I WANT TO STAY WITH HIM
but he only want his freedom
PREVIOUS: Fear of Commitment (#1)
SITE: Overcome fear of commitment
(+ Hypnosis tapes)
SYMPTOMS of FoC
When reading the following list – & holding your WIC – picture something you find hard to commit to – not just relationships, but anything you’re afraid to do or continue with. How many of these items apply? but without S-H!
1. IN OURSELVES
Mental (including CDs)
• focus on bad / scary images & movies about the subject
• obsess about the subject (whatever you’re avoiding)
• trouble thinking about anything other than ‘it’
• are sure you have a fatal illness (aids, cancer…)
• no motivation, can’t make decisions, confused
• scared of fainting, losing control or going crazy
• feel “unreal” – detached, not yourself
Anticipatory Anxiety – persistent worry about upcoming events that involve any form of commitment
Breathing: shortness of breath, smothering sensation, feeling of choking
Compulsion: overwhelming impulse to flee the situation, although the assumed danger is only in your mind – tough to understand or resist
General: hot or cold flashes, temporary muscle weakness
Gut: nausea or stomach distress, diarrhea
Head: dizzy, unsteady, light-headed, faint
Limbs: trembling, shaking, tingling, joint pain
Moods: high levels of Anger, Sadness, Fear, Hurt & Guilt
Physical Apathy: lethargic, depressed, sleepy
Terror: constant overwhelming fear of the ‘issue’
Torso: palpitations, pounding heart, or numbness, accelerated heart rate, chest pain or discomfort
Gamophobia – fear of getting married, because it will inevitably be harmful. It’s found more often in men, because the real or potential harm they fear can have greater consequences socially, financially, legally & personally.
Of course, FoC a very common fear is all categories of ACoAs, & can extend to any relationship, even those we’d like to have.
Old & new painful / traumatic personal experiences &/or observation of the negative effects of domestic violence, divorce, parents never married…. can lead to FEAR of being trapped & abused, an inability to trust, abandonment terror, depression….
• Long-term inability to be feel SAFE /vulnerable & show one’s ‘bad parts’ is a sign of a personality disorder. In severe cases, we may like or love someone, but IF the other person returns our affection & wants to be together permanently, we Gamophobes can easily change our attraction into fault-finding, disdain, even hate.
This is usually done unconsciously, using the other person’s ‘limitations’ as an excuse to push them away. Turning love into hate, or over-valuing & then under-valuing a partner – without an appropriate reason – is a defense mechanism. Often, the sufferer knows their fears are unreasonable or exaggerated, but feel powerless to change.
2. IN OTHERS
FoC in Women – While they’re often portrayed as ‘commitment crazy / hungry’, changes in social & moral rules make it easier for them to act out this fear, no matter how well disguised. (More….) (“She Won’t Commit”).
Women who are socially awkward, have social anxiety, fear of being trapped, or in the closet – can now stay single & not be judged (except by very conservative communities!).
➼ Biggest hint that a “Stayer” type woman is also commitment phobic – repeatedly clinging to ‘unavailable’ partners!
(Love a commitment-phobe? Dating Tips For Men)
NOTE: In Part 3 – some of the symptoms for men apply to women as well, so go through them with that in mind.
NEXT – FoC – ACoAs (Part 1)