I WANT TO STAY WITH HIM – but he only wants freedom

PREVIOUS: Fear of Commitment (#1)

POSTS: “Relationship Stages” // “Unrealistic expectations”

SITE: Overcome fear of commitment
(+ Hypnosis tapes)

⚑ GENERAL: Fear of Commitment (FoC)
⚑ WAYS of AVOIDING Emotional Commitment

⚑ SYMPTOMS of FoC
 When reading the following list – & holding your WIC – picture something you find hard to commit to – not just relationships, but anything you’re afraid to do or continue with. How many of these items apply? but without S-H!

1. IN OURSELVES
a. Mental (including CDs)
• Compulsion: overwhelming impulse to flee the situation, although the assumed danger is only in your mind – tough to understand or resist
• focus on bad / scary images & movies about the subject shown
• obsess about the subject (whatever you’re avoiding)
• trouble thinking about anything other than ‘it’
OR
• are sure you have a fatal illness (aids, cancer…) but don’t
• no motivation, can’t make decisions, confused
• scared of fainting, losing control or going crazy
• feel “unreal” – detached, not yourself

b. Emotional
• Anticipatory Anxiety – persistent worry about upcoming events that involve any form of commitment
• Moods: high levels of anger, sadness, fear, hurt & guilt
• Physical Apathy: lethargic, depressed, sleepy
• Terror: constant overwhelming fear of the ‘issue

c. Physical
• Breathing : shortness of breath, smothering sensation, feeling of choking
• General: hot or cold flashes, temporary muscle weakness
• Gut: nausea or stomach distress, diarrhea
• Head: dizzy, unsteady, light-headed, faint
• Limbs: trembling, shaking, tingling, joint pain
• Physical Apathy: lethargic, depressed, sleepy
• Torso: palpitations, pounding heart, or numbness, accelerated heart rate, chest pain or discomfort

♥︎ Relationships
Gamophobia – fear of getting married, assuming it will inevitably be harmful. It’s found more often in men, because the real or potential trouble they’re afraid of may have greater consequences socially, financially, legally & personally.
Of course, FoC a very common fear is all types of ACoAs, & can extend to any relationship, even those we’d like to have.

• Old ➕ New painful / traumatic personal experiences, as well as observing the negative effects of domestic violence, divorce, parents never married…. in others – can lead to FEAR of being trapped & abused, an inability to trust, abandonment terror, depression….

• Long-term inability to be feel SAFE /vulnerable & show one’s ‘weak parts’ is a sign of a personality disorder. In severe cases, we may like or love someone, but IF the other person returns our affection & wants to be together permanently, Gamophobes can easily change our attraction into fault-finding, disdain, even hate.

This happens more often unconsciously, using the other person’s ‘limitations’ as an excuse to push them away. Turning love into hate, or over-valuing & then under-valuing a partner – without a legitimate reason – is a defense mechanism. Often, the sufferer knows their fears are unreasonable or exaggerated, but feels powerless to change.

2. IN OTHERS
FoC in Women – While they’re often portrayed as ‘commitment hungry/crazy’, changes in social & moral rules make it easier for them to act out this fear, no matter how well disguised. (More….)  (“She Won’t Commit”).

Women who are socially awkward, have social anxiety, fear of being trapped, or in the closet – can now stay single & not be judged (except by conservative people & communities!).
➼ Biggest hint that a “Stayer” type woman is also commitment phobic – is repeatedly choosing & then clinging to ‘unavailable’ partners!
(Love a commitment-phobe? Dating Tips For Men)

NOTE: In Part 3 – some of the symptoms for men apply to women as well, so go through them with that in mind.

NEXT – FoC – ACoAs (Part 1)