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What SCARES Narcissists? (cont)

❧  Low Status
Many overt Ns relentlessly pursue positions of power & influence – even as far back as high school – such as being class president. It was more than just a popularity contest, & now it’s serious competition to keep accumulating power. Ironically, many Ns seem to expect recognition or admiration without any actual accomplishments or achievements, assuming they deserve power because they were ‘destined’ for it.

❧ Not able to communicate
G– forbid a N would be have to be without a cellphone, iPad or any other device – for even a day, much less a week. It would feel like torture & undeserved punishment. They need to be able to contact ‘Supply’, people to fill the void in their personality. Not being able to do so weakens the N.

❧ Poor or fading looks
Ns don’t actually have to be good-looking to move through life on their narcapades. Those types can still find, use & discard available sources, just not as high a quality as they think they have a right to.

But if a N starts out attractive, then finds their looks fading, from over-indulgence, illness, accidents or just aging…. they won’t be able to keep or compete as well for high-level Supply. With a bruised ego, they may decide to spend money or get someone else to pay for physical upgrades, like new clothes, physical enhancements….. whatever will makes the shallow N feel more desirable.  

❧ Poor health
It’s particularly hard on Ns, but they’ll try to make sure to have an ever-present empathetic victim to cater to their needs, & nurse them back to health. If their illness is chronic, & they have a spouse or adult-child they can control, they make sure to have a lifetime slave at their beck & call. Also, active addicts find their continued use an effective way to trauma-bond their Supply. 

❧ Remorse
It’s not just that they can’t feel remorse, it’s that they actively refuse to fake-express it – by apologizing. They fiercely reject feeling bad about hurting others, which shows a very deep fear of emotional weakness. Remorse is acceptance & admission of having made a mistake. For proud & haughty Ns, this is unthinkable.

❧ Self-evaluation
Ns have a false idea of themself as superior beings, but some part of them knows it’s all a lie, which their mind shields them from facing. To look into this constructed part their identity would mean confronting everything that’s wrong with their personality, which Ns dread almost more than anything.

❧ Shamed
This is about Public Humiliation. Ns greatly value social standing & reputation, assuming others think as highly of them as they do of themself. It’s interesting that Ns fear shame, not guilt —> which comes from feeling bad about hurting someone, or doing something wrong – which they don’t.
Being shamed scares Ns because it would threaten their self-image

❧ Your clarity & memory of self
Hi on their no-no list is for you to remember life before you met them. Because it’s one of their big fears, they’ll use all the manipulative tactics in their arsenal to deaden your self-awareness & reprogram your mind to fit the N’s self-view.

❧ Vulnerability, & expressions of Emotions
Narcs often use cognitive empathy to fake interest in other people’s emotions. They use it to “gain entry” to your vulnerability, to establish a trust & rapport using false kindness & ‘understanding’.
However, they loathe being vulnerable themself  & showing their emotions, seeing these as weakness. Instead, they use  their mimicking skills to take advantage of you when your adult defenses are down

❧ When you change the status quo
Narcissists hate change whenever it’s out of their control. When you choose yourself, you choose to remove yourself from abuse. That frustrates them.
But remember – you have a right to focus on your healing, even if it makes the N  miserable (temporarily). Do not feel sorry for them – they’ll just replace you!

❧ Death
Ns think of themself as all-powerful, all-knowing superior beings – even the Coverts, who assume they have the power to harm someone just with their thoughts & feelings!
Death is the ultimate destroyer of even the most powerful, making them like everyone else, forcing the realization that all their maneuvering to ‘stay on top’ were pointless. Oh Horror!

NEXT : Narcs & INTIMACY