SITE: Narcissists ‘horrible people but happy’
Narcissists fit into:
3 schools – Lesser, Mid-Range or Greater
& 4 cadres – Victim, Somatic, Cerebral & Elite
Ns belong to both groups, but not into every combination, since some types are mutually exclusive. (MORE….)
Narcissistic Behavior is consistent
Unhealthy N symptoms are present – if camouflaged – in all situations, not just when they’re around certain people or when under stress. A person can be considered a N IF they have 5 or more symptoms persisting since their early 20s or before, which limit or prevent the ability to maintain healthy relationships.
ARTICLE: “N as a consequence of Trauma & Early Experiences“
SUB-TYPES, both Grandiose & Vulnerable:
♣︎ BOOMERANG Ns – the one who keeps popping in & out of your life. They offer very few explanations or excuses, & co-dep partners keep taking them back.
AND they’re also involved with several other partners (as Supply), staying when it suits them, leaving when anything is expected of them in the relationship
♣︎ CEREBRAL Ns – they get a sense of self-importance from their mental abilities, believing themselves to be smarter & cleverer than almost everyone else. To feed their ego, they’ll try to make others feel ignorant & stupid. No one’s ever going to win an argument with them or get them to admit they’re wrong. (More… )
♣︎ PARASITIC Ns – They feed off of a host, using anyone who’ll take care of them. They don’t want any responsibility, so find someone who’s intelligent, strong & successful – but also needs to feel useful & is self-sacrificing. CHILDREN are easy targets, since they have no choice about being a Victim, but they too are singled out for their intelligence, sensitivity & compassionate nature.
♣︎ SEXUAL Ns – get self-validation from sexual attractiveness & being ‘very good’ in bed. They have an overly-positive, egotistical admiration of their own seduction-power, consumed by an obsession with performance, & the need for constant sexual admiration. (Think young Tom Jones, singer)
♣︎ SOMATIC Ns – get self-worth from their bodies, which shows up as a conviction that they’re more beautiful, stronger, or fitter than others. They obsess about weight & physical appearance, judging others based only on externals. (Think young Arnold)
♣︎ SPIRITUAL Ns – they get self-worth from being other-world oriented. They use spiritual practices & ‘insight’ to increase self-importance, in some cases for fame & wealth – instead of humility & decreasing the ego, which are the hallmarks of true spirituality. (MORE….. scroll to Narcissists , Co-deps) // (More….scroll to traits) // (More….)
♣︎ WHITE NIGHT Ns – to camouflage emptiness, shame & fear of abandonment, they need to be seen as a great human being, via rescuing & people-pleasing.
They get narcissistic supplies by publicly doing helpful things for others, such as the “good neighbor” N – who compulsively runs errands, does chores, fixes things for ‘free’, gives their own things away to anyone who asks – all out of the ‘goodness of their heart’ – but at the expense of their own families, their finances & health.
🔻A sub-category is the parent who compulsively / deliberately gives away their children’s toys or other possessions to their own adult friends – in order to seem generous, but without the child’s knowledge or OK, and which are not items no longer needed or wanted by the child. (MORE….)
1. GRANDIOSE Ns
These are the boastful public figures, recognizable in films. As extroverts, they are usually very charming & seductive, although their vanity & boldness can also be obnoxious & shameless.
They’re aggressive, authoritarian, callous & self-absorbed. Some are also physically abusive. These un-empathic, arrogant Ns have great disdain for others. Underpinned by Extraversion, they report high self-esteem & satisfaction with their lives, despite all the pain they cause others.
This comes from internal congruence – their opinion of themselves meshes with how the world sees them – so they rarely have anxiety. This allows them to have a deep belief that there’s nothing wrong with them – only with other people & circumstances.
Ns demand direct acclaim, attention & domination – even in ‘love’, game-playing being used to keep the upper hand. Many do maintain relationships, in spite of the fact that their compliant partners are unhappy with the N’s emotional insensitivity & criticism, but are seduced by the N’s self-assurance, forcefulness & income.
2. SPIRITUAL Ns
(See above def) They need to project an idealized version of themselves by influencing & captivating their audience, masking imperfection & existential guilt (being a sinner). They compensate & feel special by performing seemingly sensitive & religious actions (helping the poor & needy, being spiritual counselors, giving lectures & seminars, writing books….).
They cloak harmful behaviors such as controlling, coercing, judging, misleading…. in false ‘righteousness’, & will justify intimidating or belittling others using platitudes & religious jargon. They’re the ultimate hypocrites.
NEXT: N. Types (#2)