QUOTE: “When a narcissist has lost control over you, they’ll then try to control how others see you.”
NOTE: Normal, healthy people do not become Flying Monkeys (FMs). They will not hurt another person (innocent or not), especially not on someone else’s orders. Their conscience recoils at the idea.
So, WHY do some adults degrade themselves by being used as FMs?
Because of their own character defects. ☢️ Ns choose their minions carefully. To get the job done FMs have to be just the right mix of :
◘ blind loyalty, envy, stupidity, venom, & an undying belief that they’re on the side of right!
Ns appeal to these people’s morally disordered ego & self-interest, who passionately want to keep the status quo, &/or desperately need something from the N.
Some REASONS to become FMs :
▸ Acceptance – long for attention & approval from the N. Acting as a FM makes them feel special by being needed & helpful
▸ Avarice – it admits them into the N’s inner circle, providing access to resources & privileges the FM wouldn’t otherwise enjoy
▸ Manipulation – a naive empath with poor boundaries can be conned into going along with the N’s mischief-making, believing the N is the ‘sane’ one
▸ Necessity – feel beholden to or are totally dependent on the N, who is a close relative, an only friend, a mentor / sponsor, small child ….
▸ Schadenfreude (pleasure in another’s misfortune) – the FMs, who lack empathy & a conscience, enjoy inflicting pain & suffering on others
EXP : FMs can also be very aggressive enabling gaslighters, acting as fake-sympathy confidants. So, any time someone naively complains to an FM about being mistreated by a N-bully, these FMs will go into overdrive to deny the victim’s reality & validate the N’s OK-ness, thus reinforcing the abuser’s con-job.
FMs can be used singly (‘friend’, doctor….), or in packs (any type of social group). Gaslighting can be BY:
1. Proxy = “He’s really not such a bad guy. I’ve never had a problem with him. He’s a pillar of the community”….. OR
2. Tribe = “We think she’s doing a great job. Everyone knows that she means well. We’ve all seen how helpful she is to others”….
This version can be even deadlier, as it’s hard to push back against a whole group.
Dealing with a pack of FMs is painful, which can turn into mob events, with lots of people ganging up on the V.
More REASONS to act as FMs :
✦ Being a narcissist. This type of FM believes that the best chance to fulfill their N-needs for attention & power comes from aligning themselves with a more powerful N.
IRONY: being used to take care of some of the grossest or illegal parts of the N’s schemes does the opposite – putting the FM in compromised, stressful situations
✦ Loss of sense of Self. Some FMs are so browbeaten by the N that they’re hardly able to know Right from Wrong. From years of emotional N-abuse, they’ lost independent decision-making along the way, & so will do whatever the N directs
✦ Love of drama. Other FMs are addicted to & thrive on adrenaline rushes, so being attached to a N guarantees involvement in lots of drama. What can beat the high of being caught up in lies, secrecy, & deception?
✦ Protecting the N. FMs who are Rescuers feel compelled to jump to the defense of the N, who blames everyone & everything for whatever goes wrong in their life. They believe the N is a suffering victim, so sticking up for them meets these FMs’ built-in hunger to have value by being the protector healer-hero
✦ Self-preservation. People who do the N’s dirty work don’t pay much, if any, attention to the impact of their actions on themselves or to the V. They form an alliance with the strongest member of a family or organization, hopefully to protect their job / reputation…. &/or to prevent being on the receiving end of narcissistic rage.
IRONICALLY – FMs are also afraid of the N, since they know what he/she is capable of. In spite all their ‘help’, Ns won’t hesitate to throw an FM under the bus when they need someone to blame for their own evil scheming! (From Ramani Durvasula, PhD )
NEXT : FMs #3