ACoAs being ‘RIGHT’ (Part 5c)

whether I’m right or wrong!

PREVIOUS: Being Right #5b

SITE“Why always having to be right can poison your relationships”


IDEAS for changing the aBR pattern (cont)
• When you feel the urge to force your way on a person or situation, decide not to – just this once (each time). Go with the flow & see what happens
Also notice whenever something is actually out of your control.
How does it feel? What can you learn? How can you make it an advantage?? HINT: You can relax more often!
Accept that there’s no such thing as control over PPT, only yourself.
(Modified from ‘Simple Life Strategies‘)

🙀 Every so often admit WHEN you’re actually wrong about something – but not if you’re not! If someone insists you’re wrong about something, & you’re sure about the specific issue, you can say so clearly with our anger OR just smile.
If that’s too scary to contemplate right now,
• you don’t have to say you’re wrong out loud, but consider admitting it some other time – when you feel psychologically/emotionally stronger / safer, OR
• maybe try admitting an error when it’s not about something important to your sense of yourself, & only to someone you know won’t judge you – ever

• notice how often you get upset when someone doesn’t agree with you by implying you’re stupid or wrong). Take a breath, understand it’s either your WIC or PP reacting, & know that insisting on being validated is ‘off’
• if by any remote possibility you conclude you’re truly wrong about something OR triggered by not being acknowledged, just sit with it
do NOT judge yourself & get angry if you are being reactive – just let it be an opportunity to learn more about your Wounded Self

ALSO, saying things like:
“I think I was mistaken about that // Yes, you were right about this // I got that wrong, my bad”…..
….. may come as a shock to you, & to others 🙂 It takes integrity, & is a character-building experience

• Letting go of the BR compulsion is about having the serenity that comes from knowing what you are absolutely sure about & what you actually have control over , as well as accepting that others are in charge of what they think & do.
Remind yourself they have the right to believe what they want, because they have their own point of view & experience. Work on being OK with the fact that not everyone will admit you know more than them or that you’re right – when you are. Maybe they really don’t understand, feel threatened &/or are just being contrary

IMP: Allowing others the right to be whoever they are doesn’t mean going along with whatever they say or do. IF their way of being is unsafe or simply incompatible with you – you don’t have to make them wrong – just keep your boundaries & maybe even keep your distance!

Emotionare your Guidance System
When you’re uncomfortable, or anxious or angry – it could be that:
• something in the present is pushing your old buttons, so your wounded child is being reminded of past abuses & abandonments, OR
• they’re a warning signal that someone is mistreating you – no matter how subtle or indirect, OR
• something deeply important to you is missing from the situation

NEXT: Dealing with disputes Part 1

2 thoughts on “ACoAs being ‘RIGHT’ (Part 5c)

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