PREVIOUS: Why resist? #6
All the inner & outer pressures for putting off Inner Child work can make overcoming resistance seem overwhelming, even hopeless. Not so.
It’s not our fault we internalized the Bad Voice, or that the WIC has so many fears & distorted beliefs. But it is up to us to make the corrections. The 2-handed writing helps
Keep in mind that changing patterns can only be done ‘one-day-at-a-time’, so DO NOT projecting failure. As we ‘grow’ & develop our UNIT every single day, we can use it to re-direct the WIC to new & realistic ways of thinking
❇️ The healthy way to dialogue is to focus on what the various age kids are saying & needing. ASK them. Follow their lead. If the PP gets in the way – push it aside. If the WIC starts in with S-H, stop it with kindness! Otherwise, stick to responding to what they bring up, validate their emotions, correct any CDs & talk about what’s REAL in the present.
CHALLENGE yourself to overcome resistance to caring for our WIC. Gradual willingness comes from:
• being sick & tired of being sick & tired – especially of the PP voice – when it becomes more painful to do things the old dysfunctional way
• having enough Recovery to FEEL love & compassion for our younger self, especially considering what we’ve been thru
• learning how to talk to the Child correctly & wisely
• having enough growth to tolerate whatever memories & emotions come up
• giving up – at least somewhat – the demand that others take care of us! admit we really are capable AND can ask for support when needed
• stop focusing on what others may need or want, & handle your own needs
DIALOGUING with the Inner Child
a. Goal – TO:
• heal as much damage as we can (never ‘completely’)
• find, nurture & express True Self as much as possible
• enjoy life, based on permission to have our needs & use our talents
b. Helps us heal & grow by:
• gradually minimizing Self-Hate (we didn’t cause the damage)
• develop our own new Loving Parent voice
• identify our rights & apply them daily
• woo the Inner Child away from the Toxic Introject (PP),
Suggestion: Use all your co-dependence skills – BUT only toward your Inner Child! At first, don’t think of it as ‘having to take care of myself” which would be breaking a toxic rule.
However – we already know how to “Put others’ needs before our own”, so put all your considerable experience & energy into self-care, & care-taking the kid!
There are many tools to strengthen our ADULT. Here is our version of the original Agreements to help develop a wonderful connection with your Healthy & Hurt inner children:
The 4 Agreements (Miguel Ruiz) for ACoAs
1. Be impeccable with your word (toward the Inner Child)
Speak with integrity & only say what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself, but use that power to grow in truth & love
2. Don’t take things personally
While this definitely applies to our dealings with others, it also can apply to the WIC. Sometimes:
• it will be relieved & happy to hear from the Loving Parent BUT
• sometimes it’ll be accusatory when feeling abandoned – which is actually aimed at the PP
ANS: “I’m not the one who is doing that to you – that’s what mom/dad did”….
• it will be angry (“I hate you….”) at the UNIT when we set appropriate limits
ANS: “You know what happens when I let you …. // I’m not depriving you – this is for your protection….”
3. Don’t make assumptions
Just because the IC is inside your body doesn’t mean you know what it’s actually saying or feeling – without asking. Always check in – about everything! – especially until you’re very well acquainted
4. Always do your best
The Inner Child does not need us to be perfect! only a “good enough” parent. Consistency & kindness are the qualities to focus on.
“Practice these principles in all your affairs” 🙂
NEXT: Book-Ending with the IC – #1