PREVIOUS : Enneagram

+ Need to hear : “I see goodness in you. I still love you even when you make a mistake”
☼ I Need to be Spontaneous. TO laugh, play, & remember it’s not my job to fix everyone & everything – only somethings.

— Need to own that my critical attitude & irritability make others feel judged & ‘wrong”, like they should walk on eggshells to not raise my anger & recriminations

+ Need to hear : “You are loved no matter what. It’s ok to express your own needs & desires”
☼ I Need to do something for myself. I can feel empathy without responsibility. I can intuit other’s needs but not have to provide them

— Need to own that my management of others & wanting to get my own way – can make loved ones feel manipulated & smothered

+ Need to hear : “You don’t have to perform. I want to hear your thoughts & feelings ”
☼ I Need to do something Fun. Remember what I actually care about & stop saying yes to things that aren’t mine to do – even knowing I’d be great at them!

— Need to own that my workaholism & image management – can be alienating to anyone who wants to spend time with the ‘real’ me. Or it makes them feel like just another item on my to-do list

+ Need to hear : “I am here with you. It’s ok for your emotions to be all over the place”
☼ I Need to take Care of my Body. I can be happy with ‘ordinary’, since there’s beauty even in the mundane. Also, I need to create some rhythm & structure in my life

— Need to own that my moodiness & feeling of exemption – can become tiresome to loved ones who feel they have to cater to my emotional storms & arrogant refusal to regulate my emotions

+ Need to hear : “It’s ok to have needs. I know you need to retreat into your own space”
☼ I Need to get Out of my Head. Information is not the same as wisdom which comes from applying what I know. To do that I have to engage, moving out of my study into the world

— Need to own that my emotional stinginess & tendency to retreat – can make loved ones feel shut out & abandoned, creating a greater feeling of isolation in me

+ Need to hear : “Everything’s going to be ok. I’ll support you as you pursue your passions, even if you’re scared”
☼ I Need to be Brave. There is good out there, just as much as there are dangers. I will find whatever I look for, so maybe I can start looking for the positive that’s available everywhere

— Need to own that my reactivity & need to control others & situations – to manage my anxiety – cause loved ones to feel they have to make me comfortable, to avoid my anger, panic or retreat

+ Need to hear : “You are not a burden to me. Let’s plan a trip together”
☼ I Need to Embrace Negativity in healthy ways. Trust the process of life’s ebb & flow when I get to the messy middle. Grit is just as sexy as chasing the next great idea or running to the next fun location

— Need to own that my hunger for variety & freedom that creates an environment of frenetic restlessness – can make others feel tired, & that their plans & wishes are second to my agenda

+ Need to hear : “I will never betray you. I’ll be careful when you let your guard down to show your vulnerable side”
☼ I Need to Chill Harder 🤠. Slow down enough to see others for who they truly are, & believe that they actually do want to know & love the Real Me. I can remind myself there’s no monster under the bed

— Need to own that my insistence on loyalty & control can be overwhelming & feel bullying to those near me – who become afraid to live freely, lest they rouse my anger or callous indifference

+ Need to hear : “Your presence matters to me. I love it when you speak up & share your thoughts”
☼ I Need to Express myself! Avoiding a battle I need to fight, & having that looming over my head – drains my energy more than I realize

— Need to own that my avoidance of conflict & painful emotions make others feel neglected & dismissed – & that I’ll accuse them of being ‘dramatic’ If they expressing their emotions
(FROM :  ‘theenneagramworkshop’ + other sources)

NEXT:  Enneagram – Christian Perspective

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