I’LL LET YOU KNOW
how close you can come!

PREVIOUS: RIGID Bs (#2)

REVIEW: ‘Boundaries Defined’

 

WHAT are Healthy Bs?
According to L. A Hayduk (1978), it’s “the area each person actively maintains around themself, into which others cannot intrude without arousing discomfort”. And Richard Stengel (1995) found that ‘Personal Space’ surrounds one’s ego-center, intuitively understood by all human beings

• Setting boundaries is about moderation & grey areas, which requires a person to be “fully differentiated” via S & I.  A good boundary-setter is willing to step into their uncomfortable ‘grey zone’ with a clear Yes or No line. They know who they are & who they’re not, taking responsibility for what’s theirs, & expecting / allowing others to take responsibility for what’s theirs

• Then 2 such people, already independent in their True Self, can be inter-dependent, close enough to stay connected with a positive impact on each others’ life, without unwanted intrusion. Healthy Bs are flexible enough so people can grow & change. Each can soften where their Bs are to encourage intimacy, or extend their Bs to create safety

• We all react to changes in environment, managing them to suit our unique ‘Comfort Zone’ – with specific rules for what works for us, so there are no absolutes. A severe decrease in available personal space makes us itchy. If that situation persists, this lack of control can cause psychological distress

🔒 PRIVACY
Social scientist Irwin Altman studied privacy in relation to all forms of Social Boundaries – what makes them optimal, balanced between ‘not too hot & not too cold’!
According to Altman (1975) Bs Are :
1. fluid – we decide how open or closed we are, in reaction to what’s going on inside or outside of ourself
2. not perfect – the amount of space we want or need to feel comfortable & fulfill a particular role, is often different from what’s available

3. flexible – our invisible Bs can be adjusted to different situations. With too much privacy (more is not always better), a person will start crowding others, given an opportunity.
With too little privacy, they compensate by withholding & isolating

4. 2-way – involves input from others, such as noise, and output to others, such as talking
5. 2-leveled – individuals vs groups (public places, cyberspace…)

🔐 PROXEMICS
In the early 1960s American anthropologist Edward Hall was a pioneers in the study of humans’ spatial needs, who coining the word ‘proxemics‘.
A subcategory of non-verbal communication, it’s about the impact it has on social interactions: how we respond to & use our personal space – the distance between ourself & others.

His research led to a new understanding of the human need for territory (animals do too), divided into:
▪︎ Personal – the immediate area surrounding a person. EXP: our body’s space-need & posture are unconscious reactions to subtle changes in sound & pitch of another person’s voice

▪︎ Territorial – the area people lay claim to & defend against others IS used to “propagate the species by regulating density”
This aspect includes the study of how space is organized in houses & buildings, the layout of towns & cities, & in collective forms such as Clans & Countries.

Some responses to B Invasion:
▪︎ choose less personal topics, talk about leaving, avoid eye contact
▪︎ increase inter-personal distance, turn away, leave
▪︎ AND, as with non-humans when pushed too far – reacting with aggression

Degree of Intimacy: Hall identified types of responses by the “angle formed by the axis of the conversants’ shoulders” – a combination of postures (sitting, standing, prone…) which are affected by nonverbal factors each person picks up from the other:
⚓︎ Kinesthetic – how close people are touching
⚓︎ Olfactory – amount of odor picked up
⚓︎ Thermal – degree of body heat
⚓︎ Touching – the ways they’re touching, or not
⚓︎ Visual – amount of eye contact
⚓︎ Voice – silent, very soft, soft, normal, normal+, loud, & very loud.

Cultural Factors : Hall noted that Realizing & Recognizing cultural differences helps eliminate discomfort people may feel when their inter-personal distance is too great (“stand-offish”), or too small (intrusive).

The Lewis Model of Cultural Types suggests 3 styles :
a. “Multi-active” cultures, that are warm & impulsive (Brazil, Mexico, Italy)
b. “Linear-active” cultures, cool & decisive (Germany, Norway, USA)
c. “Re-active” cultures, accommodating & non-confrontational (Vietnam, China, Japan)

NEXT: Healthy Bs – info (Part 2)