satir’s computer role

Satir’s COMPUTER Role

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isolation I’M SAFE IN MY IVORY TOWER – so you can’t touch me

PREVIOUS: BLAMER Role

 

3. COMPUTERS (C) – a Twisted form of Intellect
STYLE: About 15% of the population uses this defense
✶ At first glance they may seem poised & self-assured, but do not mistake them for someone who is centered, grounded & calm. If they were, Along with being fun of info, they’d also radiate presence, warmth, & compassion. Instead, Computers make others feel put off, cold & distant
THEY :
• are detached, like a machine, talk in a monotone or boring delivery
• are always thinking, evaluating, holding back, reserved, self-protective
• always very correct, very reasonable, very logical & in control – called Mr Cool or StarTrek’s Mr Spock by NPL-ers
• can sound like a dictionary, need to use the ‘right’ words as buffers to hide inner feelings
THEY :
• continually stay in teaching mode OR withdrawn into contemplation
computr type• deflect any personal responsibility, always dissociated from what’s going on around them
• deny the value of everything except ‘facts’ & logical decisions
• focus on & prefer the context of a situation, removing the human element
THEY :
• generalize, omit/ delete relevant parts of a thought, use long abstract words, speak in the 3rd person (“Someone needs to do it”)….. especially when questioned or confronted
• never let anyone know what they think or are up to, never commit to a definite position, afraid to make a mistake or not knowing something
• often make value judgments without indicating whose opinion it is, implying that = naturally everyone would agree

Unfortunately considered an ideal for men who are generally discouraged from experiencing & expressing emotions, so Computers work hard to appear super-cool on the outside, even when churning like mad on the inside.
Suitable for accountants & bureaucrats.

Energetic Description (from Dr.MJ Bulbrook)
• block out others & the situation they’re in, by creating rigid boundaries.  Personality is undeveloped & has energy holes. Spiritually Cold
• Potential harm to receiver: the shielding energy of the Computer is so strong it’s likely impossible to have an even exchange. Another’s opinion is not heard, or is over-ridden without considering the value of the other’s input

Statements: “I am ultra-reasonable, calm, cool & collected. I have all the answers.  Rational thinking is superior to emotion. I say the right words, with no feeling, don’t react. Perhaps we should take a moment to step back & review the situation”

Stance: Auditory & digital cues (analytical, disconnected language)
• body is faced square on or may be tilted back a little, resting on rear leg
• head level, eyebrows slightly pulled in, arms crossed under chin to prop head up (like the‘Thinker’)
computer brain• physically separate themself from any issue there uncomfortable with
• can take on characteristics of other Roles as additional protection
• experience tension in neck & shoulders
• sit rigidly, without moving a muscle – pushing away feelings & people
• talk to themself, only learn things by making ‘sense’ of them

Gain Power: by pretending to know it all & making the audience seem dumb.  Similar to Blamers, since they both stress their superiority over others
Aim: to provoke envy & be seen as strong (hide feeling weak) so others will be drawn to ally with them

Reacting to a Computer: (via NLP) if you use a Blamer or Placating stance, they will switch to Blamer or Placater – the reverse of your strategy. Then you can recalibrate. The Distracter stance usually makes them worse

Reality: Computer types feel exposed when showing emotions, maybe because they have a hard time controlling their Es. They were probably shamed, blamed or emotionally overwhelmed as kids for having feelings
• When stressed, Computers desperately try to feel secure by intellectualizing everything, to stop from falling apart in case a real emotion ever broke through

Negative: • assumed to be cold-hearted & insensitive
• bore people to numbness by pontificating & using abstract
language or cliches
• can’t connect emotionally in any relationships
• can’t give love or provide the other’s legitimate needs – causing many problems & end up isolated
• male Computers frustrate any attempts women make to communication feelings, & just can’t understand why “she’s getting so upset when I’m being so reasonable!”

Positive: A good person to go to when needing specific, detailed info on an topic (research, medical, school work, travel…), anything not emotion-related.

NEXT: Distracter Role

PURPOSE of Emotions : Awareness (Part 1)

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EMOTIONS GIVE IMPORTANT INFO
– how I feel & respond to the world

PREVIOUS: Communication #2

Review post : “Getting to our Es – Over”

SEE Acronyms Page for abbrev.

1. SOCIAL NEEDS

2. INDIVIDUAL NEEDS
a. To Feel ALIVE
The over-all purpose of Emotions (Es) is to experience & get the most out of life.
They are spontaneous responses to everything inside & outside of ourself. They’re what make us feel alive – both the thrills & chills – telling us who we are BY how we feel about our experiences. The more an event or person means to us, the more intense our emotional response to them.

“NORMAL”:  A healthy, integrated life includes having access to a full range of Es. They are meant to surface temporarily & then pass thru us, so we can feel other ones as we go thru our daily routine. When an emotion is experienced to the fullest & allowed to run its course, it dissolves like smoke but remembered with a smile – even if it was unpleasant !

positive psych• Positive Psychology tells us that psychological satisfaction & well-being come from participating in activities that boost pleasant Es, which then allow us to discover & use our character strengths & virtues.
It offers 4 broad pathways that can enhance these Es, in order to experience happiness more often – PATH OF : joy & pleasure, love & relationships, peace & tranquility, hope & resilience

DAMAGE: Without Es we would be like robots (“Computer Role”). Anyone who is physically healthy but emotionally cut off has trouble identifying with other people’s feelings, & so can do a lot of harm – usually unaware.
If someone’s damage is not too severe (like NPDs & psychopaths are) their emotional numbness can be modified, if they’re willing to do the ‘thawing out’ work.(Secretly angry ‘nice’ people)

A medical parallel can be made with autistic people, who have a disability in recognizing facial & body cues. (“The Body & Es, Part 2”) This limits their capacity to identify Es in others & therefore hard to make ‘normal’ emotional attachments & social connections.
However, autistic people do have feelings, & if taught early in life to identify physical cues, they can lead more satisfying lives, & others will be more comfortable around them.

b. For SELF-AWARENESS
The “Self-Perception Theory” & “Cognitive Appraisal Theories of Emotion” suggest that we figure out how we feel about things, by staying awake & observing ourselves. This allows us to access Inner Guidance, using Es as indicators of what’s good & bad for us, & therefore what our needs are

But each person differs in the amount of the ‘things’ that suit us, so that some people require more sleep, stimulation, space, quiet…. than others. One person may need freedom & independence while another security & continual social connections. Some may have a need to ‘understand’ life & satisfy a great curiosity, while others are content to accept whatever they’ve been taught (EXP :  “The 5 Love Languages“)

Es also alert us when any natural, normal need is not being met. They are a signal for us to pay attention & deal with the lack – hopefully by doing something appropriate & empowering. So, when we feel:
• lonely – we’re not connected (enough) with others
• afraid – we don’t feel safe, for self or loved ones
• rejected – we aren’t being accepted, respected, valued….

REALISTICALLY, we would’t fare well in life without any Es
– How long could we physically survive if we never felt fear?
– Why would we want to apologize for hurting someone if guilt was not available?
– How could we miss the company of others if we couldn’t feel loneliness?
– Why would we want to help someone in dire need, without empathy?3 Es

ACoAs grew up in environments where our Es were constantly minimized, invalidated & punished, making is very hard to get our legitimate human needs & distresses taken seriously.
It taught us to not trust our feelings, nor believe in the right to have needs, even though they never go away – until met. (EXP: You’ll feel hungry until you eat, be tired until you sleep, scared until comforted…)

🔸In reaction, some of us increased the intensity of our Es & how we express them (dramatically, which is not crazy), desperately trying to be heard.
🔹Others decreased the strength & expression of most or all Es (withdrawn & invisible), making it hard to be seen & appreciated, leaving us even more emotionally ‘starved’!

NEXT: Awareness #2