PREVIOUS  : Narcissists’ FEARS – + Def. (#1)

 

What SCARES Narcissists? (cont)

❧ Caught at being a fraud or liar
Ns are famous for lying or exaggerating to make themself seem important or impressive to others, as well as to make themselves feel better about their status. Since they know they’re stretching the truth they’re secretly worried about being caught. So calling them on their B.S. can set off a rage, a distraction, justifications, or more lies

❧ Commitment
Being in a relationship will mean that a partner will get to know the N, including faults & embarrassments. Letting people see imperfections in their character is unbearable. Also, “sexual narcissism” (usually in men) is presenting a false image that they’re much better in bed than they actually are. Long-term relationship will expose any inadequacies in this area too.

❧ Consequences
This is setting boundaries with a N, stating what will happen if they overstep, & then implementing the results you warned them about.
This doesn’t make any sense to them since can’t see when they’re wrong, & can’t understand how anyone would ever think they were.
And even if the N ‘admitted’ a mistake, they simply wouldn’t care. So they over- or under-react to boundaries being set for them, using anger or ‘serious talks’ as a way to intimidate you into backing off

❧ Factual Talk
Many Ns use excessive, long-winded language charged with grandiose emotion, spending their whole lives using the emotional language of other people to their advantage.  They skew reality to meet their worldview, & believe their truth is always the truth.

Therefore, they hate when anyone challenges them with realistic facts, instead of your emotions. Ironically, they can retaliate with more arguing (cognitive) & hysteria (their emotions) trying to elevate the conversation’s intensity by throwing an emotional temper tantrum. This childish response simply shows how they feel out-of-control

❧ Gratitude
Like remorse, gratitude is another emotion seen as a sign of weakness by Ns – as if it gives the appreciative person power over them. Since Ns never do anything for ‘free’, they can’t imagine someone else showing them a kindness without payment expected.  Or, Ns can’t admit they may have needed help. Either way, it means they owe someone, which would make them someone’s equal, or worse yet ——> one-down.

❧ Insults
Insults are about the person – their identity – & Ns are hypersensitive to being verbally put down. They feel the sting of it more than non-Ns, a crushing blow to their already fragile ego.
They’ll brood & sulk about it for weeks, or never get over it – depending on the words used & who said them – even plotting revenge toward the person who caused the injury.

❧ Jealousy
Ns are extremely possessive of their human Supplier – even when devaluing & discarding someone. Their jealousy can be in the form of constant accusations, or will show up intensely if their victim actually cheats, leaves – or just pays more attention to someone else. They don’t want to lose even a smidgin of attention.

❧ Lack of admiration
In the N’s mind, admiration from others is the source of their power, so without it they’re nothing. When marginalized or ignored – for whatever reason – they experience it as being invisible, feeling totally irrelevance & unimportance – which they can’t bear.

❧ Lack of resources
This is mainly about physical needs. Yes, many Ns work long hours, to buy the best & the biggest,  a way to fill the inner emptiness. Since Ns believe they’re entitled to everything, doing without something – or having it taken away – can cause panic.
Also, losing practical resources, such as a car & house, will limit their ability to find & seduce someone new to take care of them

❧ Losing at anything
Ns can be extremely sore losers, acting just like toddlers in a tantrum. They may seem to be struggling to accept losing, but then lash out when they do, which can lead to plenty of cheating & dramatic reactions for not being “on top”. 

EXP: They can pretend they don’t care about winning, insist they “let the other person” take the spotlight, OR refuse to accept that they lost & awkwardly act as if they are the actual winner, OR may attack or humiliate the winner, repeatedly stating the person in charge (boss / referee) was incompetent, stupid, blind….

NEXT : N’s FEARS, #3