SITE: Extra info per type experts don’t tell us



ENFJ – The GIVER / Teacher / Advocate

Most PERSUASIVE – “Personal cheerleader”
• 1.6% males, 3.3% females

GOAL: To express. 
ENFJs have excellent people skills, believing in ‘people possibilities’ – with a real concern for how others think & feel.  Preferring to ignore unpleasantness, they see everything from the human angle, instead of through impersonal analysis. Interested in being of service, they tend to place the needs of others over their own.

Popular, sensitive & loyal, they’re responsive to both praise & criticism. Externally focused, they usually don’t want to be alone, & so can neglect their need for down-time, although when on their own they may fall into negativity. However, they can also feel lonely when around others, because of hiding parts of themselves.

As leaders, they’re very effective at managing people, moderating group discussions, building consensus & being an inspiration. They see the potential in everyone, interested in helping others reach it. Highly responsible, they can get the most out of teams by working closely with them, & by making decisions that respect & take into account the values of others.

They’re : charismatic, collaborative, compassionate, driven, empathetic, idealistic, manipulative, passionate, supportive, talkative, warm.  And they don’t all want to interfere in your life. (More…)

Hidden Side
ENFJs tend to suffer from a poorer self-image than most E–Js. While their genuine concern for people is in their nature, over-focusing on others can be mislabeled as responsibility when it’s actually used to avoid dealing with their own problems. Coupling a hyper-altruistic tendency with a weaker Si (their Stack’s Tertiary Sensing function) can make a mess of their life, but because their Fe (Primary Feeling function) is image-focused, they tend to be very good at hiding it. And they’re easily prone to vices / addictions, contrary to their goody-2-shoes image painted by most MBTI profiles.

Life’s Purpose: Bring love where there is hate
• Their Law: You shall always fulfill your dreams
• They Comfort others by saying: What’s wrong? Tell me everything – I’m here for you

• They Say: Rules are great – they help us be better people. I am loyal to anyone or anything I respect & admire. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
• Communication:  They’ll definitely start the conversation, & probably guide it too.  They’re warm & encouraging, but can be a bit overbearing. They should stop saying YES.

Weaknesses:  Fluctuating self-esteem, overly idealistic, struggle to make tough decisions, too sensitive, too selfless
Manipulate: Keep on smiling while ‘handling’ others to do what they want them to think/do/feel – but not to worry, it’s for the greater good  🦊
Paradoxes: Totally caring for others, yet their own feelings are more important than anyone else’s. Altruistic and intrusive.
Judge people: by their selfishness  • Fear: not being able to help
• Are Judged for: not being able to see other people’s point of view

Become STRESSED from situations shown in the illustration
ENFJs are likely to be disappointed by relationships they worked so hard to build. They stop being enthusiastic & passionate about those around them, then feel guilty about it. Believing they’re letting their loved ones down, as well as losing themselves, they take over all responsibility, trying to use logic to solve problems.

They obsess about not being seen as empathetic & loving. Highly sensitive to rejection & criticism, they work hard to keep up appearances, while deep inside they feel depressed & joyless.

If the stress continues or increases, ENFJs can be pessimistic, rigid, & insensitive. Become obsessed with escaping their guilt, they impulsively, inappropriately vent bottled-up emotions. Some may even abandon their loved ones or communities altogether, in search of a more inspiring environment.

• Hate: Anyone being closed-off. Being cheated on or abandoned. Cruelty, disharmony, unfairness & people being socially marginalized. Someone being really mean, & the ENFJ realizing they don’t have a sad back-story as an excuse. Asking for Help, because they think they’ll be a burden

Don’t argue with ENFJs when they’re holding: A conversation
• Never antagonize them.   • Never tell them: Your friendship means nothing to me

Don’t assume that you know someone well – when trying to help.
ENFJs talk a lot, & may be discouraged if they don’t get a lot of feedback from others. They also expect everyone else to give as much to tasks as they do, but may overlook logical, factual realities when making decisions.

They find conflict & lack of consensus hard to deal with, so take on the burden of being responsible for others’ success or failure, which gets to be too much. They must work at letting go of control & guilt – permanently, especially when they can’t save someone – which is not the ENFJ’s fault. It’s best if they focus on themselves, since they already have all the intuition & info needed for personal growth.

ENFJs can reduce stress by cultivating their own identity apart from society’s expectations & predefined roles. By exploring & loving their own interests & potential, they become less concerned with public approval. Then they’ll be able to appreciate their considerable talents & gifts, & be open to a wider mix of people & experiences (More….) 

ENFJ Relationships
You quickly understand the emotions of others & focus on encouraging their growth. Partners & friends will see you as gracious, expressive & congenial.

• Thrive in any that: Encourage mutual personal growth (More...)
• As a Friend, you’re the one who’s never available because you’re busy talking to everyone else & doing favors for them

Annoyed when: someone can’t see your point of view

ENFJ Parent, child of ENFJ, ENFJ child

• Still single because: playing the mentor has taken all the mystery out
• Unhealthy behavior: Stalk your S.O.’s ex on social media at 3a.m.

Show interest by: Trying to be ‘perfect’ for them
Show Love: You give time & affection, want to process emotions, explore & grow –  together
• You want to hear: I’m with you

• You’re attractive/sexy because: you have a warm & uplifting spirit – you can’t be missed. Like the sun, you radiate certainty in yourself & your devotion to those you love make you incredibly attractive

• You should DATE someone who: can make you feel loved & cared for, who can take charge if necessary, & surprise you with romantic gestures.

• To attract you someone needs to: act like the bad boy/girl, but shows glimpses of deep emotions. Who’ll make a great effort to figure you out & bring out the best in you.  (More….re. Turn-ons)

• Some Famous ENFJs : Barack Obama, Ronald Regan, Oprah, Diane Sawyer, Dick Van Dyke, King David (Bible), Andy Griffith, Ross Perot, Michael Jordan

NEXT: Co-dep vs Patience

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