SITE: “The Authenticity Paradox” (leadership in Biz)
21 POSTS re. “Ego-States – Basics….. ”
CHART ⬆️ “10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living” , with explanations for each.
FROM : GAMES PEOPLE PLAY, by Eric Berne
☛ Adaptive Self = The Adapted Child ego-state is the young part of us which wants to know how to behave & what’s expected. It will mould itself to the total environment we grow up in. Broadly speaking,
— IF the circumstances are favorable, this part of us will develop into an adult who fits into their world with relative success & comfort
— IF circumstances are consistently difficult or traumatic, the Adapted child ego-state becomes the Wounded Inner Chid (WIC).
As a result, this part tends to run our life, & can include responses heavy with negativity, resistance, reactions or deeper hostility to our environment. This will show up as “character defects”, everything from extreme narcissism, to outright rebellion, to passive-aggression, to people-pleasing, to total passivity.
☛ Authentic Self (Natural)
The Natural Child ego states are the core of our being, from infancy to old age – what we were born as & born to be. It includes :
🪴 all our strengths (talents, attitudes, tastes, genetic tendencies, learning styles, personality type….) as well as
🌱 basic weaknesses (things we’re not good at, are not interested in, or the tendency to be attracted to dangerously exciting / negative influences….).
As a child, the Natural Self is largely un-self-aware, spontaneous, literal & concrete, likes to play, is open, trusting & vulnerable. As an adult it pushes us to develop all of our capacities, within the limits of our environment. (MORE….)
“20 WAYS to BE a More Authentic Person“(Modified from article by Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., & Starr Sites)
NOTE: Many of these points are like the characteristics listed in the “Personal GROWTH” posts. They all have to do with Self-esteem – expressions of the Natural Child, Loving Parent & Healthy Adult.
1. How to DEVELOP Authenticity
√ Examine family-system Belief
Think back to episodes & messages in childhood that led to hiding your Authentic Self, & instead adopt a protective but unhealthy way of existing in this world (False Self). By examining where our present-day behaviors come from, we can learn what’s true & not true
√ Dialogue between Adaptive & Authentic Selves
Invite the 2 ‘persona’ to a dialogue – part of a thought exercise. Respectfully introduce both: Thank the Adaptive Self for helping you function through some painful & chaotic times, and thank Authentic Self for being your whole, real, core personality.
Mentally or in writing – pose questions & then urge each side to express itself fully, listening patiently to the responses. Try to accept what both sides have to say, as they may reveal things you’re not expecting.
EXP: • Authentic Self may be silent, afraid of silent rejection or outright abuse
• Adaptive Self may be overly- responsible, caretaking to protect you from feeling hurt, like so many times before
These parts are running our lives for a reason. This exercise may help to understand why you act as you do, so you can decide what you want to change & what to keep.
√ Identify Discrepancies
Notice any inconsistencies between your actions & your beliefs.
EXP : If you catch yourself making a racist, sexist or other hurtful remark, check if you really believe these attitudes & beliefs, or are they ideas someone else taught you?
Remember, Adaptive Self just wants to fit in, so will act in ways that are inconsistent with Authentic Self. This was needed growing up. But now – acknowledging what’s truly you will allow you to function from the needs of Authentic Self, which requires self-honesty & self-awareness.
√ Examine Doubts
When trying to identify the qualities of Authentic Self, you may wonder how, and whether it’s actually possible to change Adaptive Self’s deeply ingrained cognitive distortion, or uncover what you don’t know about yourself – yet.
Doubts can be breadcrumbs that lead to Authentic Self. If you’re unsure about the OK-ness of a thought, action, emotion or experience…. ask what’s behind your discomfort or anxiety. Is Authentic Self trying to say “STOP. That’s not me !!” ?
OR are you not allowed to “Know What I Know” ?
NEXT : DEVELOP Authenticity (Part 2)