PREVIOUS : Being Authentic (#1)
SITE : “The Fine Line Between Helpful & Harmful Authenticity” (in Biz, how honest to be depends on resume & environment)
1. How to DEVELOP Authenticity (cont)
√ Observe yourself objectively
Notice how Adaptive Self lives in the present moment – what you DO feel & believe, how you respond to challenges (problems/ issues) & react under pressure. Identify which ones feel authentic, & which ones are fake.
√ Develop the courage to face your fears
Humans tend to be most comfortable with what’s familiar, so the ‘new’/ unknown makes us uncomfortable, at least at first. Examining your inner core emotions & beliefs can be like exploring a foreign landscape. So when you find a disconnect between Adaptive & Authentic Selves, your heart may pound or hands get clammy, afraid to look too deeply into yourself for fear of what you might find.
For many of us, Authentic Self legitimately also has a lot of fear, sadness & anger from too much hurt, which is why Adaptive Self took over.
However, the original painful secrets we hide from ourselves are part of what make us who we really are now. So – as much as possible, slowly, courageously explore them. Identifying, experiencing, accepting, & letting go of these buried emotions & memories strengthens Authentic Self.
√ Explore your values
Integrity, ethics & living our personal values is an effective way to be more authentic. The trouble comes when we’re so far from Authentic Self that we don’t even know what our values are. So consider what values you may have, & then think of ways to start living them.
√ Identify What you truly believe
Write down as many negative beliefs as you can hear that rule Adaptive Self. If you listen carefully, they’ll be loud & clear. These bad-parent & self-hating Toxic Rules keep you stuck, & always prevent you from being your True Self. (CRITIC ….)
Work at forming new positive statements about yourself that counter the self-limiting / self-destructive ones. Use info from the lists of NEEDS, and RIGHTS to come up with realistic & kind phrases. Then repeat them everyday as positive affirmations to get them to stick, until they’re the ‘new norm’ in your head.
√ Love yourself & have Compassion for others
It takes positive self-regard for Authentic Self to blossom, so adding a daily dose of love & compassion helps your life flow better. One way is to regularly take several deep breaths & a brief time-out every day.
Imagine each breath infused with loving energy. Whether as ballon balls, sun bursts or rays of colored light, invite love to enter your body.
Draw acceptance into your lungs & disperse it throughout, or send it directly to Authentic Self in your heart. As you feel the lightness, share some of it with friends & loved ones, which will also expand the love within!
√ Replace patterns & beliefs that no longer serve
When you recognize a thought or action that doesn’t represent Authentic Self, work on changing it. Visualization is a good tool for this. Place the harmful thought or action in a mental bubble, & let it rise until it disappears. Or you can write it on a piece of paper, cross it out, crumple up the paper, even burn it (safely) – physical actions that help your subconscious understand your intentions.
√ Accept that developing authenticity takes time
Examining our True self is a life-long process, if we choose to keep developing. It takes perseverance – a day at a time – to winnow out beliefs & behaviors that no longer serve, & carefully replace them with more authentic ones. With our own patience & encouragement from others, we’ll align with True Self.
√ Go Slow – in developing Authenticity
We can be shocked when uncovering what’s been hidden in our subconscious. New raw awarenesses that come up too suddenly can disrupt our lives in unexpected ways.
Use moderation, proceed cautiously. When you discover a belief or memory that’s been limiting or covering up your authenticity, take as much time as you need to adjust, viewing it with self-compassion. Write about it & then share it with a safe, trusted person or group.
NEXT : How to MAINTAIN Authenticity (Part 1)