Narcissist Types #1
Victim Roles: The N’s overriding objective in life is finding fuel, from :
💘 a Primary Source, who the N has determined will provide it on a regular basis, of high-grade & in copious amounts. Such a person will experience – at first – the elation of the N’s overwhelming Seduction, but later face the horror of Devaluation, the bewilderment of Discard & the lure of Hoovering.
💟 Supplementary Sources – anyone else the N can seduce other than an intimate partner. It includes family, friends, colleagues, strangers … all ranked according to the strength of the fuel they provide.
3. COMMUNAL Ns
At the ‘mild’ end of the narcissism spectrum, they’re very hard to catch, since these Ns value agreeableness, relatedness & warmth. Seeing themselves as the most giving, helpful trustworthy & supportive person, they want everyone else to think so too, by trying to always be friendly & kind.
Far from showing a lack of empathy, as with standard NPDs, this type uses their intuition-antennae to tune in to what pleases you, making you feel validated.
While they don’t seem to be as damaging as other types, they too are using people to feel good. Their decisions & actions are motivated by outside sources – making them vulnerable to disappointment & frustration, which can turn into being depressed & judgmental.
So – this type’s dishonest selflessness is just as selfish as that of grandiose Ns. Their drive is also for esteem, power & superiority, just using very different tactics. When their hypocrisy is discovered, it’s an even bigger disappointment to others.
4. VULNERABLE (COVERT) Ns
Hardest to spot, until it’s too late, they hide behind passive-aggressiveness, but are un-empathetic, exploitive & manipulative.
EXP: Setting others up to be constantly frustrated, they :
▶︎ insist that someone else make all the decisions & then accuse them of being controlling
▶︎ often say they’ll do something but keep ‘forgetting’, then slyly get a kick out of the other’s annoyance, disappointment, rage…..
What’s confusing to observers is that these Ns can be : anxious, clingy, act helpless & incompetent, are needy, pathetic, sickly, weak, withdrawn…..
while also secretly believing they’re superior. They may see themselves as brilliant, courageous, desirable, entitled, magical….. but just not yet expressed.
This combination also causes the N great internal conflict, by holding both over-inflated & under-rated irrational beliefs about themselves. EXP: CDs such as self-hate and perfectionism.
Since a closet N would never admit to feeling ‘special’, they instead point to something else – a person, a religion, a book, a dress designer – that’s lauded by others, so they can feel special by association.
Their fear of criticism is so strong that they try to avoid getting attention. Their life is hampered by a weak identity, lack of autonomy & self-motivation, ‘imposter syndrome’, & procrastination. Being insecure & easily stressed, these Ns are unhappy, with anxiety, depression, guilt, hypersensitivity & shame.
Their negative self-beliefs are projected onto other people & their own future, making personal growth difficult or impossible. Always looking for their secretly grandiose self-image to be reinforced, they’re highly defensive when actual or perceived criticism triggers their self-hate.
They don’t have positive relationships, with as attachment style that’s more avoidant & anxious. Distrustful of everyone, they’re always looking for danger, so they internalize their N, isolating with hostile blame & resentment.
5. MALIGNANT Ns
These are at the other extreme of the N continuum, cruel & aggressive. They’re a-moral, immoral, paranoid & sadistic – finding pleasure in creating chaos, physical torture, & destroying lives.
They’re not grandiose & extroverted, but more closely related to the dark triad of anti-social personality disorder (APD), psychopathy, & Machiavellianism. They can form long-term relationships – with extreme victims – easily being nasty whenever they feel threatened.
5a. SEDUCING Ns
A particularly tricky type – these will make you feel great about yourself to ‘win’ you over as a sexual or love conquest. At first they seem to admire & fawn over you, only to disappear once you’re hooked. (think: Regina George).
They’re emotionally dangerous. Other types don’t usually go out of their way to hurt somebody – they’re just obsessed with themselves. But this one can leave a trail of broken hearts, so avoid them.
This type combines 2 terrible traits: bullying & self-absorption. They boost themselves by trashing others, fixated on winning & mock or threaten people to get their way. They get a personal kick out of making others feel bad, unworthy & invisible, which is different from a ‘regular’ bully who belittles for social benefit.
NEXT: Narc-Speak #1