PREVIOUS: A. Categories #14
SITE: many poems @ ‘Anger‘
QUOTEs: “Never give away your self-control to someone who isn’t yourself.”
⚡️ is good
TRUE: Anger has a variety of positive uses. It can energize, help us get things done, cope with stress, promote self-esteem, & defend against fear & insecurity. Like all other emotions, it is God-given/inborn, to warns us of real or perceived threats to ourselves OR a loved one – an early warning detection system that tells us we need to change an undesirable / unsafe situation
⚡️ is abnormal
False: Everyone experiences anger. We can see it in tiny babies, especially when frustrated, as they screw up their face & shake their fists. It’s one of a wide range of emotions we need in order to communicate what we like and don’t like
⚡️ is not a “real” emotion
False: Some psychologists say that anger is a “counterfeit emotion.” While anger can be considered ‘secondary’ because it’s often triggered by others such as anxiety, embarrassment, fear, guilt, jealousy, shame…. – yet it is a separate emotion, since it’s possible to experience any of these other emotions without getting angry
⚡️is taken too seriously!
False: The Venter / Spewer thinks & often says that other people should understand they didn’t mean what they said in the ‘heat of the moment’.
However – many times they did mean exactly what they said, but needed the fuel of anger to let it out, even if exaggerated. AND – regardless of the rager’s intention – they do cause actual hurt, embarrassment, humiliation &/or fear.
⚡️and love just don’t mix
False: They are 2 sides of the same coin. We usually don’t have strong emotional reactions to PPT we don’t care much or at all about. The more we love or need someone or something the more easily we can be disappointed, annoyed, frustrated, aggravated… by it/them, because we want so much from them. This can trigger anger when they push our buttons
⚡️‘disappears’ in Spiritual &/or Mentally Healthy people
False: Everyone experiences anger (E = feeling) because the brain is wired to react to danger by flooding us with chemicals that push us to protect ourselves & our loved ones. Smart people pay attention to what sets them off (T = mental evaluation)
Healthy people choose to express anger in constructive ways (A = actions). Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr…. felt & expressed anger, but turned it into social reform that made the world a better place. (Post: “Righteous anger”)
⚡️ is caused by other people
False: While others are responsible for what they do or say to us – our emotional reaction is on us (anger, fear, shock / amusement, pleasure, indifference….).
As adults – no one can make us ‘feel’. Our brain generates emotions & so we can choose how we think about an event, which can influence how we feel & act (T.E.A.)
EXP: we might choose to ignore ridicule, not feel hopeless when disappointed, not hurt when disrespected…. We don’t have to get mad!
⚡️has to be ‘held in’ if we’re going to control our anger
False: First of all – what one needs to ‘control’ is behavior & thoughts – not emotions. The purpose of Anger Management training is not to make us sit on our anger, but to provide successful ways of dealing with it – which includes changing our abusive self-talk!
First we have to learn to recognize when we’re angry (T), & have permission to feel it (E) without hurting ourselves or others. Then we can change our behavior (A) (See post: “Passive anger“)
⚡️is stronger in men than women
False: Based on surveys, both genders have the same capacity & frequency (about once or twice a week), but men report more intense anger, & are more likely to act on it.
Girls/women tend to hold onto angry feelings longer. So the only real difference is how each expresses this emotion, which is based mainly on socially conditioning.
NEXT: Anger MYTHS (Part 2)