musical notes 6 IT’S GOOD TO SHARE MY FEELINGS –
it keeps me connected

PREVIOUS: Purpose – Survival


1. SOCIAL NEEDS (cont)

• FACTS are a type of communication ‘channel’f or presenting ideas, plans & goal. Info stated clearly ensures that we’ll be correctly understood.
But communication also has an EMOTIONAL channel.  Es change people’s outlook on facts, so someone who’s sad tends to see problems as risks in the world, while a happy person mainly opportunities & potential rewards

• We signal our Es via verbal & nonverbal language (Emotions & the Body”posts). When there’s a difference between the 2, observers usually respond to the nonverbal portion. Es help us communicate with others:
∇ We can talk about a painful experience in a calm, rational ways – but show distress on our face or with body language – & we’ll get a response to the visual cues first.
∇ If we look sad or hurt, someone may think we’re signaling for help, & an having an effectangry face will tend to keep others away.

Why we don’t Communicate Es:
Protecting Others: afraid we could hurt or upset someone
Social Expectations: which shape how we feel & express them
Social or Professional Roles: If it’s not appropriate, based on your role or position
Vulnerability: not wanting to give others info that could affect how they see us

• Being social creatures, clear expressions of emotion have an automatic effect on others, & healthy people are interested in the emotional state of those they care about.

When deeply into a certain mood, elated or depressed, others will be able to picked that up rather quickly.
Talking to someone who’s depressed can make us feel depressed too, or when talking to someone who’s happy & confident we might notice that feel good about ourselves as well – but both are short-term

This response is especially obvious when someone famous & charismatic comes in to a room – everyone’s drawn to their emotional energy, even before they say anything.
It’s also why we feel scared watching horror movies, seeing actors portraying fear through gestures & facial expressions

Every communication has an emotional context & sub-context, which can be used to create emotional responses in others.  News media, powerful speakers & successful advertisers embed key emotional phrases in their presentations, knowing it’s an effective way to manipulate their audience.

😗 But we also consciously let ourselves be moved by things we know are untrue – seen by how avidly we gobble up all kinds of fantasy media, because of the emotional impact it has on us. The best works of fiction not only communicate interesting ideas but also pull at our heart-strings

Communication is always wrapped in some Emotion :
• If you talk about your extensive accomplishments in a dull, flat voice, the audience will loose interest and not take you seriously
OR they may get worried, wondering what’s wrong with you, since you should be expressing joy, excitement & pride – not disinterest
• Conversely, an enthusiastic salesman can spin such a clever pack of lies that we end up longing for (& buying) their worthless products (as in late-night infomercials)!

The Right kind of communication has a direct & powerful effect
i. With ourselves
• dialoguing with the WIC in a loving way will often bring calmness
• writing in a journal can organizing our thoughts & get us in touch with hidden Es
• picture having a positive conversation with someone – to solve a dispute, apologize for a difficulty, to add something we forgot or neglected to say earlier….

ii. With Others
• when we’re troubled, talking to a sympathetic person who gets us can change our mood rather quickly – even when they don’t have much to say
• a nonverbal expressions of caring – a reassuring touch, a hug, holding hands – can make us feel so much better
• when sharing an important experience we may unexpectedly get choked up, adding weight to the topic
• expressing joyful Es to others can make them even deeper

NEXT: Purpose of Es – Awareness

2 thoughts on “PURPOSE of Emotions: COMMUNICATION (Part 2)

  1. Thank you for your blog. It is so helpful to see other people feel the same.
    Sometimes when I share my emotions, especially related with some specific thing after i feel relieved. But after that I start to feel empty. The first thing i do then is to withdraw from those people I shared my problems with. And spend some time by myself. I feel anger because Im helpless to solve some situations in my life, and sometimes I need just to share. I dont need advises and how to’s. I feel Im unable to communicate and Im always in this push pull situation.


    • Hi Kira, sharing our innermost self is always scary for ACoAs. Obviously we need to choose who we tell carefully. But even when we share in appropriate places, like 12-step groups, we can still feel shame & want to hide. This is very old fear from being punished as a kid for communicating emotions & has nothing to do with our skill. However, there are plenty of books we can learn from about how to improve those skills like “The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-defense” by Suzette Haden Elgin.


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