healthy interpersonal skill
Managing: act appropriately on any Es that occur in a situation
(MORE…) (IMAGE from children’s movie 2015)
• Researchers are beginning to develop tests that measure emotional intelligence:
— People with high E.I. have greater mental health, show greater job performance, & usually work well in cooperative situations, being good at motivating & managing others
— People with low E.I. have low(er) self-esteem, often misinterpret emotional signals, have trouble in relationships, & are not as motivated to be cooperative or perform well at work
Although E.I. probably has an inherited component, many psychologists believe that people can be guided into making better use of the E.I. they were born with. but is still under/ un-developed.
NEXT: ACoAs – ACCESSING our Emotions (Part 2)