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“10 ways to discourage a N from dating you“

 

DEFINITIONS re. Ns
🃏Narc Collapse : when their manipulations & vulnerabilities are exposed or criminal activity caught, they no longer care what image they project, not able to be in control of themself as they used to, they act unstable, even unhinged. AND they can spring back as fast as a rubber band, or stay collapsed for some time.

🃏Narc Injury : they’ll react badly (s0000 wounded)  to real or imagined criticism / judgment, or when boundaries are set for them, or attempts are made to hold them accountable for harmful behavior. – Psych Central

🃏Narc Tears : Don’t be fooled – they’re crying for themself, not for you. These are crocodile tears, a term from an ancient anecdote about crocodiles weeping for the victims they’re eating. Here it’s about an NPD who wants to kill or actually causes the death of someone – but then publicly lament the loss. They may cry when their victim says they’re going to leave, or the N’s abuse is identified by anyone, or sometimes when watching movies, TV, or the news

Even their emotions are narcissistic. IF their tears are real, the pain is about themself, & provides some attention. They get ‘supply’ in the form of sympathy or by giving them the benefit of the doubt, or the empath doing things for them out of pity.

🃏 Narc Trauma-Bonding : Victims become deeply attached to a Narc by the use of ‘intermittent reinforcement’– the manipulative maneuver of abuse mixed in with periodic affection at unpredictable moments. Each time the N is ‘kind’ the victim feels hopeful that things are finally better – until the next round. BTW – periods pf relief are always brief, while the cruelty takes up most of the relationship.

🃏Narc Rage : the N reacts with intense anger, aggression, or passive-aggression when they have a disappointment or setback, which shatters their illusions of entitlement, grandiosity, & superiority, triggering their sense of inadequacy, shame & vulnerability.
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What SCARES Narcissists?

🚯 The N’s MAIN fear is of being Alone – without a steady stream of human ‘Suppliers’ of worship! So much so, they’ll even go back to an inadequate previous resource (parent, lover, guru, boss….) who they previously dumped & slandered – if they don’t have any other option at the moment.  “A lonely narc is a vulnerable one.”

❧ Authority
Ns detest authority – because they resent having to answer to anybody but themself. Any whiff of authority threatens their inherent desire for power & control. To survive, many Ns are passive-aggressive toward bosses & other authority figures, seething inside with resentment that they don’t have all the power they think is their due. Others can come across as combative & unfit in professional environments. If confronted by their inappropriate behavior, they tend to deny or rationalize their behavior.

❧ Being told NO
This is one of their most hated words, along with Truth & Silence. Ns are used to manipulating & weaseling their way into getting what they want – spending their whole life charming people into meet their needs. Telling them NO – & being adamant – will usually get you an angry reaction. They’re not just frustrated,  they’re downright confused by it! having no understanding that you have needs different from theirs.

❧ Criminal Justice System…
….. if facing Jail. They hate any serious loss of freedom, from ankle monitoring to house arrest to actual prison time. They think: “How could I end up in jail for something I definitely did & assumed I’d get away with!”
Unfortunately, Ns are very good at manipulating the judicial system, from cops to their own lawyers to judges, coming up with such crazy justifications for their behavior that it ‘has to be’ true.

❧ Criticism
Criticism is usually about what the Ns did or didn’t do which displeased someone else – not about their carefully crafted identity.
That’s why criticism is less deadly to a N than an insult. No – they won’t like it at all, since they’re actually very sensitive – but only for themself.
Criticism will take a toll on them, but may be laughed away or met with comebacks. They’re also famous for throwing the criticism right back at the speaker : ‘Yeah, well you did……’

NEXT: N’S FEARS – #2