self-help

SYMPTOMS of Co-Dep Anger – toward others

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WICs communicatingI’VE GOT TO BE NICE
so they won’t see my anger

PREVIOUS: Symptoms- in us

SITE: Co-Dependency  (includes characteristics Qs)

<— Inner children in adults


IMPORTANT: as you scroll thru these various lists (this & the previous), do NOT use them to berate yourself. If they are primarily psychological rather than medical, they tell us our degree of woundedness, embodied in the False Self. We did not cause these patterns, but it is our choice & option to correct them, a little at a time.

• Looking at Plutchik’s “Emotion Wheel” – we see that anger & fear are opposites – so:
— if we are only aware of or act from being anxious, depressed, feeling like a victim – we’re hiding intense anger we’re afraid to admit to
— if we are in a continual state of anger, rage, resentment & hostility – we are denying feelings of sadness, vulnerability, hopelessness & fear

NOTE: Some things in the list will seem counter-opposite, but can in fact be different sides of the same person, like – act Superior on the outside, feel Inferior on the inside, calm on the surface, but roiling inside…..
ALSO – you don’t need to identify with everything to say you’re hiding rage, & as stated above, some of these things can be caused by sources other that repressed Es (medication, temporary intense stressors, a major illness….).
See —- upcoming — statements which signal indirect anger

How CO-DEPENDENTS behave
Behaviors
• anticipate needs of others & supply them before being asked
• do much more than you’ve been asked
• ‘love-buy’ – overspend on gifts, tips, treats
• overly-kind (one of the subtlest forms of anger – think of Dexter, TV‘s good-guy serial murderer bringing donuts to work)
• overly responsible at work, trouble delegating
• put yourself at risk rather than refuse someone’s request
• rarely buy anything for yourself
• women often financially support their spouse
screen-shot-2017-02-24-at-11-41-20-pm

 Communication
• agree with everything others say, or just smile
• complain to everyone about your relationship dissatisfaction except to the one involved
• laugh at jokes that are not funny or you’ve heard many times
• listen endlessly to other people’s problems & complaints, who never do anything to improve their life
• mistake honest, respectful dialogue for malicious confrontation
• only hint, obliquely, at what you want or don’t like
• patronize (as in the Southern phrase “Bless your heart!”)
• repress, deny, ignore true thoughts & emotions (dishonesty)
• won’t speak up against disrespect or abuse (Bystander)

Relationships
• cause many ‘little problems’ that irritate your partner, & then seem surprised
• don’t say what you want, like, need…. but expect others to mind-read
• don’t go places or do things if your mate isn’t available or interested – then sulk, complain, cold-shopeople-pleaseulder
• imagine worst-case scenarios even when things are going well
• go to any length to not rock the emotional boat
• keep attracting partners that are overtly angry, P-As & narcissist, so you can keep being secretly angry – at them
• keep bringing up old complaints with children or mates
• keep recycling old ways of dealing with complicated situations, without looking for better alternatives / options
• pick & stay with addicts, so you can fix them (control)
• refuse to leave harmful or ‘dead’ relationships, & make the other person responsible for ending it
• re. sex – women – refuse to ask for what you want/like, never initiate, undermine mate’s sense of adequacy & skill, refuse to respond, lack of desireat risk
• take a partner ‘hostage’ by needing them so much you can’t live without them, make them your whole world
• terrified of being dominated, & weakly try not to be, but  unconsciously act dependent, indecisive, unsure, non-assertive, with weak or no boundaries
• withdraw from anyone you like, if it will prevent conflict – without explanation

NEXT: Co-Dep behavior #1

Co-Dependent Anger-Niceness (Part 3)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , ,

over-giving
THEY NEED ME, THEY NEED ME!
If I can carry them, I’ll be loved

PREVIOUS: Secretly angry-nice #1

SITE: Article 1 // Article 2

 

KINDNESS vs Angry-NICENESS
True Kindness is a positive trait, coming from an inner place of abundance – the person having enough of their needs & wants met from their healthy family, themself & in the world. It allows them to be reasonably happy with their life, but not complacent. As a result, they can be thoughtful & generous, without needing or expecting a return.

This satisfaction translates into relating positively to others, but not a as pushover, victim or martyr. AND developing a safe support system carries them thru hard times – showers or storms  – which happen to us all.  Being a genuinely kind person is never a liability when it’s an outgrowth of personal strength, emotional stability & humanity.   nice neighbors

True Kindness is totally the opposite of co-dependence. It honors our own needs & values, expressing this to others so they know where they stand with us.
Sometimes healthy kindness is uncomfortable. Sometimes it means saying ‘No” to someone’s request or demand, because it’s not good for us, or not good for them – like not giving money to an active addict, not spending the night with a stranger, not over-doing when sick or tired….

NOTE:  Our True Self may indeed be helpful, caring & kind. And for wounded people who want to scrub off the False Self layer, with enough Recovery we who are ‘natural helpers’ can find a balance between legitimate giving & appropriate self-care.
Other personality Types can finally uncover & admit that ‘helping’ is not really their style at all – they need more privacy & solitude to fulfill healthy goals & natural talents.
ARTICLE:”For Everyone who has been called ‘Too Nice’.” Re. Positive niceness!!

Co-dependent Fake Niceness
Most people occasionally need to hide their anger behind the face of politeness –  especially when it’s the only way to protect oneself.  This is normal.
Here we’re focusing on suppressed-anger-niceness as a way of life. It’s a defense mechanisms, one of many ways damage shows up, used to disguise unhealed wounds of the past. Childhood abandonment always leaves us with a great deal of anger, which ‘nice’ people turn in on themself. Lacking genuine self-esteem, we latch on to others so we can manipulate them into providing our many unmet needs, instead of working to develop these for ourself.

Co-Dep is an outgrowth of self-hate, which tells us that we caused our own pain, from birth – on. And according to this distorted thinking, if we caused it then we surely can cure it. This is the WIC’s sense of false power, who is convinced it can control how we’re  treated – by being extra good – no, perfect!   (opposite of Al-anon’s 3 Cs)
But all we end up doing is twisting ourself into whatever pretzel we think others want, and trying to fix people who are the least likely to change – the narcissists & addicts around us who are too self-absorbed to even see us, much less care. Neither effort ever works!

In reality we could not possibly have caused any of our early suffering, since the damaged adults who raised us were already fully formed before we arrived!  It’s not fair that we have to clean up the mess they left us with, but we do have the ability to heal much of it to better out life. Yet many people are unwilling to shed deep-seated defenses, since it would mean dealing with the original wounds that caused a need for them.

Without a strong inner core of self-esteem, clear thinking & good boundaries, hoe we interact with others is not ‘clean’. At the very least, the surface agreeableness of our angry-niceness is a pretense. At the extreme, being overly-sweet, overly-solicitous, overly-helpful hides our anger , but will come out sideways.

Actually, our carefully controlled actions are basically self-serving, because we’re only being ‘so good’ as a way of conning others into taking care of us – emotionally, psychologically – & often in all 4 PMES way. Whether or not we’re aware of our compulsive patterns is not the point. (See Part 1 re. Selfishness).too helpful

If you’re still actively Secretly-Angry, you want to be seen as a kind person, in spite of how you feel inside, because society considers that a virtue. And being desperate for positive strokes, you assume that’s what is always required & expected of you. But you’re still living in emotional deprivation, so no amount of people-pleasing will fill the void.
Then, the more you do for others, especially if there’s no acknowledgement or appreciation – the angrier you get. But ‘nice’ people aren’t supposed to get angry – so the feeling transforms into resentments.

NEXT: Co-Dep defined #2

Secretly Angry “Nice” People (Intro-c)

dmtorbi ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

angry inner childI DON’T LIKE
having these feelings!

PREVIOUS: Secretly-angry (Intro-a)

SITE: Emotions are NOT Bad Behavior
(What we needed as kids)

 

Ways we AVOID feeling anger :

PERSONAL
• Bury A. under a guise of ‘spirituality’/ good works
• Cling to bad relationships, keep everyone at arm’s length, or avoid all / isolating
• Constantly think about self-improvement, but never risk taking action
• Ignore all uncomfortable emotions // Pretend painful things haven’t happened to us or our loved ones // Ignore RED flags in others
• Live in our head, obsessing // Constantly intellectualize, analyze
• Keep all our conversations superficial, only talk about what we’re Do-íngdistancing
• Keep so busy we never stop to notice emotions
• Talk about everyone else’s business

PHYSICAL 
• Overeat /choose sugary & fatty foods
• Any compulsive behavior (internet, smoking, sex, exercise, shopping, gambling …..) that distracts & numbs us
• Chronic/ auto-immune illnesses, that keep us weak & debilitated
• Excessive use of alcohol, recreational or prescription drugs
• Tight muscles causing headaches, back spasms, shoulder pain, teeth grinding….

HIDDEN ANGER & ANXIETY
Anger – like other Es – can be caused by many different internal & external circumstance (10 posts), in some cases can be an appropriate emotional response to various kinds of harm, & in others cases an over-reaction to a current event that triggers unhealed childhood wounds.

Fear is the survival emotion we feel in our nerves & gut when actually in a dangerous situation, like being high up somewhere, being yelled at or slapped, suddenly get a serious illness, in a car accident, being fired…..fight/flight

Anxiety
— future oriented:  It’s what we feel leading up to a (real or imagined) dangerous, stressful or threatening situation – like anticipating going to the dentist, waiting to see the boss, in line at the airport…. And some people are born with a particularly sensitive nervous system, predisposing them to be more intensely affected by stressors, especially as children

— past oriented: It’s the suppressed psychic energy of rage & terror from years of living in chaotic, dangerous environments, which is now stuck in our body. This  backlog then fuels the fearful thoughts that are behind so much of our present-day worry. So we can connect Anger & Anxiety, 2 sides of the same coin, even tho’ on the surface they seem contradictory, because Anxiety is usually associated with fear, which can make us timid (Flight), while Anger tends to temporarily energize, fueling actions & reactions (Fight).

INTERESTING: Anxiety is far from a new concept. In the 4th century BC, Hippocrates wrote that anxiousness is “a difficult disease. The patient thinks he has something like a thorn, something pricking him in his viscera, and nausea torments him.”

EXPs of the anger-anxiety connection
• Irritation: 
Being anxious all the time can make us annoyed & miserable (“Don’t bother me!”), which can lead to more frustration & anger

• Overwhelmed : the anxiety of having too much on our plate, with little or no  help, & already feeling inadequate – can eventually turn to hopeless-silent-anger, at ourselves or at others, or both

• Loss of Control
: Being out of control for a long time is very painful & draining. But having to suppress our rage about it for many years creates its own anxiety – making us scared of ‘loosing it’, of not being able to hold it all down – because if were to let the rage out it might severely hurt others

• Blaming: 
Continually being in unhealthy relationships leaves us with plenty of anger. If it’s unsafe to admit or expres it, it gets turned in on ourselves as S-H. When this becomes too great to bear, it gets projected out onto the world – usually towards everyone except the ones who originally injured us – passing blame for our woes onto others as a way of explaining the anxiety.

NEXT: Issues for angry-nice people #1

Secretly Angry “Nice” People (Intro-a)

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secretly nice -1I ALWAYS HAVE TO ACT NICE
to hide how angry I really am

PREVIOUS: Multiple Intelligences #3e

POST: “What about Anger?”

 

REVIEW
Our culture does not support, tolerate or excuse expressing anger in obvious ways – except when participating in or watching sports, or being drunk! Oh right, the BIRDS can be angry – but not humans! One reason is that most people assume there’s only one way to let it out – explosively, dangerously – which of course scares other people, since it can be physically & emotionally unsafe.
But it’s not the only way (“Ways to react” posts).

Since everyone was born with the ability to feel anger (A.), just as we have the natural capacity to experience all the other Es – in varying degrees – each of us figures out how to deal with it, based on our personal tendencies & what we copied or learned as kids.

BTW : The Enneagram triad GUT numbers▼ related to Anger are #8, 9 & 1, Each expresses anger & aggression in a nuanced way :
#8 – it’s externalized, acting automatically, & when pushed – reacts blindingly fast
— angry 8s will think in caricatures or temporarily blank out (9 levels)
#9 – repress A., processing it unconsciously, ignore it by idealizing everything
— repressed 9s tend to get mentally fuzzy, or go into long ramblings (9 levels)
#1- use the superego to represses it, then it comes out as being righteous
— compulsive 1s tends to think only in black & white (9 levels)

In our society, A. is usually called a ‘negative’* emotion – even by the best regarded teachers, writers & therapists. This is wrong!
This misnomer comes from NOT separating the TEA components:
❤️ The Emotion itself (physical energy & information about our environment), vs.
💀 the way we frame it in our Thinking (acceptable or unacceptable), vs.
✍🏽 how we Act on it – Positively or Negatively.

*The EMOTION of Anger itself should never be designated as a negative! It is not only blatantly inaccurate to do so, but does it a great injustice – because A. gives vital information about bad things happening to us or around us. NO emotion is negative, only harmful thoughts & actions are! Anger is a necessary & appropriate reaction to 3 main things:
✔︎ being scared, being frustrated & being hurt (such as threatened, ignored, disrespected….). (see T.E.A. // ‘Feelings aren’t facts’ )

★ And anger is a healthy response to any abuse & deprivation of very real needs (attention, safety, respect, love, freedom, encouragement, comfort….)

Normally, Anger can be:
• an immediate response to a particular situation, or
• gradually built up from a series of real or perceived injustices or threats, or
• a slow escalation from long-term abuse, neglect, or being treated unfairly

Emotionally HEALTHY Nice People have good self-esteem. They are:
• direct, clear & positive in communication & behavior
• happy, self-assured, assertive, confident, relaxed, easy
• well-behaved, socially appropriate, well-mannered, generous
• thoughtful, helpful, kind, loyal, respectful, sensitive to others

But when someone doesn’t have any safe outlet for their anger, it will go underground. It becomes a part of our ‘Shadow“,  (aspects of ourselves we find unacceptable) so we reject & push the anger into the unconscious.
However, the emotion never goes away on its own – until it’s expressed in safe ways and by fixing the causes, if possible. Instead, it stays locked in our muscles, ligaments, organs & auras. (See ‘Symptoms‘)
Over time, this trapped energy will become too big to be contained & will end up coming out sideways!

Freud once likened anger to the smoke in an old-fashioned wood-burning stove: Normally, the smoke goes up the chimney, safely away. But if this is blocked up, the smoke will leak out – thru the grate, under the door, thru the vents…. choking everyone in the house. It needs to be cleaned out. But if all avenues of escape stay blocked, the fire will eventually go out, making the stove useless.

In the same way, blocking up the natural flow of our anger-energy becomes harmful to self and others. If we shut it down for too long, it puts out our internal fire, & makes us ineffective. We need a safe outlet for all emotions.

NEXT: Secretly angry nice people (Intro-b)

MULTIPLE Intelligences – Spiritual (Part 6)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , ,

Spiritual growthTHE DEEPER MY INSIGHT,
the more I connect with the universal

PREVIOUS: M.I. (Part 5)

SITE: Gardner’s M.I. apps for iPads

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

 

MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES (cont)
8. SPACIAL/VISUAL (picture-smart)

9. SPIRITUAL / EXISTENTIAL (spirit-smart) – seeing the big picture. Likely a whole-brain function, which is increased by prayer & meditation, because they lessen the blood flow to the parietal lobes, which normally gives us a sense of time & space.

This group is concerned with the morals, ethics & values of life, looking for real-world understanding, & the application of new learning. They have the sensitivity & capacity to tackle deep questions about human existence, such as the meaning of life, how did we get here, what’s our purpose, & why do we die. They’re not afraid to look into the depths of truth to find hidden answers, & to think of other possibilities.

Being particularly introspective, aware of their own existence, they’re drawn to exploring existential & philosophical questions, including what may lie beyond death. Even as ‘every-day’ people, they have deep thoughts. They understand their role in others’ lives, and how they play a small but important part of the whole game. They are in constant search for their purpose of living.
SPIRITUALThey:
— are sensitive to different cultural environments
— are “universalistic”, value truth & justice
— enjoy discussing questions @ life & death
— learn new things better when it’s value is known
— more tolerant  & respectful of diversity
— relaxation or meditation exercises are rewarding
— religion or spirituality is important to them
— see their role in the ‘big picture’ of things
— seem “wise beyond their years”, peaceful
— want to make a difference in the world

For centuries philosophers have been debating the nature of human intelligence. We are different from the other animals, but why? Do we have a soul? Is there some sort of duality between the corporeal flesh and the mind or spirit? Did we acquire our unique capacity for rational thought and all that goes with it as a result of some special act of creation or did it just happen as a result of evolution through natural selection?

Dr. Gardner divided this category into:
Existential Intelligence
— an ability to intuitively sense & gather clues from the environment (PPT = people, places, things), contributing to the whole picture
— the ability to pick up energies & have access to information without actually being able explain exactly why or how we know these things
— concerned with ultimate issues, the larger spiritual concerns of life

Moral-Ethical Intelligence
— an innate sense of morality, not necessarily associated with religion, but as a statement about the kind of personality, individuality, will, and/or character that a person has developed
— focused on the highest realization of human nature.

VIRTUES8 virtues
Conscience – know the right, decent way to act, & act that way
Empathy – identify with & feel other people’s concerns
Fairness – choose to be open-minded, & act in a just way
Kindness – show concern for the welfare & feelings of others
Respect – value others by treating them in a courteous, considerate way
Self-control – regulate thoughts & actions , to stop internal pressure & external reactions & act in the right way
Tolerance – respect everyone’s dignity & rights, even if they have beliefs & behaviors we disagree with

CAREERS : life coach, cosmologist, prophet, philosopher, religious teacher, poet
INCREASE ability : make connections between book-learning & the world outside, see the big picture, look at every issue from different points of view, relate specific topics with national & global concerns

TECH ideas: Google earth, Discovery Education, Podcasts, GarageBand, Powerpoint, Keynote
FAMOUS Peopl e: Jesus, Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Martin Heidegger, Buddha, St. Augustine, Wayne Dyer.

BOOK: “Ethical Intelligence” by Bruce Weinstein, PhD   // REVIEW  //  QUIZ

* * * * * * * * * * *
WORK: There’s a natural correlation between the M.I. categories of human learning
& the knowledge & skills needed for 21st century workplace productivity.  This CHART shows the way each mental style contributes it’s specialty to modern-day tasks.
«wok & M.I.s

«
NEXT : Comment on ACRONYMS

MULTIPLE Intelligences – Nature (Part 5)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , ,

nature loversI LOVE OPEN SPACES
inside & outside!

PREVIOUS: Multiple intelligences (Part 4)

SITE: “The Heart’s Code – tapping the wisdom & power of our hear energy”
~ Paul P. Pearsall


MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES (cont)
6. MUSICAL/RHYTHMIC (musical-smart)

7. NATURALIST (nature-smart) – respond to the natural environment.
This group is sensitive to all living things (plants, animals) & other features of the natural world (clouds, rock formations, minerals) – due to a highly developed sensory perception. This ability was clearly of value in our historical past as hunters-gatherers & farmers, and continues into today for chefs, horticulturists, scientists….. Also used by consumers to make choices from the overwhelming variety of brands in the marketplace.

As young people they enjoy shows & stories about animals or natural phenomena. May show a strong interest in astronomy, biology, botany, geology, meteorology, paleontology or zoology. They feel most alive when in contact with nature, & so are interested in exploring, nurturing & preserving the environment.

The repetition & boredom of office, factory & other workplaces can stifle creative thinking. This is because the brain-area that stores routines / patterns based on daily activities (basal ganglia) does not encourage new thinking. To give imagination a boost, we can tap into our latent Naturalistic I. whenever /wherever possible – like sometimes going barefoot . Nature helps stir insights & connections, to nurture our mind & encourage sensory awareness!
They:
NATURALIST— are bothered by pollution, sensitive to weather
— automatically categorize or collect things
— collect natural things (rocks, feathers, shells….)
— enjoy studying plant parts & reading about nature
— have a green thumb, garden, photograph landscapes
— highly aware of surrounding, even subtle changes
— keep notebooks, dry flowers, create specimens
— like to learn names of all kinds of living things
— like to play in/live by water, be in the wilderness
— love walks in the woods, follow animal footprints
— passionate about animals, pets, zoos
— prefer being in nature preserves, parks, forests

ENJOY: being outdoors & with animals
LEARN: By using the senses, watching animal behavior, experiencing, identifying & recording ecological principles
TOOLS: binoculars, magnifying glass, microscopes, telescopes

CAREERS: Scientist, ecologist, animal trainer, farmer, traditional medicine man using herbal remedies (MORE….)
INCREASE ability : be in the great outdoors: plant a seed, volunteer at an animal shelter, take a walk with a naturalist, read about animal classifications . Study relationships in the natural world, compare/contrast groups or make connections to real life issues

TECH ideas: Discovery Education, online encyclopedias, Google earth, virtual explorations, iMovie, digital cameras, iPods, video cameras
FAMOUS People: Charles Darwin, John Muir, George Washington Carver, Rachel Carson, J.J. Audubon, Jacques Cousteau

* * * * * * * * * * * *
8. SPACIAL/VISUAL (picture-smart) – think in images & pictures.
This group has the ability to think in 3 dimensions – imagine, understand & represent the visual-spatial world. They can orient themselves in their environment with either vision or touch, navigate the world as well as determine the perspective of others.

As young adults they may be fascinated with mazes, jigsaw puzzles, or spend free time drawing or daydreaming. Compared to Auditory-Sequential learners, they tend to be late-bloomers.
Core capacities include mental imagery, spatial reasoning, image manipulation, graphic and artistic skills & an active imagination.  EXP: know exactly how furniture will fit into a room without measuring, or buy a scarf that beautifully matches/complements the blue in a blouse you have at home (perfect “chromatic pitch”).
Includes street smarts & common sense, by making decisions based on matching a variety of situations & contexts. This requires learning & remembering almost simultaneously (fluid & crystalline), possible because of a switchboard in the brain.
SPACIAL : VISUALThey:
— build interesting 3-dimensional objects
— can rotate, transform & otherwise manipulate objects
— daydream, imagine & pretend more than others
— enjoy art & other visual activities
— good at formulating hypotheses
— have good hand-eye coordination
— like machines, drawing figures
— need to doodle or draw
— notice details, good with maps & directions
— prefer geometry over algebra

ENJOY: art, designing, drawing, imagination games, illustrated books, movies, puzzles, trips to art galleries / museums, visualizing
LEARN: visually & by organizing ideas spatially, verbal & physical imagery. Need to see concepts in action to understand them.
TOOLS: charts, 3-D modeling, drawings, graphics, photographs, TV/ video, multimedia

CAREERS: architect, film director, chess player, painter, pilot, sailor, sculptor (MORE…)
INCREASE ability: change main color of work or home environment, be a backseat driver & provide directions for a trip, fit groceries in back of car, do jigsaw puzzles & mazes, sculpt clay, play chess. Capture ideas on video. Take an architecture course. Use PechaKucha to stimulate & challenge (embraced by all types of designers)

TECH ideas: Kid Pix, Draw and paint programs, Excel, Create A Graph, United Streaming, Visual brainstorming, organizational tools, charting, diagramming, bubbl.us, gliffy, YouTube, Discovery Education, Comic Life, Quicktime, add music to presentations and movies, Podcasts, iPhoto, Photo Booth, Read Write Think: timeline

FAMOUS People: Winston Churchill, Einstein, Picasso, Stanley Kubrick, Anatoly Karpov (chess master), Georgia O’Keefe

NEXT: Multiple intelligences (Part 6)

MULTIPLE Intelligences – Logic (Part 4)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

music / mathI’M GOOD AT CALCULATING
the odds & ‘hearing’ patterns!

PREVIOUS:

 Multiple Is (Part 3)

SITE: “World needs all kinds of music”
~ TED talk by Temple Grandin

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES (cont)
4. LINGUISTIC (word-smart)

5. LOGICAL-MATHEMATICAL (number/ reasoning-smart) – learn by reasoning things through.
This group has the ability to look for patterns, making connections between many & diverse pieces of information. They can then calculate & quantify that info to carry out complex mathematical operations, & create hypotheses or propositions. To foster creative problem solving they analyze, predict & manipulate real-world models.

They ask lots of questions, are always curious about natural events & the world around them, like to carry out studies & can handle long chains of reasoning to predict ‘local progressions’ (an increase in something). As young adults they’re drawn to arithmetic problems, strategy games & experiments. This is a less commonly seen Intelligence – since not everyone is automatically good at math, or they don’t give themselves the chance to develop their math-reasoning potential.
They:
math / logic — are better at budgeting, balancing the checkbook
— can reason their way into winning every argument
— comfortable w/ numbers, logic, reasoning, abstractions
— enjoy putting things in order, creating schedules
— generate and use abstract thoughts
— get frustrated by disorganization
— have a sense of cause & effect
— like reading about scientific discoveries
— like to solve mysteries & ask cosmic questions
— try to find logical solutions to problems
— use inductive & deductive logic
— use sequential reasoning skills
— usually good with computers & lots of gadgets
— will try to figure out how broken things work or untangle messes

ENJOY: calculating, experimenting, logic puzzles, questioning, science museums, things to explore and think about
LEARN: through logic games, investigations, mysteries. Need to learn & form broad concepts before dealing with details
TOOLS: pencil/paper, computers

CAREERS: accountant, programmer, detective, engineer, mathematician, researcher /scientist (MORE….)
INCREASE ability: books of logic games, knit a sweater, watch a video movie & stop it to predict what will happen. Learn computer programming languages, try critical-thinking activities, linear outlining, Piaget’s cognitive stretching exercises, science-fiction scenarios, logic puzzles. Article: “Your brain on numbers”

TECH ideas: Excel, Numbers, Logo, create a survey with Survey Monkey
FAMOUS People: Albert Einstein, Niels Bohr, John Dewey, Stephen Hawking,
Leonhard Euler, Alan Turing (WWII computer genius)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
6. MUSICAL/RHYTHMIC (musical-smart) – think in rhythms & melodies.
This group can recognize, reflect on, create & reproduce music. It’s the capacity to discern pitch, rhythm, timbre & tone. As young adults they’re usually singing or drumming to themselves, very aware of sounds others may miss.
There’s a connection between music and emotions, & between music and math – which share thinking processes. Playing, singing, dancing or even listening to music can help the brain form or combine ideas in new ways.
Moving to music is beneficial, since music moves brain waves. At Karaoke, our brain anticipates songs on CD we’ve chosen, so “excitatory signals pass from the prefrontal cortex to the premotor cortex, preparing the body to act”.

Playing an instrument improves associative thinking, helping to choose our actions from a variety of options – which requires accessing stored info about a great many ‘sequences’ of activities (crystalline – Part 1a), allowing us to predict possible outcomes.
Music can be used to improve work productivity or change our mood – any time. Interestingly, some rhythms trigger brain enzymes to give an amazing feeling of well-being. Other tunes leave us punchy, unable to focus. (Different types of music produce.….)
They:MUSIC:Rhythm
— can read music, play a variety of instruments
— can tell if music is off-key or ‘off’ in other ways
— can naturally figure out how to play a tune on an instrument
— easily remember scores & melodies
— enjoy & respond to many types of music
— know the structure of songs to symphonies
— like to hum or sing when on their own
— may study better with music in the background
— more effected by noise & sound than others
— remembers info better if in rhyme or rhythm
— use all the sense to identify musical patterns

ENJOY: humming, listening, singing, tapping hands & feet, whistling
LEARN: by turning lessons into lyrics, speaking rhythmicall.
TOOLS: musical instruments, musical scores, multimedia

CAREERS: audio recording, disc jockey, composer, conductor, musical performer, (MORE….)
INCREASE ability: attend concerts, play an instrument, hum melodies, sing to iPod or with others. Listen to a wide variety of music, be quiet & listen to all sounds everywhere

TECH ideas: iMovie, GarageBand, Audacity, iTunes, iPod, Media Player
FAMOUS People: Beethoven, Mozart, Stevie Wonder, Joni Mitchell, Louis Armstrong, Senegalese musician Youssou N’dour, Yo-Yo Ma

NEXT: Multiple intelligences (Part 5)

MULTIPLE Intelligences – Self (Part 3)

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liguistic / aloneTHE BETTER I KNOW MYSELF
the happier I am & so get along

PREVIOUS: Multiple intelligences (#2)


SITEs: M.I. TESTS
Which I. is your dominant one?

NOTE: See ACRONYM page for abbrev.


MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES (cont)
2. INTER-PERSONAL (people-smart)

3. INTRA-PERSONAL (self-smart) – learn by thinking alone
This group has the capacity to understand themselves – their thoughts & feelings – & use that knowledge plan & guide their life. It’s an internal version of the external Inter-personal style – the ability to be self-aware, explore emotions, goals & motivations, but which also requires a wider understanding of the human condition. Sometimes called ‘learned common sense’, because these people intuitively cultivate their values & learn from ‘teachable’ moments. Even as young adults they are self-motivated, tend to be shy & very aware of their emotions.

NOTE: To fully express this style all the intelligences have to be tapped into & woven together. Self-growth activities build more dendrite brain cells for this Intelligence – the brain being rewired at night as we sleep on what we’ve done during the day
They:
INTRA-P— are highly aware of their strengths & weaknesses
— can ‘show the way’ to deeper awareness by EXP
— do well when left alone, don’t like crowds
— have a strong will, opinions & confidence
— have intuition, drive, self-reliance, wisdom
–‘march to the beat of a different drummer’
— often keep a journal, being in tune with Inner Self
— see the world realistically, not idealistically
— think a lot & deeply, are good at analyzing things
— try to understand their own interests & goals
— work on unraveling dreams, relationships with others

ENJOY: being quiet/ time alone, dreaming, having choices, meditating, planning, self-paced projects, setting goals
LEARN: through study & introspection – the most independent type
TOOLS: books, creative materials, diaries, privacy, time

CAREERS: writer, psychologist, spiritual leader, philosopher (MORE….)
INCREASE ability: to “know thyself” – take personality tests, ask an expert re. things you wonder about. Give a talk to an new audience about self-improvement, or strategies for accomplishing a task. Work on conquering a problem & a keeping a record of growth. Reward yourself when you’ve reached a goal.

TECH ideas: Tutorials, Bubbl.us, slide shows with Powerpoint or Keynote, collaborative Wiki or Blog, Wikispaces, Blogger, Inspiration
FAMOUS People: Jean Paul Sartre, Frederick Douglas, Helen Keller, Malcolm X, Emily Dickinson, Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa

Emotional (EQ), (heart-smart) – learn thru emotions.
Fits into Walter McKenzie’s ‘Introspective learning’ profile, considered part of both the Intra- and Inter-personal styles. RULE: Any event that generates strong emotion is more likely to be remembered.
If pleasurable, we want to repeat it physically, or by mentally reliving the atmosphere, context, people involved, what was said….
If unpleasant or painful, emotional memory will prefer to skip all information related to it. BUT if the harmful events are repeated too often – especially in childhood – we become unconsciously addicted to repeating it.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
4. LINGUISTIC (word-smart) – learn by thinking in words.
This group has the ability to use language to form & express complex ideas. It is the most widely shared human competence – allowing us to make ourselves understood. Traditionally, Linguistic & Logical Is have been highly valued in educational environments. Young adults with this I. enjoy writing, reading, telling stories or doing crossword puzzles.
They:LANGUAGE
— appreciate puns, tongue twisters, nonsense rhymes
— are aware of others’ moods & motivations
— are generally elegant speakers
— are great at storytelling, explaining
— are natural leaders, good at organizing people
— can convince others of their point of view
— can learn languages, grammar & syntax
— enjoy listening to the spoken word
— good memory for names, events, situations
— good with body language, speaking and acting
— have highly developed auditory skills
— think in words rather than pictures

ENJOY: dialogue, debate, reading, telling stories, writing, word games
LEARN: by saying & seeing words, reading & discussing books
TOOLS: books, computers, games, classes, multimedia, tape recorders

CAREERS: author, comedian, journalist, lawyer, poet, politician, speaker, teacher, translator (MORE….)
INCREASE ability: learn a new language, expand vocabulary, create metaphors (making the strange familiar & the familiar strange), do interviews, talk to strangers. Read “On Writing Well”, & to help with word flow – avoid editing as you write. (MORE…..)

TECH ideas : PowerPoint, Pages, Podcasts, GarageBand, Audacity, Skype, ThinkQuest, Wikispaces, photo editing software, Text to Speech, VoiceThread, Blogger, Digital books, Storytelling, Zoom
FAMOUS People: Shakespeare, T.S. Elliot, Maya Angelou, Martin Luther King Jr., Agatha Christie, Hemingway, Robin Williams

NEXT: M.I. (Part 4)

MULTIPLE Intelligences – Body (Part 2)

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body / interpersonalI ALWAYS WONDERED
why I need to keep moving!

PREVIOUS: Multiple intelligences (Part 1b)

QUOTE: “It’s not how smart you are, it’s how you are smart” – Howard Gardner, 1993

REMINDER: See Acronym page for abbrev.

BEAR images from “MargD Teaching Posters”

 

MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES (Howard Gardner)
1. BODILY-KINESTHETIC (body-smart) – learn by moving.
These people process information through physical sensations. Most have the ability to stay graceful & coordinated when using a range of action skills or manipulating objects – unless they have ADD, a physical injury &/or childhood trauma still locked in the body
All emotional responses are rooted in finely tuned body-awareness. EXP – After seeing something intense, they may say: “It was gut wrenching, stomachs turning, heart pounding, took my breath away, I was shaken….
They:
kenesthetic— can mimic easily & well, good sense of ‘timing’
— can train responses to become like reflexes
— communicate emotion through body language
— don’t like to sit still for too long
— have nearly faultless mind-body coordination
— excellent use of space, have great balance
— good with sports and movement
— need to manipulate & handle objects, build things
— often talk with their hands, clown around in class
— prefer hands-on experimentation
— use their hands & whole body when talking

ENJOY: building, dancing, drama, gesturing, running, touching
LEARN: thru physical activity (doing, tasting, making ‘messes’), acting out situations, role-playing
TOOLS: equipment and real objects

CAREERS: athlete, builder, craftsperson, dancer, fire-fighter, gym teacher, surgeon (More..)
INCREASE ability: do yoga, make crafts or build, ride a bike, dance, learn tai chi or any sport, the wave dance, walking tours / hikes, swimming

TECH ideas: Notetaker, navigating through software, WII, iPod Touch, Keyboarding, making video documentaries with iMovie, video or still cameras, record voice & sounds
VALUE of movement: Studies confirms that exercise can reverse age-related decline in the production of neural stem cells in the hippocampus of the mouse brain. Exercise restores a brain chemical which promotes the production & maturation of new stem cells.

FAMOUS People: Gene Kelly, James Brown, Michael Jordan, Martina Navratilova, Jim Carrey, Marcel Marceau
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

2. INTER-PERSONAL (people-smart) – learn by talking with others.
These people are able to get along superbly with others, even as young adults, & are often leaders among their peers. They can see things from another’s point of view, so can understand how they think & feel. Knowing what makes people ‘tick’ can be used to their advantage, such as manipulating to get their own way. But most are considerate & genuinely care about others. They can range from party animals, to fighting for the the underdog, to being indecisive for fear of offending
They:INTRApersonal
— understand & interact well with others
— are effective both verbally & non-verbally
— aware of moods & motivations in others
— can see through dishonesty
— enjoy deep conversations, can build trust
— generally try to keep peace in groups & encourage co-operation
— good at organizing & conflict-resolution
— good listeners, can read body language
— hate injustice, have empathy for others
— hurt when others hurt, will reach out to comfort
— make good leaders, have many friends

ENJOY: community events, clubs, group games, having friends, leading, maneuvering, organizing, relating, talking. Need mentors
LEARN: through dialogues, group activities, seminars.
TOOLS: audio or video conferencing, eMail, phone, time & attention from instructors, writing

CAREERS: celebrity, counselor, diplomat, educator, religious or political leader, salesperson (MORE….)
INCREASE ability : practice active listening by repeating back what you think someone said. Learn about personalities types from Myers-Briggs, Enneagram…. create “dopamine-rich salons,” collaborate by working with someone who has complementary skills, invite someone from another culture to your home

TECH ideas: Simulation games with chat, Skype, online collaboration, Wikispaces, Google Doc, Blogger, chat rooms, ThinkQuest, VoiceThread, Group Powerpoint or Keynote, slide share, Zoom
FAMOUS People: Gandhi, Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, Oprah, Clara Luper (cilvil rights leader), Haley Westenra (UNICF supporter), William Booth (Salvation Army founder)

NEXT: M.I. Part 3

MULTIPLE Intelligences – Intro (Part 1b)

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9 styles of IntellI DIDN’T KNOW 
there was so many options

PREVIOUS:
 Multiple Intelligences (#1)

SITEs : Five New Minds for the New Year (Dec. 2012)
• Your 12 types of Intelligence

 

Multiple Intelligences (M.I.) are mainly about our style of learning.
We may have a dominant one, a mixture, or use a different style for different situations. The most well-know ones are based on our senses (eyes, ears, gut, & less used are tongue & nose). Nor are they fixed – less dominant ones can be developed, & preferred ones enhanced.

• In the 1960‘s, Dr. Howard Gardner, a Harvard Professor of Cognition & Education, revolutionized our understanding of Intelligence (I.).
The inspiration for his theory of Multiple Intelligences (M.I.) came from his work with two distinct groups: stroke victims & children. “Both were clueing me into the same message : that the human mind is better thought of as a series of relatively separate faculties, with only loose & non-predictable relations with one another – rather than as a single, all-purpose machine that performs steadily at a certain horsepower, independent of content & context” (Theory development)

Dr. Gardner’s framework for M.I. offers a practical model for identifying the many paths to learning – regardless of content, skills or desired outcome. He believes that the current list is not exhaustive, & he’s added 7 to them since he first started.  I. is much more than IQ, because it requires useful action to be valid. “Intelligence is a bio-psychological potential to process information that can be activated in a cultural setting to solve problems, or create products that are of value in a culture”.

These 9 Is are expanded in future posts:
• Body /Kinesthetic: interacting with one’s environment
• Inter-personal I.: connecting with others
• Intra-personal I.: self-awareness, values & attitudes
• Linguistic / Verbal: expression thru the spoken & written word
• Logical / Mathematical : problem solving through reasoning
• Naturalistic I.: classifying and categorizing data
• Rhythmic I.: identifying and extending patterns
• Spiritual / Existential: understanding beyond the senses
• Visual / Spacial : the ability to see, envision & imagine
NOTE: Only Linguistic & Logical are measured by old-fashioned IQ tests.

• This list is a way to categorize how humans naturally become aware of, understand & process our environment. This helps us figure out where our weaknesses come from, but mainly they pinpoint natural strengths – seen in our preferred learning, behavior & work styles – so we can make the best use of inborn preferences. Sadly, from ignorance or necessity, many people are in jobs that go counter to those natural preferences.

EXP: A highly Body-Kinesthetic person may be stuck in a Logic desk-job, instead of being able to move around, such as a forest ranger, sports coach, physical therapist, gym teacher…..
— or a Visual / Artistic person in a Linguistic position, instead of being able to dance, paint, act….

• Although each of us can access all 9 styles, no two people have the same amount of each.
— Some people are Mono-endowed, like being able to speak 4 languages – but takes them awhile to calculate a tip, OR someone who’s a whiz with numbers – but are awkward in conversations. If their single talent is honed & monetized, such people can become celebrated for incredible accomplishments
— A few are at the other end of the spectrum, ‘Renaissance’ men or women who can cross-access several Intelligences, superior at almost everything they do
— The rest of us have one or two dominant talents, which serve us well if we have the opportunity to freely express them

• Dr. Gardner tells us that I. involves problem solving – creating ‘products ’ (outcomes) when in a context-rich & natural setting. What many scientists used to think were just soft-skills, such as the Inter-/ Intra-personal ones, Gardener realized were actually types of Intelligences.
EXP: Being a math whiz gives the ability to quantify the world, but so does being people-smart, just from a different perspective. So someone with Intra-Personal talent may not be able to calculate the rate at which the universe is expanding, but will easily find someone who can!
The 9 types also provide a way to recognize & own potentials which many of us left behind in childhood (love for art, computers…), & can now take the opportunity to develop.

BOOSTING Intelligence
Since different areas of Is are related to each other, it’s possible to increase it in one area by developing another, because many problems can be dealt with in more than one way. learning options
— One third-grade teacher found her students’ scores on a math test (logic) nearly doubled after giving them training in visual (spatial) skills with a micro-computer program
— “Early music training (for 3-year olds) prepares young brains for spatial & abstract reasoning skills crucial to engineers, scientists & mathematicians.” ~ study from U of Cal. Irvine
— “An enriched environment that helps very young children develop each area of talent or intelligence is one of the best possible investments in their future” ~ Ron Fitzgerald, D.Ed.

NEXT: Multiple Intelligences (Part 3)