OVERT NARCISSISTS – toward others (Part 1)



PREVIOUS: ACoAs as Ns – Growth goals

SITE:  Ns at WORK – 30 red flags

 

NOTE: Outsiders often ask a complaining N-victim: “Why do you put up with such bad behavior? If it were me, I’d have left right away.”

ANS: N. abuse is GRADUAL, increasing ever so slowly – so the victim won’t catch on too soon & escape. Ns need their target to ‘accept’ abuse as part of their daily routine, so they’ll get used to being treated with insensitivity & disrespect.

Re. Treating OTHERS – THEY (Ns):
don’t see others as equals
Ns believe they are the top of the world & so look down on everyone else. They can secretly admit someone may be their ‘better’ only so they can drain them (career, financial gain….), but then have to use all their manipulative skills to hide the conviction of their superiority.

If you’re an ‘average ‘Joe/Jane’ – in their eyes – & try to associate yourself with them as an equal, they’ll do anything in their power to bring you down – where they assume you belong

think everyone else is stupid
Many Ns are know-it-alls, so have a hard time getting along with coworkers & friends. They refuse to believe they could possibly be wrong about anything, & have a “my way or the highway” approach to decision-making

  but – put some people on pedestals
For Ns, everything has to be perfect, but secretly know they’re not. So they look to absorb it from others they idealize.

N-logic says: “If I find someone perfect to be close to, maybe some of their wonderfulness will rub off on me, & then I’ll become perfect too.”
With that fantasy in mind, Ns cozy up to a colleague or crush they decide is perfect, but get royally disappointed when that person doesn’t live up to the image they created

like to put other people down
Ns intentionally put others down so they can keep a high positive image of themselves. Being admire is like a drug for narcissists. In the long run it’s tough to keep being supplied when others won’t applaud them. So they have to keep searching for new acquaintances in order to get the next fix – which causes unstable relationships

don’t feel the need to be polite
At the best of times a N’s sense of superiority allows them to feel exempt from the rules of society, common courtesy being one.
Ns know that antisocial behavior isn’t acceptable, but are just fine with acting inappropriately because they constantly feel they’ve been wronged.

One study indicated that subjects with a high N-score are argumentative & curse more than their less reactive counterparts. They often take offense when it’s not intended, leading others to exclaim in confusion : “That’s not what I meant!”
However, don’t ever disrespect them – no matter how tempting. They’ll definitely not forgive or forget – ever! & will look to be revenged, however long it may take

◆ love telling others what to do
Ns typically enjoy leadership positions so they can dominate others to fulfill their need for constant positive reinforcement. And they expect others to go along with their every single plan & idea, unquestioned.
N leaders have either ‘dark’ or ‘bright’ leadership qualities, the latter more visible at first.  However, since Ns also have negative inter-personal features, they’re likely to abusing their power, with harmful consequences for the organization

◆ are a ’bad sport
Overt Ns are bullies, & one of their most troublesome traits is generally being a sore loser and a sore winner.
EXP: In sports, when they lose, they might try to humiliate the referee. When they win, they might gloat or abuse the loser

 are shape-shifters
Ns are actors playing a role – called narcissistic masks – the chameleon who changes their ‘persona’, based on who they’re with.

The role chosen is a hook, used to pretend they’re just like you. If you like country music so will they, if you have a dog, they do too….or in different groups, they pretend to be exactly what that group is looking for, so they can fit in. But there’s always a crack in the image of total togetherness, because they can’t keep it up. It was a lie from the start.

NEXT: Ns – re. Others #2

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