I KNOW WHO I AM
– & I approve!

PREVIOUS: What Self-Esteem is NOT

 

SELF-ESTEEM IS:
1. Knowing Ourself well (with + & – characteristics), accepting & genuinely enjoying who we are, without denial or arrogance
** Some years after both her parents had died, one woman Recovery said about herself: “It’s sad that they missed out on experiencing the wonderful person their child has matured into, & always was  from the start.”

2. Knowing that all our Emotions (Es) are legitimate, valid & a part of the complete personality.  There are NO negative Es – when referring to painful or “unacceptable” ones – because anything that is considered a negative should be gotten rid of. Reality : ALL emotions are part of being human and are valuable, because they tell us what’s right or wrong for US! So the term does not apply to Es.

3. Knowing that all our Needs are normal & acceptable, but understanding that not all of them will be met, all of the time. That some will take longer than others to achieve, & that some which we didn’t get in childhood may never be fully realized.  But the more we reach for them, the more we’ll get.

4. Being OK with being Human – realistically knowing what our limits & limitations are. That to be human will always mean making mistakes, not knowing some things, being imperfect, having weaknesses – as well as having the gifts of abilities & talents, which we can hone & enjoy

5. Accepting that no matter how ‘Good or Spiritual’ we are, life can still be unfair, bad things can happen to us, other people will sometimes mess us up… but that does not mean it’s personal or that we’re not trying hard enough.  Having S.E. means we have a right to be here – on the planet – & that our H.P. wants the best for us

6. Being willing & able to take Responsibility for ourself (all our T.E.A.s) without guilt, shame, fear of punishment or of being abandoned (FoA). We’re able to be our own motivator, rather that using others to give us permission to be or act.  We can protect ourself from other people’s damage, but also own all our reactions, especially to upsetting events

7. Being able to live in Balance between extremes, most of the time (minimizing drama / trauma). Part of S.E. is knowing how to think clearly & accurately, which lowers anxiety
✏︎ Being peaceful does not mean standing still
✏︎ Being calm is not the same as being bored
Living between +25 & -25 is the best option, rather than -100 hopeless or +100 fantasy high.

8. Accepting that Process is part of all accomplishments & personal growth. Delays do not mean failure or being abandoned (never reaching a goal). Process takes time & with S.E. we know we can do a great deal.  When we fail, we have the ability to learn from mistakes, improve ourself & keep reaching for our dreams

9. Always looking for new things to Learn & explore, curious about ourself, other people, including all the newest developments & difficulties in world.
We can take time to research topics we don’t know about, especially relating to problems that come up with ourself or family. As we age – our brain stays functional longer IF we include something new & different every so often

10. Being able to freely Express ourself artistically, using all our talents, knowledge & special gifts. S.E. allows us to pursue our dreams, no matter where they lead us. Knowing that we can’t be perfect, we’re not afraid to share those talents with others

11. Being able to Relax, Enjoy, have fun, take time off, rest, ‘veg’ – regularly.  These experiences are necessary to increase ‘good’ chemicals in the brain, which elevate mood. It also give us time to process our daily experiences on internal conscious & sub-conscious levels & to heal from past wounds. We have a right to healthy pleasure!

NEXT: RECOVERY – Is & is NOT (Part 1)