PROCESS – Recovery (Part 2b)

good life
makes life easier

PREVIOUS: PROCESS – Recovery (#1)

Posts: Toxic Beliefs” // Risk
Why Are You Stuck?

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

BOOKsRecycles of Power” & “Cycles of life”, ~ Pam Levin

REVIEW: ‘Emotional processing happens when we can cope with distressing events – over time, so that new experiences can occur (stressful or not) without a return to the previous upset. Everyone goes through things that cause pain, but for most people those emotions don’t last.

Why do some look at a situation without fear while others are gripped by a fear or anxiety so strong they are paralyzed? Scientific research has identified  the cause as cognitive-emotional processing, in which both feelings regarding the incident and thought processes were involved — not just an overly emotional response or a lack of normal emotional processing ability.’ (“Anxiety & T.E.A.“) feed the mind
a. Awareness  //  b. Acceptance

i. WHAT: Present-day behavior patterns
• based on how the real world works & our experiences
• motivated by self-respect & permission to act on our own behalf
• the result of S & I – taking center stage in our own life
• considering our effect on others, without being co-dependent

ii. HOW
• taking appropriate risks, then observing the results
learning by trial & error, & never giving up
• always looking for possible, appropriate options
• considering realistic consequences
• asking for, gathering & using a variety of help

iii. WHO: Definitely the UNIT
• Healthy Adult – the competent, objective part of us that has accumulated knowledge & experience about ourselves & the world
• Loving Parent – the mature care-taking part of us that has both kindness & boundaries, patience & limits, compassionate but realistic

• do things for our own growth, not just for others
• act on our needs & in accordance with spiritual beliefs
• choose activities that are pleasurable but not self-destructive

• stop to decide what to say or do, before ‘jumping’ (not reacting)
• NOT use activities as a cover up self-hate, loneliness, avtimingoiding painful emotions & relationship difficulties

• based on sound planning, & knowing our current limitations
• consider both the ‘price’ & rewards of our actions
• sometimes NO action is the best option
• some need to be repeated many times, to be effective
• know timing – don’t force or try to control but don’t wait too long, don’t try to do too much at the same time or schedule things too close together
• always give ourselves & others enough time to get things done

RECOVERY – 2 major ways to change our actions:
1. Do the opposite of our old behavior patterns (“Actions: Healthy Opposites post). The trick is knowing what rational, healthy opposites are

2. Doing the same activity for an opposite reason.
The basic issue here is motive. This is even trickier, unless we are clear what our reasons are for our actions. And, others may not understand, so will sometimes give us a hard time, or walk away frustrated & disgusted

EXP:  We may repeat an old behavior: staying in bed a lot, sleeping longer than usual, spending more time alone than with others (assuming we’re not physically ill), eating ‘family type’ foods
Old Motivation: To escape, to not feel old pain, not deal with difficult life situations, fear of ‘people, places & things’

Healthy Motivation (same action, new reason)
• to recover from re-experiencing deep emotional trauma (childhood pain)self growth
• to process a major stressor in the present (death, divorce, moving, marriage, a baby, new job, a fire…), when too many things are happening at once, especially if we have no control
• recover from Introject attacks – because we’re doing so well
• catch up on a lot of positive, new input – internally or externally
• resting up after a big event (wedding, surgery, travel….)

AND: IF we can NOT take some positive actions we would like to – YET – we can practice patience – keep working at it & never give up!

NEXT: Ego States – Summary

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