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Mahler’s S & I CYCLE (cont.)

S & I (6-24 mths) is divided into overlapping minor phases:
1. HATCHING / Differentiation (6-9 mths)  Using mother as the base of operation – a point of reference or orientation, the infant is increasingly alert to & interested in events, objects & people in the outside world, beginning to ‘hatch’ from the symbiotic bond
2. PRACTICING (9-16 mths)  Baby develops motor skills (crawling, then walking) which allows it to explore its world & move a bit away, but is still fused with mother
• Emotionally – It’s about pleasure, energy & narcissism (“Aren’t I great?”), as long as baby can return to the stable caregiver for reassurance, encouragement & re-fueling

3. RAPPROCHEMENT (15 – 24 mths) (“to turn away & then come back”)
Now a toddler, the child begins to realize limitations to its sense of omnipotence, so wants to be close to mother again, aware that physical mobility creates psychic separateness, which feels scary

Yet wanting some independence leads to ‘ambi-tendency’ – a need for separation AND for support – shown as pushing away, alternating with whining & clinging. The child needs help resolving the conflict between their autonomous functioning & the  frustration of a parent when they scale back earlier vigilance, which can feel like abandonment

• Emotionally – because of the fear,  this ambivalence can lead to tantrums, sadness & anger, as in the “terrible 2s”. The child may cling to transitional objects, like a special blanket or toy, & will use earlier defense mechanisms, such as splitting important ‘objects’ into good vs. bad, to deal with the demands of leaving babyhood

Risk : that mother will either be annoyed by this clinging & become impatient, or be over-protective, or withdraw – leaving the child feeling unsafe. Too much of any of these parental reactions creates fear of total disconnection leading to death – setting an emotional tone for life  = constant anxiety.

IMP:  Some ACoAs get stuck at this stage, afraid to stay & afraid to leave! Without Recovery, it can shows up as “Push-Pull / Come here – Go away” in adult relationships

Rapprochement sub-phases (the ideal) 
i. Beginning – A desire to share discoveries with the mother
ii. Crisis – Torn between staying with parent to feel emotionally close vs. being more independent, as child begins to explore on its own

iii. Solution – the Crisis is resolved by the child’s newly forming personality, from its fledgling use of language, developing superego & interactions with the personality of the ‘good-enough’ mother (if available)

iv. Open-ended – at best, this resolution will allow the child to keep growing towards ‘Object Constancy‘. It can then hold on to its own identity of being separate from everyone else, while staying mental / emotionally connected to others, whether with them or not.
IF this process is available in the family, it will minimize the terrible pain of anxiety, aloneness, isolation, being ‘different’ or feeling unloved.

NOTE: For ACoAs to be fully ‘integrated’ (healthy adults) we need to resolve this stage – staying connected to others while holding on to our identity, no matter how we’re being treated !

4. CONSOLIDATION Phase (by age 3)
Object constancy is formed when the child’s split image of ‘good & bad mother’ is consolidated into a stable internal image (but only possible if the parent is healthy), which comforts the child in her absence. D.K.Lapsley & P. Stey

Adolescence (Second half of S & I)
This is the time to shift from blindly following the internalized caretakers, to gradually forming a distinct & unique sense of Self.  It slowly reduced the teen’s dependence on the Parental Introject for approval, self-esteem & rules. They have to learn to take over the tasks of self-regulation, self-definition & self-esteem.

• Emotionally,  the teen needs the opportunity to mourn the loss of childhood dependence & safety, as it deals with the old ambivalence between having limited rights & freedom, vs earlier narcissism of “I’m all-powerful” which was originally needed to cope with the lack of ego-strength & self-confidence.

IN ADULTHOOD (Vesna Andjelkovic)
Even though legitimate S & I continues to build on previous adult experience, it is not a copy of childhood stages. Some midlife tasks are TO gradually :
🔸accept the aging process of the body
🔸come to terms with time limitation & personal death
🔸maintain sexual intimacy
🔸build & maintain friendships
🔸exercise & relinquish power in the workplace
🔸change relationships with grown children by letting them go, & connect to new family members
🔸enjoy becoming grandparents
🔸care for aging & dying parents

NEXT: Lack of Individuation