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⬅️ Do any of these sound familiar?
While these apply mainly to someone married to / lives with or has an ex-spouse – who is a narc (N) –
some of these ‘issues’ will come up with family members & friends, as well.
Asking Qs WHY, WHY about other people’s abusive behavior is never going to provide answers you want, nor the peace you long for, because even if you learn everything you can, it will not stop the abuser from continuing their behavior.
If you’re frustrated & confused, it’s normal to want to understand what’s going on. You might be asking WHY:
⁍is she like that? can’t he just love me?
⁍does she keep cheating on me?
⁍did he say that? doesn’t he just stop & listen to me?
⁍can’t she stop triangulating, & admit she’s wrong?
INSTEAD – Since our personal power is NOT outside of ourselves – in dealing with Ns (especially the less obvious ones) – we need to ask the right Qs. It means looking inside.
Inside we hold our True Self – our knowledge, experiences and gifts. BUT it’s also where all our painful emotions & damaging beliefs are – like guilt, shame, fears, rage, self-doubt….
For some of us, going inside feels like walking into a minefield. The main reason is that without Recovery help, we don’t have the life skills or tools to know HOW to deal with intensely painful emotions when they finally surface.
Trauma specialists say that long-term psychological & physical injuries makes it hard to love ourselves, because of distorted self-images. So identifying & slowly correcting self-destructive thoughts keeping us in emotional, spiritual, cognitive, & physical chains, allow our life to expand in amazing ways!
HEALING from narcissistic abuse is an inside job, & we have to work at making it less frightening to go within. Let’s start with a bit of an inventory – in the following 3 charts – to cut through denial & notice alternatives.
Asking the right Qs will put us on the brink of discovering where our True Power lies. The goal is to find ways to clear out old pain, negative thoughts / faulty beliefs, & create new, healthier ideas that net us the results we long for. ASK:
☔︎ about this person drains me?
☔︎ might be at the root of why I keep attracting abusive people?
☔︎ is keeping me locked into an unsatisfying relationship?
💋does this person trigger me? (HINT : childhood abuse)
👅 am I in a relationship that is so frustrating? (it’s familiar)
HOW can I:
🦶🏼free myself from my dysfunction?
🕺🏼manifest the kind of healthy relationship I want & have a right to?
SITE: FAIRY TALE SHADOWS — may articles re. N abuse & healing, including FREE eBook to download : “Taking Back your Life”
COURSE : “Rewrite Your Story After Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships”
NEXT: N Helpers – Bystanders #1