PREVIOUS: Why resist? #4
Other RESISTANCE SOURCES (cont)
In this case it’s the WIC not co-operating re. communicating with the UNIT, no matter how caring.
3. The WIC – at first you may be surprised to realize that the Wounded Child is not so quick to let go of the Bad Voice! You’re just starting to learn how to be a Good Parent / Healthy Adult, expecting to take over the job of Executive ego state from the Inner Child who’s been running the show your whole life.
But as far as the child is concerned, you’ve never been available before, or you sound just like ‘them’…. so why should it trust you now? And why would it want to give up it’s power to an unknown, unproven entity (the ‘new’ you)?
Some reasons the WIC resists :
• The kid has learned that – in general – NO authority is safe or trustworthy. They never listened or cared about anyone but themselves – & now you’re proposing to be the new adult who knows what’s ‘better’ for it? It sounds like more of the same! Besides, why would you bother with me anyway?
• Loyalty to our parents runs very deep, no matter how badly they treated us. The kid needs to be taken care of & it only knows the family it grew up with, & you aren’t on the radar screen – yet
• Our brain grooves are so deeply etched making the connection to the PP primal. The kid is afraid to leave the Introject because it don’t want to be alone, which is all it knows
• The ‘adults’ in our childhood were absent, childish, depressed, crazy, cruel, drunk or just to-o-o busy to be bothered with us – most of them not actually in charge of anything! That left it all up to us, which was terrifying, but it also gave us a sense of power
It was immature, inappropriate & distorted power to be sure, but the only option many of us had. We did what we could to survive & we did. Now the WIC doesn’t want to give up it’s position, convinced it’ll disintegrate or die if it ‘lets go’. So the WIC is in a Double Bind: thinking it’s in control of running our life <—> while it’s actually being run by the bad voice!
Double Binds: We hate many of our parents’ traits & behavior patterns <—> YET slavishly follow the rules & patterns they set out for us, even more terrified of separating from them in person or inside ourselves (to S & I)
Damned if we do, damned if we don’t – & damned if we say anything about it!!
We have many such confusing & conflicting beliefs, all of which are incorrect
• To the kid ‘Growing up’ is not a positive, even though many of us originally had the fantasy that when we were adults we’d 🌁 be OK, have everything we want, not suffer anymore, have our dreams come true….
☔︎ At the same time the WIC secretly believes that ‘growing up’ really means being completely alone or becoming just like them. Either one sucks, so it resists letting the UNIT help us heal our past
• Letting go of the PP means being in charge of our own life, taking risks, being responsible – which the kid can’t, won’t, isn’t allowed to….. It means being our own motivator, the opposite of co-dependence, giving up the fantasy someone will finally come along to rescue us. The WIC will fight these outcomes tooth & nail!
CO-DEPENDENCE & the WIC
The result of the WIC’s resistance is that it prevents us from becoming our own person – the person we were born to be. And without that our only option it to stay co-dependent.
IRONY: on the one hand the WIC doesn’t want to give up its false power, while also manipulate others into taking care of it! That way we can continue obeying a major alcoholic/ narcissistic family rule (don’t need anything) while sneakily getting some ‘illegal’ goodies
NEXT: Why resist? #6